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+--- Thread: The official sick joke (/thread-3002.html)
- Cynical Ninja - 06-27-2008
This man pulls up in his Merc beside a little boy.
He opens the door, holds out a brown paper bag of sweets and says, "Hey kid, if I give you a sweetie, will you come in my car."
To which the kid replies, "Gimme the bag and I'll come in your mouth!"
"My wife being unhappy with my mood swings brought me one of these mood rings so she could monitor my mood.
We discovered that when I am in a good mood it turns green and when I am in a bad mood it leaves a big fucking red mark on her forehead."
Whats the difference between a dead baby and a sports car?
I haven't got a sports car in my garage.
Whats black and sits at the top of the stairs?
Stephen Hawkings after a house fire
Why Don't black people go on Cruises?
They're not falling for that one again.
- Maggot - 06-27-2008
"My wife being unhappy with my mood swings brought me one of these mood rings so she could monitor my mood.
We discovered that when I am in a good mood it turns green and when I am in a bad mood it leaves a big fucking red mark on her forehead."
Your a sick fuck!!!!!::bigg::
- Lady Cop - 06-27-2008
::lmao::
how about some maddie mccann jokes? ::dlaugh::
- Cynical Ninja - 06-27-2008
Whats the best thing about dating a woman having chemotherapy?
You don't have to hold her hair back when she is being sick.
Bloke walks into a chemist and says "have you got any condoms, i need them for my 12 year old daughter".
Chemist says "fuck me your daughter is sexually active at 12?"
Bloke says "nah she just lies there like her little brother"
Doctors claim to have found a cure for the common cold. They inject you with Parkinson's, then you should be able to shake it off in a week.
What kind of wallpaper did they have in the twin towers?
Plane.
Eight foreign doctors attack Glasgow airport: three bombs, no deaths.
Harold Shipman: one British doctor, one syringe; 300 dead.
Fuck, it makes you proud to be British!
- Cynical Ninja - 06-27-2008
My grandfather died at Auschwitz.
He fell out of his guard tower.
How do you know when your sister is having an orgasm?
She stops struggling.
How do you know if your girlfriend is too young for you?
You have to make an aeroplane noise to get your cock in her mouth.
I stopped a girl getting rape last night.
I stayed in and watched the football.
Why are MF's eyes red after sex?
Because of the pepper spray.
- FUC OFF LOSER - 06-27-2008
My wife said she wants to start role playing in bed.
I get to play the part of a celibate monk.
- Maggot - 06-27-2008
Potatoe sacks are all the rage now!.............lucky you!
- Sinister - 06-29-2008
What's the difference between a pizza and a Jew?
The pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.
- Sinister - 06-29-2008
What are 3 things you can't give a nigger?
A fat lip
A black eye
A job
- Cynical Ninja - 06-29-2008
Sinister Wrote:What are 3 things you can't give a nigger?
A fat lip
A black eye
A job
Whats the difference between a black and a bicycle?
A bicycle doesn't start singing when you chain it up.
- Cynical Ninja - 06-29-2008
Sinister Wrote:What's the difference between a pizza and a Jew?
The pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.
Whats the difference between a jew and soap?.
Soap lasts for more than one shower.
- Lady Cop - 06-29-2008
you guys are disgusting, offensive, cruel, sadistic, vicious and have no hearts. ::vio::
i like that in a person.
- Sinister - 06-29-2008
What is the most confusing day in Detroit?
Father's Day
- Sinister - 07-01-2008
Little Johnny is on his way to bed and as he goes down the hallway, he hears strange noises from his parent's bedroom. He quietly opens the door and peeks in to see his Dad on top of his Mom humping away. Dad looks over to see Johnny and grins wickedly and gives Johnny a thumbs up.
Johnny walks away shaking his head, looking depressed.
A few nights later, on his way to bed, Dad hears some strange noises coming from Little Johnny's room. He opens the door to see Johnny on top of his Grandmother, humping away like crazy.
"Holy shit, son, what the fuck are you doing??!?!??!!"yells Dad.
Answers Johnny, "It's not so fuckingfunny when it's your Mom, is it?"
- FUC OFF LOSER - 07-01-2008
There once was a little boy who was celebrating his 11th birthday.
He decided to test his family to see if they remembered his birthday, so he goes downstairs to his father. "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today", the boy said.
The father has no clue and finally gives up. "I'm eleven!" the boy exclaims.
Next he goes in the kitchen, walks up to his grandma, and says, "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today".
"Let me give it a guess", grandma says and sticks her hand in his trousers.
She plays with his testicles for about an hour or so (squeezing them; moving them back and forth), takes her hand out of his trousers, and says, "You're eleven years old".
"How did you know?" the boy asked.
Grandma replied, "I heard you tell your father".
- Duchess - 07-03-2008
...Let me just reiterate what I said in another post...You people are fuckin' insane...{ Damn funny too }
- FUC OFF LOSER - 07-04-2008
A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend "You won't believe what happened. I was taking a short cut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to it. I untied her, and then we had sex over and over again, all the positions, everything.
His friend replies, "That's great: did you get a blow job?"
Oh, no: I never found her head.