The Death List

[Duchess]

From Joan -

1. On Justin Bieber's looks ...

"I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian -- and I stand by it: He's the daughter Cher wishes she'd had."

2. On Gwyneth Paltrow being named People's Most Beautiful ...

"Look at Gwyneth Paltrow being named the most beautiful this year. She got Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder to vote."

3. On Elizabeth Taylor's weight ...

"Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her."

4. On Kim Kardashian's infant daughter, North West ...

"That baby is ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a waxing."

5. On Mel Gibson's religious rants ...

"As a Jew, I don't want to see Mel Gibson at a party. I don't want to run into him in the kitchen, because there's an oven in it, and I'm afraid of what he might do."

6. On Adele's fuller figure ...

"What is her song, Rolling In The Deep? She should add 'fried chicken.'"

7. On Kristen Stewart's affair with her "Snow White and the Huntsman" director Rupert Sanders ...

"Many stars only do one thing well. Of course, the best one-trick-pony is Kristen Stewart, who got a whole career by being able to juggle a director's balls."

8. On Angelina Jolie's now infamous pose from the 2012 Oscars ...

"Everyone took her to task with that photograph with the leg out, but to me it looked as if she had a terrible yeast infection and she was trying to air it out."

9. On Katie Holmes's acting abilities ...

"Katie Holmes is not a very good actress. Did you see her try and play John F. Kennedy's wife? She was so bad he shot himself in it."

10. On Kim Kardashian's marriage to Kanye West ...

"I am praying (because) I like Kim, that this relationship lasts for her sake, because she's running out of black men."

Bonus: On her own plastic surgery ...

"I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery."