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Tools in laymen terms
#1
TOOLS EXPLANATION IN LAYMEN TERMS

SKIL SAW:
A portable cutting tool used to make boards too short.

BELT SANDER:
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

WIRE WHEEL:
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh shit'.

DRILL PRESS:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

CHANNEL LOCKS:
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

HACKSAW:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle...It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS:
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
Used almost entirely for igniting various flammable objects in your shop and creating a fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

TABLE SAW:
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity. Very effective for digit removal!!

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW:
A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut large pieces into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of all the crap you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

COMMON SCREWDRIVER:
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR:
A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

PVC PIPE CUTTER:
A tool used to make plastic pipe too short.

HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE:
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door. Works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl objects, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

SON OF A BITCH TOOL:
Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a bitch' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
You couldn't get a clue during the clue mating season in a field full of horny clues if you smeared your body with clue musk and did the clue mating dance.
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#2
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You couldn't get a clue during the clue mating season in a field full of horny clues if you smeared your body with clue musk and did the clue mating dance.
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#3


Quiet day at the office, huh.

If I don't get poison ivy after all of that crap I just wallowed in I will never get it.
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#4
(05-09-2014, 11:19 AM)Duchess Wrote:

Quiet day at the office, huh.

If I don't get poison ivy after all of that crap I just wallowed in I will never get it.

Did you have your clothes on?
You couldn't get a clue during the clue mating season in a field full of horny clues if you smeared your body with clue musk and did the clue mating dance.
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#5


Well yeah. I was gardening.
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#6
I'm not sure whats worse getting poison Ivy or getting a tick.
You couldn't get a clue during the clue mating season in a field full of horny clues if you smeared your body with clue musk and did the clue mating dance.
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#7
For me it's poison ivy, still have scars from 35 years ago.
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#8


I've never had it, thank gawd. I'm frequently around it during warm weather. I have had ticks on several occasions. I feel sorta meh about 'em, I pull them off and flush 'em, or burn them. I've pulled a ton off my beagles through the years. They all liked to run in the woods. Now I can hear them in mind, she got a scent and she's baying.
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#9
We still talking dogs?
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#10


No. I think this is supposed to be about tools. I'm not sure if it's hand tools or people tools. I didn't go back to look.

hah
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#11
We had nettles growing up, but we could just rub dirt on the sting area and it would feel better. Thankfully I've never run into poision ivy. We also had Devils Club-and a story about a bald guy who let the leaves run over the top of his head on a hike and he was in so much pain. : (
We used our hiking sticks to clear a path in one section not wanting to touch that stuff at all.

Duchess-do the ticks where you live carry lyme disease? Supposedly ours don't out here, but still I don't ever want a tick, and after I have been out I shake out all of my clothes, leave my hiking gear outside, don't let it touch my bed LOL and I take a long hot soapy shower.
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#12
(02-26-2018, 12:54 AM)Love Child Wrote: Duchess-do the ticks where you live carry lyme disease?


According to what I've read & the warnings I've heard, yes but I don't know anyone who has it. It's something I think about whenever I pull one off myself.
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#13
SON OF A BITCH TOOL:
Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a bitch' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
hah True story!
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