+your daily weather report+

[Clang McFly]

Whether a "30" lb bird, or 2 "15" lb birds?

My dilemma is strictly selfish and I'm a little embarrassed to say.

I don't want to do a dinner because it will interfere with my football game. I don't want to have to pay attention and be charming, I just want to watch football all day and be left alone.

Why not just have a "serve yourself buffet", supplied by caterer's of course.
(You and your guests serve yourselves, and you just watch the games)

or there is this wonderful ancient device invented called a VCR which will allow you to record the game and watch it later. Or if you want to get futuristic there is the updated version called DVR.