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Dear Maggot MD
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HairOfTheDog Offline
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Dear Maggot MD

Dear Maggot,

You posted in a previous thread that you were the Mock psychiatrist. I hope you can help me with this very serious dilemna, and maybe you can also assist other Mockers who might need some advice in times of crisis.

I bought a bottle of Seagrams Diet Tonic Water about three months ago. I cannot open it. I have tried beating the cap rim with a knife over and over; no go. I have banged it against the edge of my counter multiple times and twisted and shouted; still not budging. I have bruised my thighs squeezing it between them with a rubber band around the top and twisting madly for minutes; nope.

Should I just throw the bastard away, or do you have another suggestion? Have I brought this upon myself?

Thank you for your professional mock insight.
HairOfTheDog





07-22-2012 06:49 PM
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Lady Cop Away
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RE: Dear Maggot MD

one year he was the Mock gynecologist . 28






07-22-2012 06:55 PM
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HairOfTheDog Offline
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RE: Dear Maggot MD

(07-22-2012 06:55 PM)Lady Cop Wrote:  one year he was the Mock gynecologist . 28

hah I always believe Maggot. His aim is true.

I sure hope he can help me, LC. That damn bottle of water made it through last weekend's cleanfest. I now worry that I have an unhealthy and adversarial relationship with it. Only Maggot has the answers.





07-22-2012 07:02 PM
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Ma Huang Sor Offline
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Post: #4
RE: Dear Maggot MD

(07-22-2012 06:49 PM)HairOfTheDog Wrote:  Dear Maggot,

You posted in a previous thread that you were the Mock psychiatrist. I hope you can help me with this very serious dilemna, and maybe you can also assist other Mockers who might need some advice in times of crisis.

I bought a bottle of Seagrams Diet Tonic Water about three months ago. I cannot open it. I have tried beating the cap rim with a knife over and over; no go. I have banged it against the edge of my counter multiple times and twisted and shouted; still not budging. I have bruised my thighs squeezing it between them with a rubber band around the top and twisting madly for minutes; nope.

Should I just throw the bastard away, or do you have another suggestion? Have I brought this upon myself?

Thank you for your professional mock insight.
HairOfTheDog

Great post. I just so enjoyed it.





07-22-2012 07:16 PM
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HairOfTheDog Offline
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RE: Dear Maggot MD

(07-22-2012 07:16 PM)Ma Huang Sor Wrote:  
(07-22-2012 06:49 PM)HairOfTheDog Wrote:  Dear Maggot,

You posted in a previous thread that you were the Mock psychiatrist. I hope you can help me with this very serious dilemna, and maybe you can also assist other Mockers who might need some advice in times of crisis.

I bought a bottle of Seagrams Diet Tonic Water about three months ago. I cannot open it. I have tried beating the cap rim with a knife over and over; no go. I have banged it against the edge of my counter multiple times and twisted and shouted; still not budging. I have bruised my thighs squeezing it between them with a rubber band around the top and twisting madly for minutes; nope.

Should I just throw the bastard away, or do you have another suggestion? Have I brought this upon myself?

Thank you for your professional mock insight.
HairOfTheDog

Great post. I just so enjoyed it.

As long as Maggot doesn't recommend a solution that ties into his previous gynelogical practice, I feel confident that he can help me, Ma. Smiley_emoticons_wink





07-22-2012 07:20 PM
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Lady Cop Away
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RE: Dear Maggot MD

actually i fail to see how a psychiatrist could be of assistance in this dilemma. they are notoriously useless. i would take a coping saw to the damn thing, THEN throw it away.






07-22-2012 07:21 PM
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username Offline
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Post: #7
RE: Dear Maggot MD

If you've bruised your thighs squeezing it between them, I'd say you've already gone over the edge.

Electra complex.






Commando Cunt Queen
07-22-2012 07:22 PM
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HairOfTheDog Offline
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RE: Dear Maggot MD

(07-22-2012 07:21 PM)Lady Cop Wrote:  actually i fail to see how a psychiatrist could be of assistance in this dilemma. i would take a coping saw to the damn thing, THEN throw it away.

That's just it, LC. I still have hope. Every few days, I open the fridge and try again. I keep thinking, "this time, it's gonna open up to me, just like it should." I don't want to damage it or dump it and render it a useless investment, unless it's absolutely necessary. I just can't quit it prematurely. This is why I seek professional mock advice. Smiley_emoticons_razz





07-22-2012 07:26 PM
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HairOfTheDog Offline
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RE: Dear Maggot MD

Alright, alright all of you nay-sayers. Let's leave it up to the professional. If he agrees that I should kick it to the curb without qualm, I will do so without hesitation.





07-22-2012 07:28 PM
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Lady Cop Away
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RE: Dear Maggot MD

i've dumped annoying husbands in less time.






07-22-2012 07:29 PM
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HairOfTheDog Offline
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RE: Dear Maggot MD

(07-22-2012 07:29 PM)Lady Cop Wrote:  i've dumped annoying husbands in less time.

Yeah, but they had the ability to speak.





07-22-2012 07:34 PM
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username Offline
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RE: Dear Maggot MD

(07-22-2012 07:21 PM)Lady Cop Wrote:  actually i fail to see how a psychiatrist could be of assistance in this dilemma. they are notoriously useless.

Oh I don't know. Maybe a little adderall would fix her right up.

You could do what I did and marry a bottle opener.





07-22-2012 07:34 PM
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username Offline
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RE: Dear Maggot MD

(07-22-2012 07:34 PM)HairOfTheDog Wrote:  
(07-22-2012 07:29 PM)Lady Cop Wrote:  i've dumped annoying husbands in less time.

Yeah, but they had the ability to speak.

And therein lies the problem.





07-22-2012 07:35 PM
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Lady Cop Away
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RE: Dear Maggot MD

(07-22-2012 07:34 PM)HairOfTheDog Wrote:  
(07-22-2012 07:29 PM)Lady Cop Wrote:  i've dumped annoying husbands in less time.

Yeah, but they had the ability to speak.

well not really, once i informed them of their right to remain silent. or rather their wisdom in remaining silent. hah

just kidding around you guys!






07-22-2012 07:38 PM
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