(It's long, but) A Parrot with no legs . . .

[Carsman]

A guy is in a pet shop, and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, 'Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?'.

The parrot says, 'I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot'.

'Holy crap,' the guy replies. 'You actually understood and answered me!'.

'I got every word,' says the parrot. 'I happen to be a highly intelligent and a thoroughly educated bird'.

'Oh yeah?' the guy asks. 'Then answer this, how do you hang onto your perch, without any feet?'.

'Well,' the parrot says, 'this is very embarrassing, but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar, like a little hook. You can't see it, because of my feathers'.

'Wow,' says the guy. 'You really can understand, and can speak English, can't you?'

Yes, we can be friends, You really ought to buy me, I'd be a great companion'.

The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. 'Sorry, but I just can't afford that'.

'Says the parrot, 'I'm defective, nobody wants me, cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20, just make the guy an offer!'.

The guy offers $20, and walks out with the parrot.

Weeks go by, The parrot is sensational.

He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal.

One day the guy comes home from work, and the parrot goes, 'Psssssssssssst,' and motions him over with one wing.

'I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife, and the UPS man'.

'What are you talking about' asks the guy?

'When the UPS man delivered a package today, your wife greeted him
at the door, in a sheer black nightie'. Then the UPS man came into the house, and lifted up her nightie, and began petting her all over' reported the parrot.

'NO!' the guy exclaims, 'and she let him?'

'Yes, Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees, and began to kiss her all over.'

Then the frantic guy demands, 'THEN WHAT HAPPENED?'.



DUNNO?!? I got a hard-on, and fell off my perch!'!!

[Clang McFly]

Roflmao!

[HairOfTheDog]

Yeah, it took a while to get to the climax, Cars.

But, a long time is a good time sometimes. This is one of them.

[Donovan]

I heard about that Parrot shop before. They have a history of selling cheap defective birds.

For example, this lady friend of mine, real churchgoing pious type, once went in to buy a talking parrot and the shopkeeper said they had one but that it was defective. It had been owned by some degenerates who taught it all sorts of filthy language and rude behavior. The owner said no normal people could stand the parrot ' s behavior and always brought it back. He said it was free if she wanted to get it out of his shop, as it was teaching the other birds the same awful language.

So my lady friend said " I am a Sunday school teacher and quite good and correcting bad behavior. I'll take it." So she bundled up this beautiful bird and brought it home, set it all up in her living room and said to it, "Good morning Polly, would you like a cracker?"

To which that parrot replied, "Fuck your cracker, bitch. Get me a goddamn beer."
My pious lady friend was startled but said, "Polly, we do not speak profanity or blasphemy in this house. If you do it again I shall have to punish you."

The parrot replied, "Fuck God, fuck your punishment and fuck you. Where's my goddamn beer you stupid cunt?"

Without a word the old lady snatched the parrot out of his perch, went into the kitchen and stuffed him into the freezer and closed the door. After about 30 minutes she took the shivering parrot out, set him back on his perch and said, "well, Polly, have we learned a lesson in manners? What would you like to say for yourself?"

The parrot was silent for a moment then said, " Before I answer, tell me this...what did that turkey in the freezer do to piss you off?"

[HairOfTheDog]

^

[Carsman]

Well OK that reminds of another parrot joke. (Also long)

This female parrot lived in a whore house, and eventually repeated what she heard day after day. Wanna get laid, wanna get laid, and never would stop saying that.

Well one day the whore house got shut down, and no body wanted the parrot cause she could not stop saying wanna get laid, wanna get laid.

It just so happened the cleaning lady there, said she knew of these two parrots kept by the bishop in her church, and all those two parrots did was say the rosary 24/7.

So she offered to take the whore house parrot to the church, and have her put into the same room with the praying parrots, as it may help her forget the only words she knew.

So the whore house parrot was taken to the church, and put in the room with the ²⁴⁄₇ rosary praying parrots, and sure enough as soon as she got in the room, she said, "wanna get laid, wanna get laid?

So the praying parrots, looked at each other, and one said to the other, "drop the beads Jake, our prayers have been answered"!!

[HairOfTheDog]

"drop the beads Jake, our prayers have been answered"!!

[Blindgreed1]

Heard both parrot jokes. Camel jokes are many and long as well.

[Donovan]

A Mexican guy walks into a cantina wearing a huge sombrero with dangling blue fuzzy balls all around the rim, wearing shiny spangled toreador outfit and a giant two-foot-tall luminescent green parrot sitting on the top of the hat. The barkeep takes one look at the spectacular bird and says "Jesus Christ where did you get THAT thing?"

"Fuck if I know," said the parrot. "He came with the hat."

[Love Child]

^^
Ha Ha Ha!