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Four years old is without a doubt the best time for kids to have deep thought and come out with unintentionally hilarious shit. Here are actual gems from the little dude, who I am apparently still allowed to visit.
-If you don't poop your pants, Donovan, I will be very proud of you.
-only grownups have coke, right? When I am big and hairy like you I will have a lot of coke!
-(Singing) Spider man, spiderman, woohoo he's an African! Spins a web, any time, catches sheep, and that's all right. Look out! Here comes spiderman!
-You had to go sleep at your house because you snore too much and makes Grandma cry.
Thank god I am oblivious to the opinions of others while caught in the blinding splendor of my own cleverness.
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I'm so glad this is the first thread I'm reading this morning. These are great! 
If you don't poop your pants I'll be very proud of you too!
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I'll be pretty proud of myself. It's harder than it looks.
Thank god I am oblivious to the opinions of others while caught in the blinding splendor of my own cleverness.
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I will try and remember some of the goofy stuff my kids said. They do come up with some remarkable insight. That's the better things that kids do Dono it makes it worthwhile to deal with them, and the occasional smile is worth all the trouble.
I told my kid the other day that someday when he grows up he'll have kids, he said "so will you"
He ain't heavy, he's my brother.
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Lil greed1 @ 8 years old: DAD!!! Come watch me shoot the sperm! C'mon daddy I can shoot the sperm really fast! Come watch me. Sperm = Berm he was really into BMX at the time.
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Hahaha! I love this stuff! Keep 'em coming.
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Lil greed2 @ 17 on memorial day last week: Dad... Why aren't you drinking beer? It's Memorial day and you're BBQ-ing?
Me: I just didn't think of it pooh. Since when are you concerned about my beer drinking habits?
Lil greed2: It's Memorial day dad. You're BBQ-ing. Go get yourself some beer.
Me: Okay I guess I will.
Lil greed2: Hey while you're there pick up some chocolate ice cream for me.
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If you've never been to Epcot they have a world showcase and you can buy stuff from different countries. I bought my daughter a pair of Chinese slippers that she loves. Anyway I was on the phone with my husband yesterday and I told him that some guy called about a permit, but I couldn't make out his name, he sounded like a Chinese guy. After I hang up my daughter looks at me and says "a Chinese guy?" I said yeah why, and she says "is he the man that made my slippers?"
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As they get older the stuff they say goes from cute to annoying. My son calls the other day at 9 am.
Son: Someone wants to talk to you.
Cop: Thought you'd like to know your son is across the street from the school with some other kids blaring his car stereo and smoking cigars. I'll put him back on the phone.
Me: WTF are you doing, you're supposed to be in school.
Son: I was getting ready to come home for lunch and some kids came over and wanted to hear my stereo system.
Me: Since when the fuck do you come home for lunch a 9 in the morning.
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(05-28-2015, 02:57 PM)sally Wrote: smoking cigars
Aren't they king shit.
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(05-28-2015, 02:57 PM)sally Wrote: As they get older the stuff they say goes from cute to annoying. My son calls the other day at 9 am.
Son: Someone wants to talk to you.
Cop: Thought you'd like to know your son is across the street from the school with some other kids blaring his car stereo and smoking cigars. I'll put him back on the phone.
Me: WTF are you doing, you're supposed to be in school.
Son: I was getting ready to come home for lunch and some kids came over and wanted to hear my stereo system.
Me: Since when the fuck do you come home for lunch a 9 in the morning. That's not nearly as annoying as my call from the cops.
Cop: He's here in lock up. You wanna come get him?
Me: What'd he do?
Cop: Breaking and entering, GTA, possession and resisting.
Me: Keep him, I need to get him a lawyer.
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lol harsh toughlove parenting. I remember when I got popped for some stupid teenage shit while staying with my mother, who didn't at all like a roomful of cops in her house where there was way more incriminating stuff than what I was busted with. The cops got done with me and were gonna release me to her and she suggested they keep me for a few hours until she calmed down enough not to straight up murder me. She wasn't kidding.
Thank god I am oblivious to the opinions of others while caught in the blinding splendor of my own cleverness.
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(05-28-2015, 08:45 PM)Donovan Wrote: lol harsh toughlove parenting. I remember when I got popped for some stupid teenage shit while staying with my mother, who didn't at all like a roomful of cops in her house where there was way more incriminating stuff than what I was busted with. The cops got done with me and were gonna release me to her and she suggested they keep me for a few hours until she calmed down enough not to straight up murder me. She wasn't kidding. That was just the beginning of my tough love experience with my son Dono. When he showed up at my door on Thanksgiving 2004, strung out on coke and meth, begging for a place to sleep for the night, I had to turn my back and shut the door. Hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. He's since thanked me for that and I'm happy to report that he is almost finished with his maters in business admin now. Working full time. Supporting my two gorgeous grandaughters. It haunted me for years, but in the end it was worth it.
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That is the toughest thing you can do. Knock wood my boy is relatively well adjusted but my baby brother I essentially raised went bad to the point I had to turn my back on him. He finally got his shit together enough to finish raising his kids. No super success job or degree, but he manned up and did his fucking job as a father.
Thank god I am oblivious to the opinions of others while caught in the blinding splendor of my own cleverness.
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(05-29-2015, 11:25 AM)Blindgreed1 Wrote: (05-28-2015, 08:45 PM)Donovan Wrote: lol harsh toughlove parenting. I remember when I got popped for some stupid teenage shit while staying with my mother, who didn't at all like a roomful of cops in her house where there was way more incriminating stuff than what I was busted with. The cops got done with me and were gonna release me to her and she suggested they keep me for a few hours until she calmed down enough not to straight up murder me. She wasn't kidding. That was just the beginning of my tough love experience with my son Dono. When he showed up at my door on Thanksgiving 2004, strung out on coke and meth, begging for a place to sleep for the night, I had to turn my back and shut the door. Hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. He's since thanked me for that and I'm happy to report that he is almost finished with his maters in business admin now. Working full time. Supporting my two gorgeous grandaughters. It haunted me for years, but in the end it was worth it. Only thing I can't figure out is how he was doing coke AND meth and wanted to sleep at all. Shit I don't think I closed my eyes willingly from 1988 to 1993. Then I slept a out a year straight lol
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(05-29-2015, 11:53 AM)Donovan Wrote: (05-29-2015, 11:25 AM)Blindgreed1 Wrote: (05-28-2015, 08:45 PM)Donovan Wrote: lol harsh toughlove parenting. I remember when I got popped for some stupid teenage shit while staying with my mother, who didn't at all like a roomful of cops in her house where there was way more incriminating stuff than what I was busted with. The cops got done with me and were gonna release me to her and she suggested they keep me for a few hours until she calmed down enough not to straight up murder me. She wasn't kidding. That was just the beginning of my tough love experience with my son Dono. When he showed up at my door on Thanksgiving 2004, strung out on coke and meth, begging for a place to sleep for the night, I had to turn my back and shut the door. Hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. He's since thanked me for that and I'm happy to report that he is almost finished with his maters in business admin now. Working full time. Supporting my two gorgeous grandaughters. It haunted me for years, but in the end it was worth it. Only thing I can't figure out is how he was doing coke AND meth and wanted to sleep at all. Shit I don't think I closed my eyes willingly from 1988 to 1993. Then I slept a out a year straight lol He had run out of drugs by that time and was living on the street. He went to meth when the coke ran out... etc...
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My daughter has this plastic leash that came with a stuffed giraffe that I bought her from the zoo. She just came up behind me and whipped me in the back like nigger with it. Jesus, she got me good with that stupid thing. Then she says I'm sorry mom in her cute little voice.
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She may have been up that night you thought she was sleeping.
He ain't heavy, he's my brother.
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When I kicked my ex out of the house, I took a week off of work to get the kids situated and figure out where I was with bills and such due to her narcotics addiction. After about the third day into my week off I was negotiating a payment on the phone and my daughter (5 at the time) came inside and sat down next to me patiently waiting for me to get off the phone. After I hung up, she said "Daddy open your hand." I opened my hand up and she placed 3 small stones in my palm. They were pretty stones with quartz and mica and they had a dark green hue to them. To this day I can't figure out where she could have found them, as these rocks are not native to our region. She explained in her tiny little cute voice that "These are our new family stones. There is one for each of us and as long as I always keep them together we would always be safe and stay together." Yeah... I cried. Gave her a big hug and a kiss. The stones are currently in the top drawer of my dresser. I look at them every day before I head off to work.
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