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A question about people and relationships.
#1
When I am in a relationship I generally accept the person for who they are. I remember meeting someone's mom and she was overly excited about our relationship, hoping it would turn to marriage and said something like, "Well you can change him when you get married"

I was mortified. I wouldn't know the first thing about trying to change someone. Usually anyone I was in a relationship with told me they appreciated that I accepted them for who they are and that I didn't try to change them.

That is all fine and dandy.

So.....I actually have 3 boyfriends who changed for the women they dated after me. And not just physical appearances either-what is up with that?
Like one person didn't believe in working for others and accepted "being poor" and then all the sudden they are working and in school etc etc
One guy didn't want to have kids ever again and is now adopting and seems to be over his hang ups about his mom and anything else he was hung up about.

WTF. I honestly don't think I am going to see myself trying to "change" someone-but do people just change for someone and why? Am I supposed to find someone and change them?!
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#2
I don't think it's ever a good idea to pressure a person to  change against their will when it comes to romantic relationships.

But, people's wants/needs aren't stagnant, in my experience.  

They can change naturally/willingly for any number of reasons, including the wants/needs of someone they really love.

I've known people  who didn't tell their significant others what they really wanted/needed for fear of coming across pushy.  So, they never got it and were surprised when their exes gave it to someone else happily.

And, I've known men and women who walked away from relationships because they didn't want to contemplate change and later regretted it.

I don't know.  I suspect as long as you're not suppressing or denying your own true needs/wants for fear that your boyfriends will think you're trying to change them, the relationships progress or end as they should.
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#3
People are fucking strange.
People do change over time but I think that the idea of changing the person yo are initially attracted to is pretty shit.
(10-09-2018, 02:13 PM)HairOfTheDog Wrote: you believe men have the right and entitlement to molest and sexually assault minors and women.  

If HoTD doesn't agree with you politically you better humour her snowflake mentality or she will smear you for no good reason, like every other indoctrinated SJW. Liar and Slimeball. 
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#4
(01-05-2019, 02:56 AM)MirahM Wrote: but do people just change for someone and why? Am I supposed to find someone and change them?!

No, you don't make a conscious effort to change yourself or others. People have to be happy in their own skin in order to live their best life. I have zero interest in changing anyone and I would be put off if someone were to try and change me. I'm a horribly flawed individual, I have faults and even with all that I would rather be alone than to change or have someone try to change me. I am comfortable with saying take me as I am or don't take me at all.
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#5
(01-05-2019, 04:02 AM)HairOfTheDog Wrote: I don't think it's ever a good idea to pressure a person to  change against their will when it comes to romantic relationships.

But, people's wants/needs aren't stagnant, in my experience.  

They can change naturally/willingly for any number of reasons, including the wants/needs of someone they really love.

I've known people  who didn't tell their significant others what they really wanted/needed for fear of coming across pushy.  So, they never got it and were surprised when their exes gave it to someone else happily.

And, I've known men and women who walked away from relationships because they didn't want to contemplate change and later regretted it.

I don't know.  I suspect as long as you're not suppressing or denying your own true needs/wants for fear that your boyfriends will think you're trying to change them, the relationships progress or end as they should.

Yeah this. I think my relationships never work out because I'm always suppressing my crossdressing. Worrying not if but when they find out or how early in the relationship I should tell them.

I don't want to change myself or change anybody but I fear if I don't I will be forever alone, forever friend zoned.
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#6
I appreciate the responses. Thank you.
I don't want to change anyone and I like accepting people for who they are, where they are. I think encouraging ourselves and others to be their best is good.

I do wonder what makes people change for others it is interesting to me.
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#7
(01-06-2019, 12:27 AM)MirahM Wrote: I do wonder what makes people change for others it is interesting to me.

The hope for sex silly.
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#8
Excellent point and one I hadn't considered. Now that I'm thinking about it, it feels like a lie to me. I'm going to do this and I'm going to do that, all with the hope of getting a piece of ass.
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#9
My husband has a couple of friends whose wives won't allow them to drink beer or smoke weed. Which I think is bullshit. They work all day long, they should be able to drink a beer and smoke a joint when they get home without getting bitched at. But they told my husband if they do then they won't get laid. So instead they sneak beer and weed when the bitches aren't around. Fucking stupid.
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#10
(01-06-2019, 01:15 PM)sally Wrote: Fucking stupid.

...and how about when someone says, my husband/wife won't let me do that (whatever "that" is) Da fuck. I seriously cannot imagine asking for permission for any damn thing. I think my head spins right around whenever I hear a woman say that.
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#11
It's times like that, that I am glad I am single.
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#12
(01-06-2019, 01:44 PM)Duchess Wrote:
(01-06-2019, 01:15 PM)sally Wrote: Fucking stupid.

...and how about when someone says, my husband/wife won't let me do that (whatever "that" is) Da fuck. I seriously cannot imagine asking for permission for any damn thing. I think my head spins right around whenever I hear a woman say that.

I work with a lady that won't go places w/out her husband. Except sometimes she goes to the movies or does a girls night out, but she will say stuff like, "No, my husband doesn't like to go there" so that means she won't go by herself. WTF. But she is happily married for many many years.

I'm not sure I agree with Pryo's asesment of people changing to get sex. I think it has to be more than that.
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#13
(01-06-2019, 12:27 AM)MirahM Wrote: I do wonder what makes people change for others it is interesting to me.

(01-06-2019, 08:42 PM)MirahM Wrote:
(01-06-2019, 01:44 PM)Duchess Wrote:
(01-06-2019, 01:15 PM)sally Wrote: Fucking stupid.

...and how about when someone says, my husband/wife won't let me do that (whatever "that" is) Da fuck. I seriously cannot imagine asking for permission for any damn thing. I think my head spins right around whenever I hear a woman say that.

I work with a lady that won't go places w/out her husband. Except sometimes she goes to the movies or does a girls night out, but she will say stuff like, "No, my husband doesn't like to go there" so that means she won't go by herself. WTF. But she is happily married for many many years.

I'm not sure I agree with Pryo's asesment of people changing to get sex. I think it has to be more than that.


I think you're right too MM, love and wanting to make your partner happy is also part of the equation, as well as a 5050 compromise of both parties most of the time.
There will be some times when it may likely be a 6040 or 7030 split, but the majority of the time 5050 split should (must) be accomplished.
It works for me, and has for many many years.

Trying to change a person is just looking for problems, and hardly, if ever, really works.
Carsman: Loves Living Large

Life is short, make the most of it, get outta here!
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#14
Never underestimate the power of the magical wizard's sleeve.
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#15
Or a shovel and a backyard.
You couldn't get a clue during the clue mating season in a field full of horny clues if you smeared your body with clue musk and did the clue mating dance.
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