The Felony-Stupid Criminal File

[Lady Cop]

GAWKER

The Smoking Gun has uncovered an old mugshot of Susan Burns, the woman who attacked Gaugin's "Two Tahitian Women" over the weekend. They've also got the criminal complaint, and as it turns out, she's a CIA agent! (According to her.)

You may be wondering why the CIA would be sending its agents—in particular the ones with radios implanted in their heads—to attack paintings at the Smithsonian. Luckily, Burns' statement to the police, also obtained by The Smoking Gun, should help clear that up:

"I feel that Gaugin is evil. He has nudity and is bad for the children. He has two women in the painting and it's very homosexual. I was trying to remove it. I think it should be burned. I am from the American CIA and I have a radio in my head. I am going to kill you."

The very homosexual painting was not harmed in Burns' attack. The Smithsonian has not commented on whether or not it plans on burning the painting.