DEATH

[Carsman]

I'm not afraid of dying; never have had any anxiety about it. I'm comfortable with my own death -- whenever and however it goes down.

I do sometimes have anxiety about people that I love dying, though. I'm not as comfortable as I should be with that eventuality even though I lose people of whom I'm fond nearly every month in this business and handle it pretty well.

My dad's death hit me very hard and I haven't been the same since. That's not necessarily bad overall -- I just know it changed me and how I feel about some things. Sometimes I think about my mom dying and hope that I'm a little better prepared emotionally, but I know that's not the case. It causes me major anxiety to contemplate it and brings me to tears (even as I type), so I have to push it aside and know that I'll deal with it then and just focus on life now.

If one of the kids in my world died before me, it would be an unbelievable struggle to comes to terms with that and I might fail.

So, I'm gonna pour a glass of wine and stir my sauce and stop thinking about any of it!!!

My dad died last July, and now my mom last Monday. So now I'm an orphan, an old orphan, but an orphan none the less.

I'm gonna join you, and pour a glass of wine.