The Death List

[aussiefriend]

I knew someone who used to be a chaplain and he also worked at my childs school back in the day. He threatened me and was kind of obsessed at slandering me. Just because they are a chaplain doesn't mean anything.

I almost joined the air force reserve and would have been a chaplain's assistant.

Crazy!

But I wouldnt' have been an asshole like the one you or Sally described. That is awful.

No Mirah, you would have been good at it. This guy was a raging hypocrite, and part of our journey I think spiritually is that we come across so many fakes and charlatans. This guy was one of those, but also dangerous.

I never dealt with hospice before that, but my perception of them was that they were caring people that helped with end of life patients. Not this one. They called me up at 2 in the morning and said I need to get over there because my mom has the death rattle.  I didnt know at the time but a death rattle is a gurgling noise you make before dying. So I rush over there and sleep on the floor next to her because the nurse never offered to put his book down and move from the adjacent couch across from her to the chair. I could have asked him if he would mind moving to the chair so I could lay down and I should have, but I didn't. I just layed on the ground
holding her hand.

Sally, end of life care/palliative care is such a sacred specialised type of care when it is done properly. When it is done improperly from poor experience, qualifications or ethics, standard of care then the results can be diabolical. I lay next to mum's bed too the night she was passing. Mum was on morphine and had palliative end of life care, but before that, she was always with me. I am not experienced or qualified to give that standard of care and really needed help and support in that area, and wanted to be my mother's daughter, not just her carer. 

When she was passing into the next life, you were there in that time, my mum had that death rattle too. It's hard even talking about this subject. I really hope that this bad part will fade in time for you.  I think it must be hard for you sometimes with your children, because there would be stuff with your kids as they get older and it's inevitable that you think "I wish my mother was alive so I could share this moment with her". I know I think that sometimes.