ASK SALLY ANYTHING

[sally]

Sally's our culinary expert and I'm not trying to step on her toes here.

I just want to add to her good advice so no one ends up at the proctologist on Christmas Eve.

1.  Before you shove the platter goodies up your asses, be sure to remove any toothpicks from bite-sized pieces to avoid bloody taint or rectal perforations.    

2.  Avoid trying to shove the finger foods up your asses while standing upright.  Lying down on the floor slightly turned to the side is by far the least messy and wasteful technique for shoving food up one's ass.

Here's an example of the proper technique for reference.

Don't worry about stepping on my toes, worry about the next shrimp platter you order. If you find yourself looking down at it and thinking "what in the hell do I do with this thing", you must carefully insert one at a time. Hopefully it's not more than a dozen. After that it's the cocktail sauce, but lets deal with that later.