IT'S A BRAND NEW WEEK!

[Clang McFly]

I chickened out and threw the canvass letter away instead of mailing it. Duchess was right. I'm not cut out for that level of stress and people interaction. I'm more suited to grunt work and low level human interaction. I was just fooling myself into thinking I could be better/different than what I am now.

I'm a fucking coward. I didn't even discuss it with my bosses like I told my Dad and brother.

On the bright side they did give me something new to learn. ELT Kickout sheets, whatever they are.

Clang, stop. You're not a coward, you obviously felt up to the challenge. Something happened, something took a shot at your confidence. What was it? You have to learn to identify what triggers that so you can avoid it in the future. Can you get a copy of that letter? If so, get it and mail it in, apply for the job and do so with every intention of getting it. You are capable!

Its the lack of confidence or perceived lack of confidence my bosses have in me that is stopping me. If they thought I could handle the phones or a supervisor position they would have asked me if I wanted to be retrained on the phones. It seems their happy with the work I am doing now. Happy to keep me where I am.

I don't know if I was up to the challenge or it was more likely I was trying to convince myself that I was, so I could make more money and have a chance at moving into a place of my own.

I talk a big game but I hate confrontation and I don't like change. Oh sure if I'm forced to change, like when our furnace busted and our pipes froze and burst and we had to move out of our house and into a hotel for months, then I can adapt. But voluntary change I stink at.