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Maggot Offline

Posts: 26,340
Joined: Jun 2008
Post: #15

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his eyes are glazed.
His friend calls 911 and says "I think my friend is dead. What should I do?"
The operator says, "Calm down. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There's a silence, then a shot. The guy gets back on the phone and says, "Okay, now what?"

You couldn't get a clue during the clue mating season in a field full of horny clues if you smeared your body with clue musk and did the clue mating dance.
03-23-2018 12:17 PM
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BigMark Offline

Posts: 3,870
Joined: Nov 2015
Post: #16

Sally went into a pet shop, and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said “$50.00”.

“Why so little?” she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her and said, “Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of ill repute, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff.”

Sally thought about it, but then she decided she to go ahead and purchase the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room, waiting for it to say something.

The bird looked around the room, then at Sally, and exclaimed, “New mommy, New house - New madam.” Sally was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought, “That’s really not so bad.” Then she began to laugh about the situation, considering how and where the parrot had been raised.

Moments later, the woman's husband came through the front door, arriving home from work.

The bird looked at him and said, “Old Daddy!”

03-23-2018 03:13 PM
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