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From the Boston Globe

Obit: Tom Brady's Long Hair 2009 - 2011

Tom Brady’s long hair passed away on Monday after brief but controversial life widely chronicled in gossip columns and the sports press. It was 2 years old.

The death was visually confirmed at a New England Patriots press conference earlier today when Brady appeared before reporters wearing a baseball cap, his chestnut hair closely cropped around the sides. His longtime Newbury Street stylist, Pini Swissa, told a reporter that the QB’s long locks were cut down in their prime on Monday.

Born in Foxborough in 2009, Brady’s flowing hair went on to achieve international stardom, becoming an object of adoration for some and abhorrence for others.

Shortly after it’s birth, Tom Brady’s Long Hair (known to family and friends as TBLH) drew attention for it’s spunky personality and ability to excite and incite fans of the Patriots. The flowing locks at one time reached No. 12’s shoulders. More recently, TBLH was bobbed to around chin length and seemed a bit more auburn than usual, a byproduct perhaps of summer sun and stress over the NFL lockout, now passed.

Initially accused of impersonating Canadian teen heartthrob Justin Bieber, TBLH soon developed its own rambunctious persona, growing at a rapid clip, and even traveling to Rio de Janeiro last year and disguising itself as a ponytail to evade paparazzi. Fans could not stop talking about it, at one point speculating that the Prince Valiant-like hairdo was a misguided attempt to cover an incipient thinning of his hair. Such rumors have never be confirmed.

Many observers have attempted to determine the birth mother of TBLH, hypothesizing that the guiding influence behind it was Brady’s wife, supermodel Gisele Bundchen, well-known for her own flowing tresses. The hair also is rumored to have used its influence to get former Patriot Randy Moss traded after the receiver reportedly claimed that TBLH made Brady look like “a girl.”

TBLH is survived, of course, by the newly shorn Brady, the QB’s wife Bundchen, and several lucrative endorsement deals including one for Ugg Australia, famous for its line of shaggy boots. In lieu of flowers, the family is asking that contributions be made to the Vidal Sassoon and Aveda lines of hair conditioners.