I'm bored......tell me a joke.

[Maggot]

Something that will make me LOL or shoot corn shit out my nose or make me fall down and thump the floor or spray my keyboard with chips and dip,just like I hear other people do when they are tipped back in their chair as a scare and as their eyes bulge out and and they grasp the air, I laugh type of joke.

[BROTHER]

T[size=3]ales From Beyond The Grave[/size]


A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the after life. The woman's biggest fear was that there was no heaven.


After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word, he made contact. "Mary... Mary..."
Awestruck, Mary responds, "Is that you Fred?"


"Yes, I have come back like we agreed."

"Well, what is it like?"
Fred excitedly tells his tale,

"Well, when I get up in the morning I have sex, then I have breakfast, then I have sex again,

then I bathe in the sun, then I have sex twice more, then I have lunch, then I have sex all afternoon and into the early evening, until bedtime. And, then, I start all over again the next day."

So happy Mary says, "Oh Fred, you surely must be in heaven."
Fred replies,

"Hell no, Mary, I'm a rabbit in Kansas."

[sally]

Did you not watch the youtube video I posted? If that doesn't make you laugh then I don't know what will.

[LuMPyPussy]

I can't remember how to embed a damn video. ::

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cOEIZ89N44M

[Maggot]

Lumpy may appreciate this one:

Blonde Mortician

A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit..
The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it
costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'
The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.
She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied.
You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?'
To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.
'There's no charge,' she says.
'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says..
'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says,
'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife 'So I just switched the heads.'

[BROTHER]

::sly::lol

[Maggot]

::sly::lol

One for you my little package of razor blades.

A little old man is walking down the street one afternoon, when he sees a woman with perfect breasts.
He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100?"
"Are you nuts?!" she replies, and keeps walking away.
He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. "Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?" he asks again.
"Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?"
So the little old man runs around the next block and faces her again, "Would you let me bite your breasts - just once - for $10,000 dollars?!"
She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmmmm, $10,000 dollars...; Ok, just once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there."
So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them - but not biting them.
The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, 'Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?'


"Nah," says the little old man ... "Costs too much!"

[BROTHER]

lol. Sounds like somethingBob Barker would do.