Wow. My son is getting a cold. I said good thing you don't have school this week. But if you feel really bad and don't want to go to Pal's one day, you can go to Dad's cuz he isn't working. My son says "I am NOT going to Dad's. No way."
How sad is that? And my ex is too self absored to even realize that he is ruining his relationship with both his sons.
Without knowing both sides of the story and the motivation your son has for not wanting to see his dad, it's tough to comment.
But on the surface, as you quickly explain it, it is sad.
Long story short - oldest never sees his father anymore because he can't stand him and his drinking. Youngest is rapidly starting to feel the same way. He even commented to me the other day that he never sees me drink at home. Why don't I drink? Dad drinks every day. I am glad you don't drink Mom.
Long story short - oldest never sees his father anymore because he can't stand him and his drinking. Youngest is rapidly starting to feel the same way. He even commented to me the other day that he never sees me drink at home. Why don't I drink? Dad drinks every day. I am glad you don't drink Mom.
Not that all alcohol consumption should be hidden from children, you're right that most of it should.
Drinking every day? In front of his boys?
It's not so much he's setting a terrible example (although the argument is made it is), but instead is showing a weakness that impressionable children need not be around, especially when it is parent that is doing so.
I think your son is embarrassed by the actions of his dad and thus, to avoid that displeasure, would rather avoid the exposure completely.
I don't hide drinking from the kids. I just don't drink during the week and when I am with my kids. Just not interested in it. I will have a glass of wine or a beer once in a while when they are here. But no, it's not an everyday thing with me. And I don't sit and have one after the other after the other when I do have a drink.
No, it doesn't appear you do (my comment above was directed at the behavior of your ex).
Liz and I have no problem having a glass of wine in front of our son. In fact, he recently went to a Winter Formal and we asked him how much he was going to drink and where.
He is straight with us and we are with him.
(He answered "five beers" and no, he wasn't driving. The days I could down five beers without waking up the next morning to a raging headache are looooooong gone!)
Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives........
ramseycat Wrote:Long story short - oldest never sees his father anymore because he can't stand him and his drinking. Youngest is rapidly starting to feel the same way. He even commented to me the other day that he never sees me drink at home. Why don't I drink? Dad drinks every day. I am glad you don't drink Mom.
Um... I don't think I would LET my kid stay with an abusive alcoholic father. You could get CPS involved and take away his visitation, I would think. Or at least force it to be supervised. Poor kids, geeze.
I have talked to my attorney on this numerous times. He has no DWI's. He has a job. He pays his support on time. In order to have supervised visitation, I need to have some proof of abuse. The fact that he drinks everyday and is an asshole isn't enough. My oldest doesn't want to see his father. I don't force it. It's up to my ex to repair his relationship with his son.
The exes girlfriend is a very nice lady. Why she is with him I don't know. But that fact that she is there and she keeps him in check is the only reason I have not called CPS. I am sure she won't stick around forever though.
ramseycat Wrote:I have talked to my attorney on this numerous times. He has no DWI's. He has a job. He pays his support on time. In order to have supervised visitation, I need to have some proof of abuse. The fact that he drinks everyday and is an asshole isn't enough. My oldest doesn't want to see his father. I don't force it. It's up to my ex to repair his relationship with his son.
The exes girlfriend is a very nice lady. Why she is with him I don't know. But that fact that she is there and she keeps him in check is the only reason I have not called CPS. I am sure she won't stick around forever though.
Wouldn't the testimony of your kids help? I would think so...
The older one probably because he is 12. There has to be a lot of evidence to prove someone an unfit parent. And fathers have a lot more rights these days. Gone are the days where the mother is automatically presumed to be the better parent. Right now the ex isn't making a big deal about not seeing the older son. Just shows how much he cares. As long he isn't fighting me about it right now, I don't need to do anything. And the way things are going, the younger one won't want to see him either. When that happens and the ex decides to make an issue out of it, the kids will be able to say why they don't want to see him.
SyberBitch Wrote:ramseycat Wrote:Long story short - oldest never sees his father anymore because he can't stand him and his drinking. Youngest is rapidly starting to feel the same way. He even commented to me the other day that he never sees me drink at home. Why don't I drink? Dad drinks every day. I am glad you don't drink Mom.
Um... I don't think I would LET my kid stay with an abusive alcoholic father. You could get CPS involved and take away his visitation, I would think. Or at least force it to be supervised. Poor kids, geeze.
What did he do to abuse them? I missed the part where Ramsey mentioned abuse. Is he getting drunk and beatingor neglecting them?
ramseycat Wrote:The older one probably because he is 12. There has to be a lot of evidence to prove someone an unfit parent. And fathers have a lot more rights these days. Gone are the days where the mother is automatically presumed to be the better parent. Right now the ex isn't making a big deal about not seeing the older son. Just shows how much he cares. As long he isn't fighting me about it right now, I don't need to do anything. And the way things are going, the younger one won't want to see him either. When that happens and the ex decides to make an issue out of it, the kids will be able to say why they don't want to see him.
Makes sense to me. GL when it comes down to proving your case.
sally Wrote:SyberBitch Wrote:ramseycat Wrote:Long story short - oldest never sees his father anymore because he can't stand him and his drinking. Youngest is rapidly starting to feel the same way. He even commented to me the other day that he never sees me drink at home. Why don't I drink? Dad drinks every day. I am glad you don't drink Mom.
Um... I don't think I would LET my kid stay with an abusive alcoholic father. You could get CPS involved and take away his visitation, I would think. Or at least force it to be supervised. Poor kids, geeze.
What did he do to abuse them? I missed the part where Ramsey mentioned abuse. Is he getting drunk and beatingor neglecting them?
She said he had been abusive to *her*, that is what I was referring to. If he could abuse his wife, that makes it much more likely he would abuse his kids too.
SyberBitch Wrote:sally Wrote:SyberBitch Wrote:ramseycat Wrote:Long story short - oldest never sees his father anymore because he can't stand him and his drinking. Youngest is rapidly starting to feel the same way. He even commented to me the other day that he never sees me drink at home. Why don't I drink? Dad drinks every day. I am glad you don't drink Mom.
Um... I don't think I would LET my kid stay with an abusive alcoholic father. You could get CPS involved and take away his visitation, I would think. Or at least force it to be supervised. Poor kids, geeze.
What did he do to abuse them? I missed the part where Ramsey mentioned abuse. Is he getting drunk and beatingor neglecting them?
She said he had been abusive to *her*, that is what I was referring to. If he could abuse his wife, that makes it much more likely he would abuse his kids too.
Yeah so? That doesn't mean he abuses his kids and she doesn't mention that anywhere. So far the only thing we know is that he drinks everyday after work ::dunno::I'dkill my husband if he ever hurt my children, I would like to think Ramsey would do the same. So far that doesn't seem to be the case though because she still allows them to visit.
sally Wrote:Yeah so? That doesn't mean he abuses his kids and she doesn't mention that anywhere.
No, it doesn't mean that. It just means he's a lot more likely to. People who physically abuse other people, especially when combined with alcoholism, have poor impulse control. All it takes is one time.
ramseycat Wrote:Wow. My son is getting a cold. I said good thing you don't have school this week. But if you feel really bad and don't want to go to Pal's one day, you can go to Dad's cuz he isn't working. My son says "I am NOT going to Dad's. No way."
How sad is that? And my ex is too self absored to even realize that he is ruining his relationship with both his sons.
:
::;wgaf::
Yet another tiresome entry in the domestic soup chicken diary.
I curb my desire to totally destroy this soup chicken by reminding myself about a main purposes of this site.
If we can save just one soup chicken, it's worth the effort. Think of the Matrix - it's like rescuing a fellow human from that. So I hope that one day Ramsey will truly realize what she is and see herself more objectively.