(07-07-2012, 10:38 PM)Riotgear Wrote:

(07-07-2012, 10:35 PM)Donovan Wrote: You'd think they'd have given you a bonus or something by now. Fucking subcontract work, they always screw the freelancers.

Damn labor of love. I knew I should have gone with cat burglar/diamond thief. Either that or Peace Corps.

That would have been a lot easier or at the very least saved you from an early heart attack if you're a GC.

I always thought I should go with criminal mastermind but they really only get one job description: take over the world. Can you imagine the logistical nightmare that would be? We can't even get neighborhoods to get along without shooting each other, let alone countries, and coordinating trash collection would make my hair fall out.

So I settled for Gadfly. I get to bitch all I want, never contribute a fucking thing, but complain about what everyone else is doing in a dry sardonic tone. Fucking sweet gig, it's like being a talk show host but I don't have to leave the couch.

I just gotta say it's great to have you as part of my simulated experience.

(07-07-2012, 10:47 PM)Donovan Wrote: So I settled for Gadfly. I get to bitch all I want, never contribute a fucking thing, but complain about what everyone else is doing in a dry sardonic tone. Fucking sweet gig, it's like being a talk show host but I don't have to leave the couch.

I'm not seeing the talk show host part at all, but nobody does the gadfly better. Thanks for assuring us that it's a role you play intentionally; makes it almost seem normal...

So who won? I think it should be a tie between Ma and Don for biggest pussy. They should have a bitch off.

(07-07-2012, 11:15 PM)HairOfTheDog Wrote:

(07-07-2012, 10:47 PM)Donovan Wrote: So I settled for Gadfly. I get to bitch all I want, never contribute a fucking thing, but complain about what everyone else is doing in a dry sardonic tone. Fucking sweet gig, it's like being a talk show host but I don't have to leave the couch.

I'm not seeing the talk show host part at all, but nobody does the gadfly better. Thanks for assuring us that it's a role you play intentionally; makes it almost seem normal...

That's because you haven't heard my rap. I'm one charming SOB when I wanna be. Besides, there's always room for another opinionated asshole on tv, we never get enough of them.

(07-07-2012, 11:31 PM)sally Wrote: So who won? I think it should be a tie between Ma and Don for biggest pussy. They should have a bitch off.

I bet I could talk you out of your panties in about a half hour, Sally Soccermom. I would pluck you like an overripe peach. You must be starving for some positive attention after this many years.

(07-07-2012, 11:39 PM)Donovan Wrote: That's because you haven't heard my rap. I'm one charming SOB when I wanna be. Besides, there's always room for another opinionated asshole on tv, we never get enough of them.

Well alright then, give us a taste of your talk show host rap.

What's the theme of your mock show; entertainment OR relationships OR Springer-style...?

Who would be your first mock guest, Mr. Charming SOB?

It's not words, it's the inflection.

(07-07-2012, 11:56 PM)Donovan Wrote: It's not words, it's the inflection.

I think that earns you another +1.

What part of "You haven't HEARD me" is perplexing you? For that matter, what part of "I'm a lazy motherfucker" are you struggling with?

But if you must know, I'd be one of those local cable access talk show dudes, the kind that do conspiracy rants and profanity laced monologues and then spend a few minutes yelling at local crazies like the guy who started the religion of worshipping Smurfs or the guy who ran for mayor with his dog.

Remember Wally George? That guy.

Oh yeah, and my first guest would almost certainly be you, just to prove once and for all you're a real girl. And if not, well, I could work well with a sockpuppet sidekick.

(07-08-2012, 12:04 AM)Donovan Wrote: What part of "You haven't HEARD me" is perplexing you? For that matter, what part of "I'm a lazy motherfucker" are you struggling with?

But if you must know, I'd be one of those local cable access talk show dudes, the kind that do conspiracy rants and profanity laced monologues and then spend a few minutes yelling at local crazies like the guy who started the religion of worshipping Smurfs or the guy who ran for mayor with his dog.

Remember Wally George? That guy.

Oh yeah, and my first guest would almost certainly be you, just to prove once and for all you're a real girl. And if not, well, I could work well with a sockpuppet sidekick.

So, Lazy Motherfucker, I'm thinking talk show host isn't in your future; not even the Wally George type.

If you're unable to understand that "okay, give us a taste" is an obvious invitation to show off the talent about which you've bragged but we haven't yet HEARD, I think keeping up with interviews might be a stretch. Maybe you could pull off a Wayne's World type cable show from your basement, though. Maybe.

Anyway, you've got the SOB part down pat. When does the charming part kick in?

Edit: I don't do interviews (and you'd want someone more interesting for you debut anyway; someone willing to come to your house for couch chat).

(07-08-2012, 12:22 AM)HairOfTheDog Wrote:

(07-08-2012, 12:04 AM)Donovan Wrote: What part of "You haven't HEARD me" is perplexing you? For that matter, what part of "I'm a lazy motherfucker" are you struggling with?

But if you must know, I'd be one of those local cable access talk show dudes, the kind that do conspiracy rants and profanity laced monologues and then spend a few minutes yelling at local crazies like the guy who started the religion of worshipping Smurfs or the guy who ran for mayor with his dog.

Remember Wally George? That guy.

Oh yeah, and my first guest would almost certainly be you, just to prove once and for all you're a real girl. And if not, well, I could work well with a sockpuppet sidekick.

So, Lazy Motherfucker, I'm thinking talk show host isn't in your future; not even the Wally George type.

If you're unable to understand that "okay, give us a taste" is an obvious invitation to show off the talent about which you've bragged but we haven't yet HEARD, I think keeping up with interviews might be a stretch. Maybe you could pull off a Wayne's World type cable show from your basement, though. Maybe.

Anyway, you've got the SOB part down pat. When does the charming part kick in?

Edit: I don't do interviews (and you'd want someone more interesting for you debut anyway; someone willing to come to your house for couch chat).

I'm sorry, SOB is all you get. I'm charming, not indiscriminate. If you want a performing monkey ask Ma. Too bad about you refusing to do interviews though. I've almost got that Skype hooked up finally...

(07-08-2012, 08:58 AM)Donovan Wrote: I'm sorry, SOB is all you get. I'm charming, not indiscriminate. If you want a performing monkey ask Ma. Too bad about you refusing to do interviews though. I've almost got that Skype hooked up finally...

You offered up the charming talk show host; thought you might wanna mock around with it, just for fun, here and now. Shoulda known better. No monkeys, SOBs, or interviews on my entertainment agenda.

Carry on with bitching, moaning, and bullshitting. I think you've got a real shot at winning the contest...

(07-07-2012, 11:42 PM)Donovan Wrote: I bet I could talk you out of your panties in about a half hour, Sally Soccermom. I would pluck you like an overripe peach. You must be starving for some positive attention after this many years.

Slipping me GHB does not equate to talking me out of my panties.

Remind to never go to Donovan's house for a bbq.

(07-08-2012, 10:15 AM)HairOfTheDog Wrote:

(07-08-2012, 08:58 AM)Donovan Wrote: I'm sorry, SOB is all you get. I'm charming, not indiscriminate. If you want a performing monkey ask Ma. Too bad about you refusing to do interviews though. I've almost got that Skype hooked up finally...

You offered up the charming talk show host; thought you might wanna mock around with it, just for fun, here and now. Shoulda known better. No monkeys, SOBs, or interviews on my entertainment agenda.

Carry on with bitching, moaning, and bullshitting. I think you've got a real shot at winning the contest...

Hey thanks for giving me permission to do whatever I feel like doing, released from the pressure of having to entertain you. And you...can do whatever it is you do here.

You're welcome.

I'll continue to post for fun and sometimes discussion. Will stay clear of you and your old and new bullshit. Too much lame drama.

(07-08-2012, 10:17 AM)sally Wrote:

(07-07-2012, 11:42 PM)Donovan Wrote: I bet I could talk you out of your panties in about a half hour, Sally Soccermom. I would pluck you like an overripe peach. You must be starving for some positive attention after this many years.

Slipping me GHB does not equate to talking me out of my panties.

Remind to never go to Donovan's house for a bbq.

There is no drug in the world as powerful for a woman as undivided attention. It's like your kryptonite. But I also know the secret ingredient that makes your knees tremble and turns creepy stalker attention into the good kind you all crave.

And that, I ain't sharing. You'd only deny it, and the other men don't need to know.

(07-08-2012, 10:29 AM)HairOfTheDog Wrote: You're welcome.

I'll continue to post for fun and sometimes discussion. Will stay clear of you and your old and new bullshit. Too much lame drama.

Don't go away mad, girl, just go away.


That's a song lyric. I know you're fond of those instead of actual insight.

Funny, when I hit reply/quote the word "Lame" shows up but wasn't in your post....I wonder did you edit it out, or in?