(12-18-2013, 06:05 PM)Cynical Ninja Wrote:

(12-18-2013, 05:42 PM)Maggot Wrote: your 1^st grade mind

Bwahahahahahahahahaha!

I have letters after my name.

I bet you do. Is it like a second name maybe "Meyer"


And like it really makes a difference chico? Or have you forgotten I deal with idiots everyday that have PhD's doctorates, masters and Graduate degrees. It does not make them any smarter or have anymore common sense than a true Yankee. But if that's what's important to you shallow Hal let it be far from me to ever toss a hole under the hoof of your high horse.

I have an advanced degree; it's true that it doesn't make me smarter than everyone who doesn't have one and is often not relevant to my thought and decision-making processes.

Take this little mind bender, for example.

QUESTION:
Two men find themselves stranded on separate desert islands.

The man on island A has only a dictionary, a collection of Mozart compositions, and an endless supply of fireworks.

The man on island B has a coffee table book, 8 songs of various genres, and an endless supply of heroin.

The islands are exactly the same, but in different locations. There is no chance of rescue for either man. Which man would you bet on to live the longest, most productive, and most pleasurable life of solitude?

MY ANSWER:
I'd choose Island Man A - even without knowing that he was much more of a craftsman than Island Man B, and even knowing that the fireworks have no potential to facilitate a rescue.

He's keeping his brain active by learning/memorizing new words, keeping his spirit youthful by having a celebration to look forward to every night, and there are few things more life-affirming than lighting up the sky to Requiem.

Meanwhile, Island Man B is strung-out on horse, weeping to Ashes to Ashes, and fighting off suicidal tendencies as he desperately attempts to construct a coffee table upon which to place his coveted big colored picture book.

My advanced degree played no part in coming to this conclusion. Promise.

In fact, I'm so stupid, that I wouldn't consider people who choose Island Man B for reasons of their own stupid - being that there's really no right or wrong answer and it's a fictional scenario.

I'd choose Island B. If I were stuck on an island alone for the rest of my life I'd rather have a shorter lifespan with a never ending supply of heroine than live to 110 with a never ending supply of stupid fireworks.

(12-19-2013, 10:14 AM)sally Wrote: I'd choose Island B. If I were stuck on an island alone for the rest of my life I'd rather have a shorter lifespan with a never ending supply of heroine than live to 110 with a never ending supply of stupid fireworks.

I get that. If you don't wanna live under those circumstances, fireworks or no fireworks, Island B is the place to be.

So, you'd choose Island Man A in the scenario because his likelihood of living a longer life is greater.

(12-15-2013, 03:19 PM)Cynical Ninja Wrote:

(12-14-2013, 07:14 PM)sally Wrote: The book would be A-Z Medical Diseases

Lol.

Yeah nothing makes the lonely desert island experience better than being paranoid as fuck about every little ache and pain you get.

If you get an ache and look in the book and you realise “shit! Stomach ulcer!” What do you do then? Call 911? So now not only are you in pain you also know how serious it is and you can do nothing about it!

Brilliant.

I'm alone on an island with no family and nothing to live for, what the fuck do I have to be paranoid about? Pain is pain and not knowing isn't going to make the pain any better.

If I were stranded on an island I'd hope and pray for a volleyball to wash ashore so I could have a new friend named Wilson.

Wilson was the sole reason Tom Hanks eventually made it off that island. And even if I'm never rescued, Wilson and I could converse and I'd for sure figure out how to play 1-man volleyball with him.

(12-19-2013, 11:13 AM)Midwest Spy Wrote: If I were stranded on an island I'd hope and pray for a volleyball to wash ashore so I could have a new friend named Wilson.

Wilson was the sole reason Tom Hanks eventually made it off that island. And even if I'm never rescued, Wilson and I could converse and I'd for sure figure out how to play 1-man volleyball with him.

It's more likely a used condom would wash ashore. You could blow it up and have a new friend named Dick I suppose.

Couple points in favor of two items being roundly mocked: first, heroin as a medicinal aid, pain reliever, appetite suppressant etc would be a damn fine thing to have on a deserted island. Historically speaking it's been used for centuries. It's one of the big problems I had with LOST as a TV show was that they had all that perfectly good heroin and they were rifling through dead people's bags for tylenol. Srsly?
Secondly, fireworks may seem like a big joke until you consider they're packed with all manner of lovely incendiary and propulsive powders that can be re purposed for torches, fires, emergency beacons, and even projectiles. Next to heroin not a bad thing at all to have along. Take it from an actual practicing homeless guy: one likes a useful multipurpose item when things get squirrely.

No one has mocked heroin; not even as nothing more than a luxurious escape from reality or a practical death facilitator.

Only fireworks, the dictionary, the medical book, and maybe Wilson have been subject to mockery.

It's a cruel cruel world...

I wasn't mocking Wilson, I was trying to spare him from MS's never ending supply of fictitious sex stories.

(12-19-2013, 12:07 PM)sally Wrote: I wasn't mocking Wilson, I was trying to spare him from MS's never ending supply of fictitious sex stories.

It's a list a mile-long.

I've only just scratched the surface here at Mock (and have shared the tamest of tales).

If you're interested, I could PM a story a day your way?

(12-19-2013, 12:07 PM)sally Wrote: I wasn't mocking Wilson, I was trying to spare him from MS's never ending supply of fictitious sex stories.

Sorry bout that - I read you wrong first time out.

Anyway, I agree - Wilson, like heroin, is beyond mockery.

He's been through so much already - it's the right thing to spare him from such cruelty; not only from the stories, but almost certainly from molestation as well.

I'm pretty sure MS wouldn't be telling Wilson sex stories. More likely when and if he ever got rescued he'd be telling us stories about all the sex he had with Wilson.

Just imagine if two Wilsons washed up. It would be like winning the lottery.

My Wilson would be a rock shaped like one of those Easter island monoliths. It could be small so it could fit in a nook of a cave but I would talk to it like an auctioneer.

(12-19-2013, 09:33 PM)sally Wrote: Just imagine if two Wilsons washed up. It would be like winning the lottery.

Captain of rescue ship: "That castaway down there on the beach-- is he...motorboating those volleyballs?"

I'm sidling up to a nice toucan couple as soon as I get marooned.

They live about 20 years and the females have a couple of babies per year. So, if one of my original bird-brained companions dies before I do, it'll be easier to cope with young ones around.

Plus, toucans are cool.



In keeping with emerging Mock tradition, I will name my first male toucan friend, "Wilson". The second one will be named, "Phillips".

When times get tough, together we'll break free from the pain and hold on for one more day. One more day...

You can forget about your friends Wilson and Phillips because Maggots stupid fireworks scared them off all the surrounding islands.

^plus you can eventually murder the toucans and steal their sweet Fruit Loops treasure.

Toucan's welcome fiery lights across the sky and are accustomed to loud crashing noises - probably due to all of the thunderstorms they weather on the tropical desert island.

They are also known to be the most generous of the berry-eating multi-colored long-billed birds; gladly opening up their treasure chests and sharing the Fruit Loop trove with friends old and new, fair feathered or otherwise.

On the down side, toucans under the age of 12 tend to roll their eyes at Bach and Zappa. But, their older relatives appreciate the masters, so the music mockery should be somewhat limited. However, I wish I had thought about the companionship factor when choosing my song list - I would have thrown in a Justin Bieber tune, for the children...