What could have been so bad that it forces someone to kick the person they profess to love out of a car 800 miles from home? Would this be viewed differently had the roles been reversed and Donovan kicked her and her kid out?

I'm not responding to your post, Hot D, this is just a general question for everyone.

It's abuse Duchess. It's domestic violence. How anyone can't see that, it is so transparent. They could have been killed. There are weirdos everywhere. I watch the crime channel all the time, and it freaks me out.

Part of me thinks that HoTD is doing this to wind me up and then the other part of me thinks, what if HoTD really believes her confused rhetoric?

I don't view it as domestic violence. As far as we know, no one was touched in an offensive, hurtful manner. Given the little I know I see it simply as someone having a hissy.

There are always three sides to every story. Yours as you see it. Mine as I see it. And the truth which usually lies somewhere in the middle.

(05-12-2015, 06:30 AM)aussiefriend Wrote: It's abuse Duchess. It's domestic violence. How anyone can't see that, it is so transparent. They could have been killed. There are weirdos everywhere. I watch the crime channel all the time, and it freaks me out.

Part of me thinks that HoTD is doing this to wind me up and then the other part of me thinks, what if HoTD really believes her confused rhetoric?

Oh FFS woman...Dono is a grown ass man and his son was a teenager. I don't believe she left them in the middle of the fucking dessert, crazier than usual lady.

I'm not even sure if I dare poke back into this thread. Yikes.

I lost track of who asked questions or wanted responses and I'm not trying to cut and paste on this phone. So if brevity be the soul of wit, let me be brief:

My ex was diagnosed bi-polar and had an extremely rough adult life between the time I first met her and when we got together. It caused, among other things, a tendency to take tiny things and explode them out of all proportion until she had gone "thermonuclear" and said or done something permanently damaging to our relationship. Being that my own life experience has led me to the belief that almost nothing is that important and coupled with my internationally famous infuriating stubborn logic and wise ass outlook, it was not a good mix.

One of our worst fights was because I bought my son a soda. Literally. One was because I took away a sippy cup after a tantrumming child bopped me with it and not before. The Tennessee incident started because she wanted to leave all the toddlers (five of them) and a couple kids in the care of the older kids and drive two hours away to a concert in Nashville. No adults. In a strange place. I wasn't comfortable with it so I volunteered to stay back and let her go with her family.

More next post.

Yikes, he says.

Don't stop! This is a fun thread.

I like that it's labeled "wanna have some fun." It's twisted. I like twisted.

Meanwhile:

While I appreciate the sentiments made by some here in this thread, I would not categorize any of my Ex's behaviors as abuse. I have unfortunate extensive experience with real abuse and the helplessness that goes with it, and my own life has left me with coping mechanisms that prevent me from becoming prey to such things again. It also contributes pretty heavily to the destruction of any other relationships I might get into. It's best described as an emotional bank vault. Somebody starts screwing around with the triggers and that thing slams shut. Nothing gets in or out. Trick is, I don't exactly control when or if it ever opens up again so I try real hard to point it out to people so they just don't trigger it. Unfortunately no one ever believes it exists until they see it.

So abuse, no. But betrayal of trust, absolutely. My age, my son's age, and the details of our argument were irrelevant to the fact that she abandoned us to whatever fate and drove off. As I said, I have strong coping mechanisms including the tendency to keep a number of contingency plans for just such an emergency. My ability to get home was not a question to me. My ability to trust her with everything WAS a question. And she answered it badly.

So boom, vault door closes, time lock engaged, and everything that used to be on the table: marriage, lifetime, growing old blablabla together...gone.
I just gave it an extra chance on the hope that somehow we might work past it but that fucking vault door is stronger than me. It ain't even cracked.

I'm no fool and I don't lay any more blame at her feet than she appropriately deserves. There is a reason I seem to wind up the same way after every relationship...standing around a little apartment with my life in a pile of boxes...and it can't be all them. There is something seriously fucking flawed in my psyche and I'm thinking that might have been my last attempt at a picket fence and 2.4 kids and 401k etc

You can't make a diamond out of mud no matter how much pressure you put on it. Best you're ever gonna get is a brick. So I guess I settle for a brick.

(05-12-2015, 08:41 AM)ramseycat Wrote: There are always three sides to every story. Yours as you see it. Mine as I see it. And the truth which usually lies somewhere in the middle.

I feel the same way, rams.

I can see being left behind by a lover, far from home (with or without a teen), being a relationship-ender. But, I'm not a fearful or dramatic person, so I don't see it as being a scary life-threatening situation.

In this case, the couple decided to stay together for a long time afterwards and it doesn't sound like he was ever able to get past it. Donovan says that she is bi-polar, he has often reported that he is infuriating to women; it wasn't a good mix and they called it quits. Shit happens, people move on.

Aussie, I haven't birthed a child but I raised two kids and took them on long road trips and flights, starting years before they were teens.

It was my job to get them safely to point B, no matter what came up on the journeys. I didn't rely on anyone else to fulfill that parenting responsibility and we're all alive and well decades later to tell our versions of those adventures (some of which were better than others, by all accounts).

I was not afraid of the unexpected and didn't view the world as a scary place where everyone is either good or evil and all perceptions are absolute. That's not the view of life that I held then or now and not the outlook that I passed on to my kids at home or on the road. They aren't fearful, gullible, judgmental, consummate victims; they're strong capable adults with a healthy sense of adventure (and plenty of flaws, like everyone else.) You and I approach and see things differently; that's all. Different strokes...

We used to call Bi-polar people assholes. Now we give them drugs and their just sleepy, which does cure the assholeness.

If I were a scrapper I could easier understand the version of her side we were given but I'm not. I don't exactly turn the other cheek I simply ignore the bullshit or distance myself from it. I don't ever get mad and shout or throw things. I'm not fighting, period. I can't even recall the last heated disagreement I was in.

(05-12-2015, 11:07 AM)Maggot Wrote: We used to call Bi-polar people assholes. Now we give them drugs and their just sleepy, which does cure the assholeness.

Maybe he should have told her to take a chill pill.

(05-12-2015, 11:09 AM)Duchess Wrote: Maybe if I were a scrapper I could easier understand the version of her side we were given but I'm not. I don't exactly turn the other cheek I simply ignore the bullshit or distance myself from it. I don't ever get mad and shout or throw things. I'm not fighting, period. I can't even recall the last heated disagreement I was in.

It doesn't sound like you'd sign up for a romantic relationship with someone who you knew liked or had a propensity for conflict and arguing. I wouldn't be attracted to that kind of person in the first place either, though I can be a scrapper.

Some people want or need all kinds of drama in relationships though. My youngest sister does; always a roller coaster. She's a pain, but she's interesting and exciting. I'm more mellow and content. We get along well, but I wouldn't choose to live under the same roof as her.

(05-12-2015, 11:18 AM)HairOfTheDog Wrote: It doesn't sound like you'd sign up for a relationship with someone who you knew liked or had a propensity for conflict and arguing. I wouldn't be attracted to that kind of person in the first place either, though I can be a scrapper.

You're right, I wouldn't. I'm very laid back and quiet, I don't like extremes at all & drama turns me off, it's a buzzkill. In the top five things that make me happy you would find serenity occupying one of the slots.

(05-12-2015, 11:22 AM)Duchess Wrote:

(05-12-2015, 11:18 AM)HairOfTheDog Wrote: It doesn't sound like you'd sign up for a relationship with someone who you knew liked or had a propensity for conflict and arguing. I wouldn't be attracted to that kind of person in the first place either, though I can be a scrapper.

You're right, I wouldn't. I'm very laid back and quiet, I don't like extremes at all & drama turns me off, it's a buzzkill. In the top five things that make me happy you would find serenity occupying one of the slots.

That's hot.

I also tend to remove myself from the situation when tempers flare, although as I've learned over the years I actually have to go somewhere. I used to crank up my metal and plug in the ear buds, but after getting blindsided by various objects I learned to take a walk or a drive.

(05-12-2015, 01:46 PM)Blindgreed1 Wrote: That's hot.

I think so but many people wouldn't like it at all. There's a ton of people who need almost constant stimulation, if there's no action, they aren't happy. I get something major from peace, I'm not sure I could even name it but it's important to me and I protect it.

(05-12-2015, 02:12 PM)Duchess Wrote:

(05-12-2015, 01:46 PM)Blindgreed1 Wrote: That's hot.

I think so but many people wouldn't like it at all. There's a ton of people who need almost constant stimulation, if there's no action, they aren't happy. I get something major from peace, I'm not sure I couldn't even name it but it's important to me and I protect it.

True story. I however am of the opinion that life throws enough curve balls your way as it is. That's why I cherish the quiet peaceful vacations in the mountains. There's a lot to be said for the biggest issue of the day is if you have enough alcohol to last through the night around the campfire amongst friends, family or a special lady friend. Hell, even a quiet peaceful weekend in town is high on my list. It was just me, Thorny and Tiggs last weekend. Did a little reading, watched a few episodes of Game of Thrones and went to bed early. I loved every minute of it.

(05-12-2015, 02:44 PM)Blindgreed1 Wrote: the quiet peaceful vacations in the mountains. There's a lot to be said for the biggest issue of the day is if you have enough alcohol to last through the night around the campfire amongst friends, family or a special lady friend.

That's my idea of a good time these days. I'm not high maintenance at all.