Sometimes?

(12-06-2016, 08:13 AM)Carsman Wrote: Sometimes?

I don't think I see myself as you do. Do you think I'm a monster too? Sally does.

(12-06-2016, 01:58 PM)Duchess Wrote:

(12-06-2016, 08:13 AM)Carsman Wrote: Sometimes?

I don't think I see myself as you do. Do you think I'm a monster too? Sally does.

Yeah, but a pretty monster!

(12-06-2016, 07:24 AM)Duchess Wrote:

Sometimes I can't stand people.

The nice people are ok, it's the people yelling at you about their title and won't listen to you when you try to explain that I can't stand.

Last night, I witnessed something that restored my faith in humanity.

On the beach, listening to Gary Sinise and the Lt. Dan Band.

Two medal of honor recipients in the crowd and 10 WW II vets.

When the vets were leaving, the folks lining the streets (young and old) spontaneously stood and applauded as they strolled down the sidewalk.

And the military personnel, attending in uniform, all saluted the medal wearers.

I was glad my Mum got to see this.

These folks saved the world from tyranny so flags could be burned.

And gays could marry.

Hoo rah!

Awesome!

I love a pressure washer. I think they are magic. I really like my blower too. I use it everywhere outdoors to make things tidy. I have a snow blower but it's still as shiny & new as when I got it :(

I missed climbing the magnolia this year for Christmas decor bullshit. It's hell gettin' old, kids. Don't do it.

(12-12-2016, 10:51 AM)Duchess Wrote:

I love a pressure washer. I think they are magic. I really like my blower too. I use it everywhere outdoors to make things tidy. I have a snow blower but it's still as shiny & new as when I got it :(

I missed climbing the magnolia this year for Christmas decor bullshit. It's hell gettin' old, kids. Don't do it.

I know way too many people who did not get to have that privilege!

So . . . . aches and pains be damned!

It's waaaay more fun becoming argumentative with those I don't know. It's easier to let 'er rip with no consequences.

(12-06-2016, 11:43 PM)BlueTiki Wrote: Last night, I witnessed something that restored my faith in humanity.

On the beach, listening to Gary Sinise and the Lt. Dan Band.

Two medal of honor recipients in the crowd and 10 WW II vets.

When the vets were leaving, the folks lining the streets (young and old) spontaneously stood and applauded as they strolled down the sidewalk.

And the military personnel, attending in uniform, all saluted the medal wearers.

I was glad my Mum got to see this.

These folks saved the world from tyranny so flags could be burned.

And gays could marry.

Hoo rah!

I see things like that sometimes, a uniformed military person or an older vet with a hat and a few pins in it. They walk past or are just in line at a store and people shake their hands or smile and say thank you. I've yet to see one get bashed or messed with.

I have a question for people who have divorced or separated and what happens when your kids turn 18.

Do you even have custody agreements for 18 year olds? I would think not but what if your kids are going to local schools (community college or something) and we (me and my husband) agree they can stay "at home(s)" with rents or free the first 6 months. What if he doesn't want said adult kid(s) at his place on a given weekend and neither do I? How do you work that out (besides acting like two adults/parents that want the best for their kids)? Maybe you do have a calendar of sorts and just lay it out to the kids and say "hey, this is the general schedule but we'll be flexible when we can and you can always ask about switching something up...but please understand the answer maybe "no" if the parent you're asking is busy that weekend".

Does that sound civilized? I've heard of the PARENTS having a second home and taking turns going back to the main house (so basically you take turns at the second home too) so the kids don't have to move around but fuck that. I want my own place and I don't want to switch off at some flop house with my husband every few days and pick up his dirty underwear or something. That kind of takes away from the whole "separation" benefits. You're still sharing two residences so you don't really have your own space.

It's a shame that I need/want breaks from my kids/family but long story short, my daughter is stuck, my husband can't see his way toward setting expectations or consequences so....she runs the house and I don't see any light at the end of the tunnel. I think this is going to be long term (hell, it's already been long term), she refuses the advice of her Drs. and I can't live with it anymore. I'm done....or done full time. I need to get out and get on with my life and hopefully one day she'll decide to take the advice of all the experts she's seen over the years. Or my husband will start making her life uncomfortable. But until then...I'm starting to make plans for my sanity. :/

I'm just not sure how people structure that but then they probably largely welcome the kids (young adults) kind of whenever. I can't do that and get the break(s) I need. Hmmmm.

(12-17-2016, 02:19 AM)username Wrote: Do you even have custody agreements for 18 year olds?

Aren't people considered legally an adult at that age?

YOU'RE the ruler of the roost. Whomever pays the bills gets to be the dictator.

If the kids are 18 there is no custody. You probably do gave financial arrangements such as who pays for school, insurance, ect. but basically the kid goes where he wants and lives with who he wants.

I've learned from my oldest daughter not to give my other two an easy life. You have to give them little pieces of adulthood along the way otherwise they wont be ready when its time to fly away. You can still have sanity and teach them. Just treat them like any other person and forget they are your kids. What would you do if a stranger treated you like they do? That is how others will look at them. And after a while they will respect you more.

The other morning my husband got pissed off because my son was still sleeping when he was supposed to be at work. My son works for him. So then he starts yelling at me that if my son doesn't move out he's going to. Bye . I wish they'd both move out.

(12-17-2016, 10:00 AM)ramseycat Wrote: If the kids are 18 there is no custody. You probably do gave financial arrangements such as who pays for school, insurance, ect. but basically the kid goes where he wants and lives with who he wants.

That doesn't work for me. If I'm going to build a nest elsewhere, my husband is going to have the kids at his place part time. Period. I guess I just have to tell the kids (somehow--preferably without completely alienating them) that they're not welcome at my place certain times. And my husband will have the option to do the same (to be fair).

My son is moving on with his life but I don't see a point where my daughter is going to be independent for I don't know how long. That's the crux of the problem (and the way my husband is with her...enabler). Huh.

Being an enabler is the hardest thing to stop. You think you're helping. Protecting them. But you're only making it worse. I don't really know what tell you. He's going to have to figure it out himself. Get the book Beyond The Yellow Brick Road by Bob Meehan. If he reads nothing else in the book, just have him read chapter 4.

I am saddened by this turn of events user. I really am. Its not that I know any better or that its never happened to me but the chain of events that occur sometimes becomes unbearable. I wish you happiness in whatever happens though and will pray for the wisdom you will need in the future. I sometimes think of my grandparents that went through WWII and lost many friends and family through the depression and sometimes wonder how they could have been so strong to survive together in such adversity.

Yeah, 21 years....

I dunno. I don't even care if we divorce (at this point). I just need out from under this chaotic/depressive environment so I can have a life. Plus...it's catching. I'm weepy, moody and irritated--more than usual!!

This has all happened because, despite the advice and recommendations of some of the leading Drs. in the country AND locally, about 7 months ago, my daughter decided they were ALL WRONG and she didn't need to take one, little, anti-depressant. In her glorious wisdom, they're all placebos being marketed and sold by big Pharmo to gullible individuals. Since then, her behavior and abilities have gone down the shitter.

We've been told we can't force her to take that stupid medicine and I've agreed (ya' can't sit on her) but after watching her slide for 6 months, I've had it; we have to do something. We can decide if she lives here (so harsh after all the time she's been away for treatment but god dammit, the "treatment" was worthless when she ignores what she's been told) OR we can treat her like any person that refuses to follow Drs. orders. We can bring someone in to help her get up, get ready, get her ass to school etc. My husband calculated that she attends UCPrivate School 45% of the time recently. She just doesn't or "can't" go. It's making me crazy and she doesn't/won't make the connection back to stopping her medication.

So I have to leave the crazy house before it kills me. *drama*

I wish you as much happiness and as much love as I can. Sometimes you just have to sit back and watch. Its hard to see family members crash and burn but sometimes that's just what it takes and you only have to be there when the shit hits the fan. I can only urge you to not give up and quit. You can still have your life and be there for them. There is a happy medium but you have to find it. I've noticed that the people that remain quiet and subdued are the ones that the weak tend to gravitate towards and sometimes just listening without comment is enough.