Have you ever said that to those who are left behind after the death of a loved one?

Nope,  although I have said some pretty stupid shit at funerals. 

15 to 20 years ago,  I was at my cousin's wake, and my aunt asked me how I was doing.  My answer? 
"I'm alive".

Yeah, still haven't lived that one down.

(11-10-2023, 07:44 AM)cannongal Wrote:   I was at my cousin's wake, and my aunt asked me how I was doing.  My answer? 
"I'm alive".

I once neglected to mute my phone and Save A Horse Ride A Cowboy blasted out in the hushed viewing room. I was fucking horrified and ran out of the room. The dead man's wife ran after me, she knew I was dying a thousand deaths and told me how much he would have enjoyed that. It's not the most I've ever embarrassed myself, but it ranks up there.

That was kind of her and she probably appreciated the interruption.

I still can't get over this person asking if Cari had been saved before she took her life. We were at her celebration of life in a community hall, not a church. She was so young, in her 20's. We were all hurting and she just asks, "Anyone know if Cari was a Christian?" " Was she saved?"
Then we could be happy instead of sad. Unfucking believable.

That's an awful thing to say to those who cared about that young woman. FFS!

I remember you talking about that girl, you were grieving hard. 

This time of year is hard, it was near Halloween. There are connections up here to her that make it tough. I find I am mostly over it and this year hit me differently.
Thanks

I felt sad after being in this thread today, so I have a funny story of when we were kids and our mom was trying to get us to go to sleep. She opened the door and I just started laughing. It was so funny, but she was not amused. My sister and I were laughing so hard, we had bunk beds and they were shaking.

I remember burning my baptismal certificate after helping myself to some communion wafers and sacrimental wine. A liberating moment in my misspent youth.

(11-10-2023, 03:43 PM)MirahM Wrote: I felt sad after being in this thread today

Aww. I didn't intend for that. I was feeling pissy after seeing someone say a recently deceased person was in a better place. That phrase irks the shit out of me. 

(11-10-2023, 04:30 PM)rothschild Wrote: I remember burning my baptismal certificate after helping myself to some communion wafers and sacrimental wine. A liberating moment in my misspent youth.

Lol

At Duchess, same. I'm better now especially since my sister is on her way here. Yay! She will arrive in 1 hour.

The only time I say they are in a better place is when the person that died was in extreme pain for a long period of time. I say they are pain free now, so they are in a better place.

Well, this is true.

It is easy to say that about one's own relative, but when you are saying it to someone else, no matter how true it may be its still tough. I just go with "Sorry for your loss" or "Sorry for your grief"

(11-11-2023, 03:55 AM)MirahM Wrote: Well, this is true.

It is easy to say that about one's own relative, but when you are saying it to someone else, no matter how true it may be its still tough. I just go with "Sorry for your loss" or "Sorry for your grief"

I never know what to say at funerals.   The standard 'sorry for your loss ' just sounds lame to me.   
Sometimes,  I'll try to share a memory of the person.   

I didn't have any memories to share last week,  so I went with 'sorry for your loss, may you find the strength to heal'.

I think it's harder to come up with words for a sudden death.    When the deceased is really old, or was diagnosed with a terminal illness,  the family has time to prepare for the death.    When someone is killed/taken suddenly there's no way to prepare for that.

(11-10-2023, 05:47 PM)MirahM Wrote:  my sister is on her way here. Yay! 

Do you have plans or are you just going to hang out and chill?

It always looks to me like you have a wonderful relationship with your family. I don't have sisters so I'm not familiar with that dynamic, but I usually imagine it to be very fun.

We have become much closer in recent years. I have 2 older sisters.
No plans, just relaxing. If it weren't raining we'd go on a hike.

Not all of my family is easy to get along with, such as family on my dad's side.

“There are no words to express how sorry I am” is what I go with. I don’t know if there is a god or not so I don’t pray or believe anyone is in a better place after they die, maybe they are but who the fuck knows.

When the crematory picked my mom up and put her in a body bag I gave her one last hug. I don’t know if she was in a better place, but I think she was just gone and went back to the earth as energy.