+- Mock (https://mockforums.net)
+-- Forum: Serious Shit? (https://mockforums.net/forum-4.html)
+--- Forum: Assholes In The News (https://mockforums.net/forum-10.html)
+--- Thread: So what happens if he wants a shit and his batteries run out. (/thread-3310.html)
So what happens if he wants a shit and his batteries run out. - Freak magnet - 11-15-2009
Man 'ripped in half' in motorbike crash given remote controlled bionic bottom
By Daily Mail Reporter
Last updated at 3:15 PM on 13th November 2009
Ged Galvin was fitted with a remote-controlled bionic bottom after a motorcycle crash
A man whose bowel was damaged in a motorcycle crash has been fitted with a bionic bottom that enables him to go to the toilet using a remote control.
Ged Galvin was given just hours to live by doctors when he was 'ripped in half' by his motorcycle fuel tank after a car pulled out in front of him at 45mph.
The 55-year-old suffered massive internal injuries and had to be fitted with a colostomy bag until surgeons performed a complex operation to rebuild his bottom.
They took a muscle from above his knee, wrapped it around his sphincter and attached electrodes to the nerves which are operated by remote control.
He carries the palm-sized device in his pocket and simply presses a button to open his bowls when he wants to go to the toilet.
The father-of-two from Barnsley, Yorkshire, said: 'When I want to go to the loo, I use the remote control.
'It's like a chubby little mobile phone. You switch it on and off, just like switching on the telly.
'They call me the man with the bionic bottom, but that doesn't bother me.
'My gratitude to the surgeons is endless because what they have done is a miracle.'
Mr Galvin's horrific accident took place on October 16, 2005, while he was riding his Kawasaki 750 near his home.
The IT manager crashed when a car pulled out in front of him, sending him flying 20 yards down the road.
He suffered a detached retina in both eyes, a fractured pelvis and vertebrae, and broke his left foot, right leg, both wrists, and an ankle.
Mr Galvin's injuries were so extensive that doctors did not expect him to survive, and his brother, a priest, read the last rites as his wife and two children stood vigil by his bedside.
He said: 'I can't remember anything about the impact but the people behind me said I never stood a chance. I just pounded into the car and did a dead stop at 45mph.
'I hit it so hard that it sheered the rear axle off the car. The fuel tank from the motorbike ripped me in half. I was airborne and ended up 20 yards down the road.
'Three days later I'd slipped into a coma and needed a tracheotomy to help me breathe. It looked like it was "Goodnight Vienna".'
Against all odds Mr Galvin survived, undergoing 13 operations during a 13-week hospital stay that saw steel plates fitted in his leg and 4in screws in his pelvis.
But two operations to fix his sphincter muscles and control his bowel movements failed.
Mr Galvin was fitted with a colostomy bag - which collects waste from an opening in the abdomen - which doctors said he would have for life.
He told how the embarrassment of the bag eventually led to the breakdown of his 30-year marriage.
He said: 'The doctors did several operations to repair the sphincters in my bottom but they didn't work. They told me I'd have the stoma for life.
'Mine was above the waist line, in a very prominent position. You think it smells all the time. You don't dare go near anyone.
'My wife couldn't stand it - it ended our marriage.
'You have to be a really strong person to live with that forever. Whatever it took, I wasn't going to have a stoma for life.'
In his bid to find an alternative solution, Mr Galvin contacted bowel specialist Professor Norman Williams at the Royal London Hospital.
He said: 'I thought that in these days of modern medicine surely there was something they could do. They'd mended everything else. Why not this?
'Professor Williams said he might be able to do something so I went for it. Anything was better than a colostomy bag.
'The pacemaker changed the leg muscle from a sprinter into a marathon runner. It gave me proper bowel control so I didn't need the stoma any more.
'The operation changed my life and gave me my pride and confidence back. I feel born again, like a new man and because of the remote control I can lead a normal life again.'
The muscles in his bionic bottom will now need to replaced once every five years.
Mr Galvin is now in a new relationship and has traded his motorbike for a Mercedes.
The off-duty policewoman who caused the accident was found guilty of careless driving, given eight points on her licence and ordered to pay compensation.
RE: So what happens if he wants a shit and his batteries run out. - LuMPyPussy - 11-15-2009
That kinda grossed even me out.
RE: So what happens if he wants a shit and his batteries run out. - twisteroo - 11-15-2009
I would worry about over volting, what if he got shocked by a frayed toaster cord, would he shit himself? The would put a surge protector on that, wouldn't they?
RE: So what happens if he wants a shit and his batteries run out. - Freak magnet - 11-15-2009
(11-15-2009, 01:05 PM)LuMPyPussy Wrote: That kinda grossed even me out.
I shouldn't laugh should I
RE: So what happens if he wants a shit and his batteries run out. - SyberBitch - 11-15-2009
Imagine if the poor guy gets near some device with the same frequency as his remote? Oops!
RE: So what happens if he wants a shit and his batteries run out. - D - 11-15-2009
(11-15-2009, 03:03 PM)SyberBitch Wrote: Imagine if the poor guy gets near some device with the same frequency as his remote? Oops!
::biglol::
RE: So what happens if he wants a shit and his batteries run out. - Luke Warmwater - 11-15-2009
They could convert his dick into one of those hand-crank battery chargers like they're putting on flashlights and radios...
...pump n' shit...
RE: So what happens if he wants a shit and his batteries run out. - LuMPyPussy - 11-15-2009
This would be a good time to revive the n'shit thread.
RE: So what happens if he wants a shit and his batteries run out. - SyberBitch - 11-15-2009
(11-15-2009, 03:43 PM)Luke Warmwater Wrote: They could convert his dick into one of those hand-crank battery chargers like they're putting on flashlights and radios...
...pump n' shit...
RE: So what happens if he wants a shit and his batteries run out. - Freak magnet - 11-15-2009
Trump n shit.
RE: So what happens if he wants a shit and his batteries run out. - SyberBitch - 11-15-2009
(11-15-2009, 04:40 PM)Freak magnet Wrote: Trump n shit.
If he's missing a leg, he could be 'stump n shit'