Dear Maggot MD

[ramseycat]

I love Maggot!

[Duchess]

There isn't one thing about that man that isn't lovable & he's the sanest person in here.

[Ma Huang Sor]

She wrote something on the bottle, but I can't read it...

It looks like "Thanks, User" and there is a heart with an arrow.

[HairOfTheDog]

Truly one of my favorite patients HOTD did not get the letter that I have been on my monthly two week sabbatical calming distraught snakes that have been interupted in the middle of shedding their skin.
This problem had been documented years ago in one of Bostons most highly recognized scientific journals titled "I'm fat and thats that"
There are 2 possibilities:
(1) The factory had a dyslexic bottle topper worker
(2) Some jaybird with issues super glued the top.
Either way somewhere someplace someone is laughing at you.


Please take a seat in the waiting room, grab a magazine and we will talk about your anxiety issues and obvious lack of hydration.

Thank you, Dr. M. I don't believe that I received the letter, but it could be that hours of insufficient hydration has caused some temporary amnesia. I understand the importance and priority of your hissing project. Thankfully, the Mock group therapy session conducted here during your hiatus resolved the immediate problem at hand. I am no longer depleted.

I have to leave soon, but will contact your office and make an appointment to address the possible amnesia and ongoing bouts with rampant silliness.

[Maggot]

Very well, I will be awaiting your arrival with prescription pad in hand.

[Maggot]

I love Maggot!

There isn't one thing about that man that isn't lovable & he's the sanest person in here.

Awwwww........I bet you say that to all the naked phychiatrists on the swing set.

[aussiefriend]

There isn't one thing about that man that isn't lovable & he's the sanest person in here.

I don't like to boast, but I can speak fluent Maggot.

[Ma Huang Sor]

Very well, I will be awaiting your arrival with prescription pad in hand.

Is that what you call it now?

[ramseycat]

I love Maggot!

There isn't one thing about that man that isn't lovable & he's the sanest person in here.

Awwwww........I bet you say that to all the naked phychiatrists on the swing set.

Naked on the swingset? Stay put! I'm on my way.

[HairOfTheDog]

I highly recommend Dr. M. should anyone else need mock psychiatric services.

I still don't understand why he insists that I put on the flimsy hospital gown and do the Macarena at the start and end of each session. However, I have full faith when he assures me that it's part of the "process", and if I don't question his methodology and follow instructions that I may reach normalcy in about 5 or 6 years (fingers crossed).

[ramseycat]

the macarena! I keep picturing at the end of Shrek when all the fairy tail creatures were doing the macarena.

[HairOfTheDog]

Dear Maggot MD,

I've been trying very hard to pass out since the World Series game ended (the SF Giants won, btw), but nothing is working. I NEVER EVER have trouble getting to sleep; mostly have trouble staying awake.

So, here I lay, reading more about politics, war and even perusing a Paris Hilton Halloween hot bod gallery (think I'm kidding, here's the link):

http://www.x17online.com/celebrities/paris_hilton/

But, all this is beside the point. I just wanted to share this image of my other "psychiatric calmness guru" from today's Google search home page with you before they change it up.


Bob would have been 70 today.

(Yep, I know I need to schedule another appt stat).

[Duchess]

Dear Maggot MD,

If trump gets dementia how will we know?

[Maggot]

Because its winter and sunlight is at a minimum becoming President will take quite a while to sink in. The In's the out's, the state dinners and the media scrutiny it may take oh, a month or so for things to sink in. But there is a bright spot. That ground hog that pokes his head out every year may become more successful and more competent at predicting future moves than the current media/poll or sit ins.
You will see him becoming a full blown blithering idiot when he starts getting an interest in golf or basketball. You may see his skin changing color and at first becoming reddish but later turning a caramel brown. He may even exhibit his teeth more often and his ears might start protruding from his head every once in a while.
By the time someone notices he may have produced a stack of gooblygock as tall as his Daughter and all the Senators will sign it claiming victory over all that is holy.

He may even pull a book or two out of his ass claiming he wrote them. But I just know everyone will see through that little piggy lie. That is when dementia will be apparent. But it may be to late to change things by then. It will all be integrated.

At some point he may start using a "teleprompter" as in the later stages of dementia he may not be able to speak without it and when left to his own devices may end up talking gibberish.

Great question! Thanks for asking.

[Clang McFly]

Deer Maggot MD,

I'm having a root canal done tomorrow morning. Would it be better to chicken out and have them just extract the tooth? Like seriously, the tooth isn't even hurting anymore like it was a few weeks ago. So no tooth pain should equal no painful root canal, right?

[Maggot]

Deer Maggot MD,

I'm having a root canal done tomorrow morning. Would it be better to chicken out and have them just extract the tooth? Like seriously, the tooth isn't even hurting anymore like it was a few weeks ago. So no tooth pain should equal no painful root canal, right?

aHHHHH. Dentistry! I've always wanted to be a dentist, since I was a wee lad. but alas I took the left fork in the road (I blame it on the nuns) at any rate because I know you and because I think you deserve the best I have a solution, quick, easy and painless.

Go to Vinnies bowling alley and purchase a pitcher of beer. Bowl a string, buy another, bowl a string buy another, you get the picture. When you feel good and comfy go see Marge, she works at the counter selling cigarettes. Tell her she needs to shave her lip and earhair at least when she goes out. Say it loud so it shows that you know about her hearing problem. Wait 2 seconds and put the "bad toothy" side towards her.

You will get instant relief because she is studying to become a ball park slugger and will be happy to practice on the pain you have. She might even say "oops" but you never know as a former patient of mine she tends to lash out at people but I have cured her of that. at least until she ran out of welfare checks.

Good luck and bowl a string for all the poor children in Rangoon.

[Duchess]

Dear Maggot MD,

What is wrong with me that I would rather go hungry than cook?

Help.

[Maggot]

Dear Maggot MD,

What is wrong with me that I would rather go hungry than cook?

Help.

Us professionals in the mental business call that preprepatory anxiety. It occurs when a past memory comes in conflict with the olfactory nerve. At some point in the past a fire truck was probably called in anticipation of work to be done, everything went well after they left. and now a feeling of dread comes when the sound of a stove clicking on happens. This usually is solved by cleaning a room or visiting a bakery.

[Duchess]

Thank you! I'll tidy my office.

[Maggot]

Any questions or needs tonight?