FAMILIARITY BREEDS CONTEMPT

[Duchess]

Do you believe that?

I think there might be something to it. For example, close the bathroom door! I don't want to know what you're doing in there and you sure as hell will never know what I'm doing in there. I wouldn't do any of that in front of anyone no matter how long I knew someone.

Although I have drunkenly peed behind a car and had someone there to be a lookout for cars coming from the opposite direction.

[FAHQTOO]

Do you believe that?

I think there might be something to it. For example, close the bathroom door! I don't want to know what you're doing in there and you sure as hell will never know what I'm doing in there. I wouldn't do any of that in front of anyone no matter how long I knew someone.

Although I have drunkenly peed behind a car and had someone there to be a lookout for cars coming from the opposite direction.

No shit... My bladder and other body parts shut down if there's an audience. I had one boyfriend that walked in on me once and I screamed at him to get the fuck out so loud, we we're both traumatized for a while after that. I start to panic if there's no lock on the bathroom door.

I don't understand people who want to share their bathroom habits with one another. I work with a woman who says they never shut the bathroom door for any reason, even when shes having her period...I told her I was horrified at the thought of it. I wasn't the only person that told her that.

[Duchess]

I had one boyfriend that walked in on me once and I screamed at him to get the fuck out so loud, we we're both traumatized for a while after that.

Been there!

I know a couple of females who fart in front of their men and when I ask what the fuck is wrong with you they laugh at me. They think my dismay is humorous. We've talked about this before, I would just fuckin' die a thousand deaths to ever do that in front of a man. My God.

[sally]

My bladder is so small and weak that when I have to pee I have pee, there's no holding it. I will knock a person over running to the bathroom and not care who sees. I've also pulled my car over before and peed behind trees. This last kid just destroyed me, if my bladder is this weak at 38 I'm going to be wearing depends by the time I'm 50.

No problems with the old bowels, however. As far as my husband knows I don't even do that.

[FAHQTOO]

I had one boyfriend that walked in on me once and I screamed at him to get the fuck out so loud, we we're both traumatized for a while after that.

Been there!

I know a couple of females who fart in front of their men and when I ask what the fuck is wrong with you they laugh at me. They think my dismay is humorous. We've talked about this before, I would just fuckin' die a thousand deaths to ever do that in front of a man. My God.

That too...

[FAHQTOO]

My bladder is so small and weak that when I have to pee I have pee, there's no holding it. I will knock a person over running to the bathroom and not care who sees. I've also pulled my car over before and peed behind trees. This last kid just destroyed me, if my bladder is this weak at 38 I'm going to be wearing depends by the time I'm 50.

No problems with the old bowels, however. As far as my husband knows I don't even do that.

It's common knowledge that women don't poop or fart...except for the chick I work with.

[sally]

And Ramsey.

[ramseycat]

Yes I poop and I fart. I'm a human being. I don't do so with an audience. You guys are childish about what is a normal bodily function.

[HairOfTheDog]

The 30-second edited version of this commercial has been ahead of several youtube videos I've watched over the last couple of months.



I'm not a sharer or open about bathroom stuff either and the first couple of times it popped up, it actually shocked me. I'm over it now, but wouldn't star in such an ad for all the money in the world (okay, I'd probably do it for 5 million dollars or more and then just cut and dye my hair or something).

[Duchess]

Hahaha! Some of the expressions she used had me cringing!

It's a real product & here are some reviews.

I feel like every woman should have this amazing product in their life. No more fear of stinking up the office when you have to go after that large cup of coffee. If a guy is reading this, please disregard, you all know that women do not poop.

At 0807 hrs, it was observed that the sewer sub “Brown Oktober” was launched from dry dock for her maiden voyage. Upon hitting the placid water, she disappeared below the surface and “odorbouys” were unable to detect her passing as the surface of the water appeared to be treated with a heretofore unknown substance that masked any trace of the vessel’s passing.

[aussiefriend]

Although I have drunkenly peed behind a car and had someone there to be a lookout for cars coming from the opposite direction.

I love drunk tales. I threw up in the gutter outside my hosts place after a big night there once and yelled out "thanks very much for having us". To be fair, it was a looong time ago.

[ramseycat]

Although I have drunkenly peed behind a car and had someone there to be a lookout for cars coming from the opposite direction.

I love drunk tales. I threw up in the gutter outside my hosts place after a big night there once and yelled out "thanks very much for having us". To be fair, it was a looong time ago.

Last week was not a long time ago.

[kevvome]

I've always been a bit particular in my choice of chicks, but one night I was so drunk that I ended up with this huge thing in a skirt and I went back to her place and needless to say I screwed her.
The next morning I hurriedly got dressed and I said to her ''Here, if you want to see me again call this number.''
'' That's really sweet. Guys don't usually give me their number'' she said.
'' That's not my number. It's weight watchers'' I said.

[kevvome]

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.

Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.
You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the modern 'seat covers' (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR! ), yank down your pants, and assume ' The Stance.'

In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold 'The Stance.'

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, 'Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!' Your thighs shake more.

You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, t hat now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail

Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. 'Occupied!' you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT . It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, 'You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get.'

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.

At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.

You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.

You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, 'Here, you just might need this.'

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, 'What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?'

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest??? You've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door!

This HAD to be written by a woman! No one else could describe it so accurately!

[HairOfTheDog]

I've always been a bit particular in my choice of chicks, but one night I was so drunk that I ended up with this huge thing in a skirt and I went back to her place and needless to say I screwed her.
The next morning I hurriedly got dressed and I said to her ''Here, if you want to see me again call this number.''
'' That's really sweet. Guys don't usually give me their number'' she said.
'' That's not my number. It's weight watchers'' I said.

The poor girl must have been devastated, playah.

Not her fault, though. I mean how could the generous bigger girl (or any other woman, really) compete with your 80-year-old, psychic, completely unattainable ideal woman?

You're a real heart-breaker there, kevvome.

[kevvome]

I've always been a bit particular in my choice of chicks, but one night I was so drunk that I ended up with this huge thing in a skirt and I went back to her place and needless to say I screwed her.
The next morning I hurriedly got dressed and I said to her ''Here, if you want to see me again call this number.''
'' That's really sweet. Guys don't usually give me their number'' she said.
'' That's not my number. It's weight watchers'' I said.

The poor girl must have been devastated, playah.

Not her fault, though. I mean how could the generous bigger girl (or any other woman, really) compete with your 80-year-old, psychic, completely unattainable ideal woman?

You're a real heart-breaker there, kevvome.

I know, I know HOTD. But completely unattainable? Well i found an 80 year old 'psychic' woman once before, so why not again? If this site isn't the right place to find another one, well I'll move on to pastures new. Gonna stick around for a while though, there just could be an 80 years old psychic woman reading this.

[HairOfTheDog]

That sounds like a good plan, kevvome.

I could see renown psychic Sylvia Browne being just your type.



And, I could see her "sensing" the longing in your post content and rushing on over to Mock to put dibs on you.

Alas, she died late last year, though. So, since you're allegedly not into dead women yet, I guess she's the one that got away. Ah well, she was a mere 77 anyways; mighta been a bit on the young side for you.

Anyhow, happy hunting, Romeo.

[Duchess]

Sylvia has nigga nails. Yuk.

[FAHQTOO]

Sylvia has nigga nails. Yuk.

She's a walking bag of E-coli. Disgusting.

[kevvome]

That sounds like a good plan, kevvome.

I could see renown psychic Sylvia Browne being just your type.



And, I could see her "sensing" the longing in your post content and rushing on over to Mock to put dibs on you.

Alas, she died late last year, though. So, since you're allegedly not into dead women yet, I guess she's the one that got away. Ah well, she was a mere 77 anyways; mighta been a bit on the young side for you.

Anyhow, happy hunting, Romeo.

Thanks Juliet. I well remember Sylvia. I met her for the first time and she started to look into a crystal ball to see if we had a future together. Suddenly she went pale and rushed from the room. I grabbed the crystal ball and chased her and beat her to death with it.
I wonder what she saw in that thing?