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Me and the weird guy - a true story.
#1
Back in the early 90's when I was in college I used to work part time in a local newsagent/supermarket to help with my beer money at the student union bar! One day, it would have been summer of 92/93its a hotday, then its starts to piss down with rain, we get a few customer running from their cars with their coats over their heads heads like retards to buy newspapers, cigarettes etc.

Then this weird little bloke walks in, he's wearing a black suit that is absolutely immaculate and strangely also bone dry, he is extremely skinny, like auschwitz skinny, he's wearing black very shiny shoes, a black baseball cap and these black sunglasses that almost look like pilots goggles his skin looks badly jaundiced. He stands in the entrance, blocking it asother people push past him to get out of/into the store, then he starts to slowly walk around the store very slowly. I'm thinking shoplifter/sex offender and I discretely follow him around the store.As I follow him around I realise he stinks of a mixture of B.O and a disinfectent hospital smell.

He picks up things from the shelves and examines them like he has never seen any of them before, a newspaper, a can of soda, a microwave hotdog and a can of beans. He brings the can of beans right up to his face and examines it closely, he then starts to chuckle to himself, he looks around and sees the small queue of peopleat the checkout.

He looks along the line and then stands at the back of it, almost in an army like "at attention" stance, he jerkily shuffles forward as line gets shorter, then he gets to the checkout with his tin of beans. "Shall I put that in a bag for you mate?" saysJerry the assistant manager, the guy stares at him for about 10 seconds then slowly nods his head. Jerry takes the can from him and sticks it in a bag,"that will be 45 pence please" says Jerry. The guy just stands there like a retard, he then suddenly puts his hand in his pocketand pullsout a pristine looking twenty pound note and slowly hands it over. As he does this he suddenly looks directly at me and points in my direction, his hands are almost skeletal and they are sickly yellow in colour.

A feeling of despair and absolute panic suddenly comes over me, my palms sweat and I get prickly heat on the back of my neck, I just get this sudden feeling of "wrongness" about the whole situation. He grabs his change aggressively from Jerry, bows his head then slowly walks out of the door. I walk over to Jerry and say "what a fucking horrible little man", Jerry says "his fucking eyes were weird, I could see them behind thosegoggle things he was wearing, they were fucking red".

I will never forget my little encounter with the "weird guy."
We need to punish the French, ignore the Germans and forgive the Russians - Condoleezza Rice.
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#2
Too bad you didn't get Michael Jackson's autograph.
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#3
His bean farts were alien.
Fug duh kund
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#4
Maybe he came from that orange UFO you saw when you were 10.
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#5
If you behave I'll tell you about thepuma I saw in England, and the Ashington werewolf, and the crazy man who lived in a long abandoned mine shaft, or the fucking pale skinned freakmy mate mark nearly hit inwith his car in the small hours.
We need to punish the French, ignore the Germans and forgive the Russians - Condoleezza Rice.
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#6
I want a can of beans please sir just one . please .
He ain't heavy, he's my brother.
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