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**aussiefriend** · 01-01-2023, 08:19 AM

Gosh Duch. Do you think about specifically the subject of death? Your own mortality? Or other people or animals that have already passed?

Do you have pain the way Sally and myself were talking about our mothers, about someone? I hope my questions are not too personal or prying.

**Duchess** · 01-01-2023, 10:05 AM

(01-01-2023, 08:19 AM)aussiefriend Wrote: Your own mortality? Or other people or animals that have already passed?

Do you have pain the way Sally and myself were talking about our mothers, about someone?

All of the above.

**aussiefriend** · 01-01-2023, 10:46 AM

(01-01-2023, 10:05 AM)Duchess Wrote:
(01-01-2023, 08:19 AM)aussiefriend Wrote: Your own mortality? Or other people or animals that have already passed?

Do you have pain the way Sally and myself were talking about our mothers, about someone?

All of the above.

Heavy. I used to sometimes in my mind travel back in time to the 60s and warn John Lennon to wear a bullet proof vest on the day he was killed.

My fathers passing is more than that, it was so acutely painful, it becomes part of your being.

**sally** · 01-01-2023, 11:41 AM

(01-01-2023, 03:16 AM)rothschild Wrote:
(01-01-2023, 01:09 AM)sally Wrote: This was at my bitch aunt's house, not the hospital. My mom went to her sister's house to die because she didn't want my kids to see her that way at my house. Then my aunt tells these hospice assholes to stay there constantly. Not once did I get to talk to my mom in private. Not even when she was dead would they give me a moment alone, I'm sitting there holding her hand and crying and the bitch nurse comes over and closes her eyes. I wanted to scream to get the fuck away from me for two seconds already, I'm perfectly capable of closing my mothers eyes myself, but I held it back.

Do they train them to be that way? That's shocking to hear.

I have no idea. My aunt gave them my phone number to just talk about their services and they solicited my phone off the hook for two weeks until I asked my mom is this really what you want to do and called them back. That should have been my first clue not to sign up with them. They're called VITAS Healthcare and they have bad reviews so it's not just me. I've never loathed anyone more in my life than that group of people. Even the chaplain was an asshole, she recommended that I not bring my two year old daughter to see my mom because she's too young even though my mom asked to see her. It was so hard for me to keep my mouth shut during that whole ordeal, but I didn't want to put extra stress on my mom or go to jail for knocking a chaplain out.

**BigMark** · 01-01-2023, 12:35 PM

And knocked his old ass out, the kids in the hood are hard.

**aussiefriend** · 01-01-2023, 02:44 PM

I knew someone who used to be a chaplain and he also worked at my childs school back in the day. He threatened me and was kind of obsessed at slandering me. Just because they are a chaplain doesn't mean anything.

**MirahM** · 01-01-2023, 03:58 PM

(01-01-2023, 10:05 AM)Duchess Wrote:
(01-01-2023, 08:19 AM)aussiefriend Wrote: Your own mortality? Or other people or animals that have already passed?

Do you have pain the way Sally and myself were talking about our mothers, about someone?

All of the above.

: (

**MirahM** · 01-01-2023, 03:59 PM

(01-01-2023, 02:44 PM)aussiefriend Wrote: I knew someone who used to be a chaplain and he also worked at my childs school back in the day. He threatened me and was kind of obsessed at slandering me. Just because they are a chaplain doesn't mean anything.

I almost joined the air force reserve and would have been a chaplain's assistant.

Crazy!

But I wouldnt' have been an asshole like the one you or Sally described. That is awful.

**rothschild** · 01-01-2023, 05:05 PM

(01-01-2023, 11:41 AM)sally Wrote:
(01-01-2023, 03:16 AM)rothschild Wrote:
(01-01-2023, 01:09 AM)sally Wrote: This was at my bitch aunt's house, not the hospital. My mom went to her sister's house to die because she didn't want my kids to see her that way at my house. Then my aunt tells these hospice assholes to stay there constantly. Not once did I get to talk to my mom in private. Not even when she was dead would they give me a moment alone, I'm sitting there holding her hand and crying and the bitch nurse comes over and closes her eyes. I wanted to scream to get the fuck away from me for two seconds already, I'm perfectly capable of closing my mothers eyes myself, but I held it back.

Do they train them to be that way? That's shocking to hear.

I have no idea. My aunt gave them my phone number to just talk about their services and they solicited my phone off the hook for two weeks until I asked my mom is this really what you want to do and called them back. That should have been my first clue not to sign up with them. They're called VITAS Healthcare and they have bad reviews so it's not just me. I've never loathed anyone more in my life than that group of people. Even the chaplain was an asshole, she recommended that I not bring my two year old daughter to see my mom because she's too young even though my mom asked to see her. It was so hard for me to keep my mouth shut during that whole ordeal, but I didn't want to put extra stress on my mom or go to jail for knocking a chaplain out.

Sorry you had to go through that.

**GirlBoss** · 01-01-2023, 07:12 PM

Sally, that’s horrible.
Definitely shouldn’t be how hospice care is handled.
Hate that you had to go through that.

My experience with hospice was so different- so respectful and helpful in an incredibly difficult and painful time.

**sally** · 01-01-2023, 07:46 PM

I never dealt with hospice before that, but my perception of them was that they were caring people that helped with end of life patients. Not this one. They called me up at 2 in the morning and said I need to get over there because my mom has the death rattle. I didnt know at the time but a death rattle is a gurgling noise you make before dying. So I rush over there and sleep on the floor next to her because the nurse never offered to put his book down and move from the adjacent couch across from her to the chair. I could have asked him if he would mind moving to the chair so I could lay down and I should have, but I didn't. I just layed on the ground
holding her hand.

**aussiefriend** · 01-02-2023, 05:30 AM

(01-01-2023, 03:59 PM)MirahM Wrote:
(01-01-2023, 02:44 PM)aussiefriend Wrote: I knew someone who used to be a chaplain and he also worked at my childs school back in the day. He threatened me and was kind of obsessed at slandering me. Just because they are a chaplain doesn't mean anything.

I almost joined the air force reserve and would have been a chaplain's assistant.

Crazy!

But I wouldnt' have been an asshole like the one you or Sally described. That is awful.

No Mirah, you would have been good at it. This guy was a raging hypocrite, and part of our journey I think spiritually is that we come across so many fakes and charlatans. This guy was one of those, but also dangerous.

(01-01-2023, 07:46 PM)sally Wrote: I never dealt with hospice before that, but my perception of them was that they were caring people that helped with end of life patients. Not this one. They called me up at 2 in the morning and said I need to get over there because my mom has the death rattle. I didnt know at the time but a death rattle is a gurgling noise you make before dying. So I rush over there and sleep on the floor next to her because the nurse never offered to put his book down and move from the adjacent couch across from her to the chair. I could have asked him if he would mind moving to the chair so I could lay down and I should have, but I didn't. I just layed on the ground
holding her hand.

Sally, end of life care/palliative care is such a sacred specialised type of care when it is done properly. When it is done improperly from poor experience, qualifications or ethics, standard of care then the results can be diabolical. I lay next to mum's bed too the night she was passing. Mum was on morphine and had palliative end of life care, but before that, she was always with me. I am not experienced or qualified to give that standard of care and really needed help and support in that area, and wanted to be my mother's daughter, not just her carer.

When she was passing into the next life, you were there in that time, my mum had that death rattle too. It's hard even talking about this subject. I really hope that this bad part will fade in time for you. I think it must be hard for you sometimes with your children, because there would be stuff with your kids as they get older and it's inevitable that you think "I wish my mother was alive so I could share this moment with her". I know I think that sometimes.