12-02-2010, 03:00 PM
hayes' statement to the court today:
I stand before the court, a convicted murderer, condemned to death, a place I never imagined I would be, but rightly deserve. Words can never express what I feel for what I have done. Apologizing will not bring this family back, but I am deeply sorry for what I have done, and the pain I have caused. People will say I am sorry because I got caught, this is not true, I am sorry for my actions and the pain and suffering they have caused.
My actions have hurt so many people, affected so many lives, and caused so much pain, for those involved either directly or indirectly. My actions of that night were my own, I take full responsibility for what I have done, I will not offend anyone by minimizing my actions.
I stand before the court as Steven Hayes, convicted murderer; this is not the real Steven Hayes. I was a drug addict, a petty thief, and a person who could not find his way in life. Never would I have imagined committing crimes like these.
Although I am a son, a brother, and a father, I was never good at any of them. I was never there for anyone, I was only there for drugs, and even though I was not high when I committed these crimes, drugs were the driving force. Any money I would have taken would have gone for drugs.
No matter what the motivation was for this crime, I had no right to be there. I destroyed innocent lives and took away a family - a family of very very good people.
I know what I did, I live with it, I make no excuses, but this was not the real me. This was an angry monster I have never known, a monster so full of rage, it was impossible to control.
Again, I make no excuses for my actions. Many in my life have tried to help me with my problems, but I was too busy worrying about where I was going to get money for drugs to accept any help. I was an out of control train destined to crash. The crash I wanted was my own death, not the death of others. On too many occasions to count, I have attempted to kill myself; car crashes, drug overdoses, and other attempts always failed. I really wish they had worked before July 23, 2007.
Since I was arrested I have tried, through my lawyers, to accept responsibility for my actions. I did not want anyone to go through the additional pain and suffering this trial has produced.
I am tormented and have nightmares about what happened in that house. I often times looked at Dr. Petit and became sick to my stomach knowing what he has been through and what he continues to go through to this day. There is not a moment that goes by that this does not weigh on my mind, especially since he suffers due to my actions. My suffering is meaningless compared to that of Dr. Petit. Death for me will be a welcome relief, and I hope it will bring some peace and comfort to those who I have hurt so much.
I stand before the court, a convicted murderer, condemned to death, a place I never imagined I would be, but rightly deserve. Words can never express what I feel for what I have done. Apologizing will not bring this family back, but I am deeply sorry for what I have done, and the pain I have caused. People will say I am sorry because I got caught, this is not true, I am sorry for my actions and the pain and suffering they have caused.
My actions have hurt so many people, affected so many lives, and caused so much pain, for those involved either directly or indirectly. My actions of that night were my own, I take full responsibility for what I have done, I will not offend anyone by minimizing my actions.
I stand before the court as Steven Hayes, convicted murderer; this is not the real Steven Hayes. I was a drug addict, a petty thief, and a person who could not find his way in life. Never would I have imagined committing crimes like these.
Although I am a son, a brother, and a father, I was never good at any of them. I was never there for anyone, I was only there for drugs, and even though I was not high when I committed these crimes, drugs were the driving force. Any money I would have taken would have gone for drugs.
No matter what the motivation was for this crime, I had no right to be there. I destroyed innocent lives and took away a family - a family of very very good people.
I know what I did, I live with it, I make no excuses, but this was not the real me. This was an angry monster I have never known, a monster so full of rage, it was impossible to control.
Again, I make no excuses for my actions. Many in my life have tried to help me with my problems, but I was too busy worrying about where I was going to get money for drugs to accept any help. I was an out of control train destined to crash. The crash I wanted was my own death, not the death of others. On too many occasions to count, I have attempted to kill myself; car crashes, drug overdoses, and other attempts always failed. I really wish they had worked before July 23, 2007.
Since I was arrested I have tried, through my lawyers, to accept responsibility for my actions. I did not want anyone to go through the additional pain and suffering this trial has produced.
I am tormented and have nightmares about what happened in that house. I often times looked at Dr. Petit and became sick to my stomach knowing what he has been through and what he continues to go through to this day. There is not a moment that goes by that this does not weigh on my mind, especially since he suffers due to my actions. My suffering is meaningless compared to that of Dr. Petit. Death for me will be a welcome relief, and I hope it will bring some peace and comfort to those who I have hurt so much.