fears, phobias and freaking spiders!

[Lady Cop]

if it bites you guys, you die with a hard-on.

GAWKER
A five-inch Brazilian Wandering Spider—the most venomous spider in the world, which "can also cause priapism in humans"—stowed away in a box of bananas and leaped out in a German grocery store, running through the aisles and causing pandemonium on Friday.

After shutting down the store down for three days, a team of 30 wildlife experts failed to find the spider. They did, however, spray so many pesticides on the premises that they're pretty sure it's dead by now, unless it left the supermarket and is roaming the German countryside as we speak. No injuries have been reported.

Brazilian Wandering Spiders have previously stowed away in bananas destined for Tulsa and Chatham. The "aggressive" spider's venom can cause excruciating pain, paralysis, asphyxiation, and painful erections that last many hours and can lead to impotence in humans.

So if you find a corpse with a giant boner and two tiny fang marks in southwestern Germany, know that it is the zombie spider of Bexbach, and it is coming for you next.