RANTINGS OF A LUNATIC

[Sphincter Cop]

So, I was soaking in my bubble bath tonight. Sipping on a bloody mary when I was bedazzled with an amazing idea. I know what this ladies problem is. She doesn't have a hobby, but out of the gayness of my heart. I shall provide her with the best activities that any sociopath would enjoy. I believe the mentally ill err challenged find these fun, so why can't she?

1. Adopt a pet ~ How about a parrot?
2. Brew beer/wine and engage in other food projects. ~ OMG, Cuban Moonshine!
3. Learn to Knit ~ A new pair of pajama pants? How cool!
4. Try kayaking ~ Just like riding a barrel from Cuba to Florida.
5. Teach yourself guitar ~ OMG, you could be the Tracy Chapman Of Ohio!
6. Take up golf ~ If that doesn’t work, use the clubs like Tiger Woods Ex Did On The Old Man!
7. Try gardening ~ Remember, “Weed” is illegal.
8. Coach a little league team ~ OMG, I can see it now! The Voodoo Bears!
9. Buy a telescope ~ That way you can watch, whoever is watching your facebook pages!
10. Volunteer for a charity ~ Remember, its not for you though!
11. Start a blog to vent your frustrations ~ Facebook doesn’t count.
12. Try beading~ Not the anal kind, it hurts!
13. Do Pilates ~ Girlfriend needs a workout and hair too!
14. Try joining a public speaking group~ never mind, she sucks at this.
15. Learn to DJ ~ OMG, DJ VOODOO!
16. Join a card playing group ~ Not dice in an alley
17. Buy an aquarium ~ But buy pretty & fancy fish! None of that piranha shit!
18. Get a metal detector and see what you can dig up ~ Or Check family/friends at the door!
19. Renovate or re-decorate a room in your house/apartment ~ Girl, you need a renovation! No doubt! Paint is first thing on that list!

Anyone else, feel free to add to the list! We should be here to help!