03-12-2012, 12:14 PM
Terri-lynne McClintic testifies tomorrow in her ex boyfriends murder trial, I believe this was one of the only things released from Terri's hearing in 2010, her statement after she pleaded guilty....
WOODSTOCK, ONT. -- Here is the statement of Terri-Lynne McClintic, as released by the court:
"Someone told me about four years ago that even though I was dealt pretty low cards in the game of life, I couldn't keep a poker face the whole time, but by acting unbreakable and burying all my emotions, I was just hurting myself more because eventually I'd break and all those things I buried would come rushing at me at once and I wouldn't know what to do. I told that person they didn't know what they were talking about. I never thought my method of survival, my method of protection, would wind up hurting me more than the life, the hardships life threw at me.
Over the last year, I've realized how accurate that statement is, but this isn't about me or anyone here else for that matter. This is about one thing, justice for an amazing little girl. This is about justice for Tori.
On April 8, I don't know what I thought was going to happen. I am honoured to have been able to spend even a brief amount of time with such an amazing person, and it pains me to think about how many people won't get to see what a beautiful and brilliant woman I just know she would have grown up to be.
Every night before I go to sleep, I tell myself that when I wake up in the morning this will all have been just a very, very bad dream, but when I open my eyes, I look around me and see that this is reality.
I can tell you that rather than acting, I over-evaluated the situation, and rather than think about any of it, I resorted to more drugs. I chose to tell myself until I believed it that everything would be okay.
I didn't wake up on that morning thinking I was going to take a child.
Not in a million years would I have pictured myself standing here, but here I am and I know that I need to stand up and take responsibility for my actions.
Every day I think that maybe if I hadn't walked down the street that day, that precious little angel would still be here. Every day I ask myself why, why did I tell myself that everything would be OK? Just why?
I can't explain my thought process on that day. I can't do anything except be honest. I will never try to make excuses for my judgment calls or my actions.
Yes, I was under the influence of drugs and, yes, there are things that I've experienced in the past that may have affected my reactions to the situation I was in, but regardless of those reasons, it doesn't make what happened acceptable.
Every time I close my eyes I'm flooded with the memories of that day. I will never forget what happened, the mistakes I made, the failure I was. A million tears will never be enough and a million words would never be able to express how truly sorry I am. I allowed my own issues, my own past to affect the future of an innocent girl.
I'll never be able to take back what's happened, but I've been trying to do everything I can to make things as right as they can be, which is why I stand here today. I would give anything to be able to trade that amazing little girl places, but I can't, and man that hurts.
Tori will never leave my heart. She'll hold my heart in her hands until the day I die. She has made me realize that I need to deal with my issues, that I can't continue on the road I've been walking. I owe my life to that precious little angel and all the people who've been hurt because of this.
I have one goal out of all of this, and that is to help other women like myself avoid winding up in positions such as this.
I will do everything I can to keep other children safe, and these are things I can do regardless of where I am. I also would like to help others avoid making the same mistakes I have; to learn what is meant to be learnt from our mistakes; teach others what I was failed to be taught; and most importantly, I want to help others in a way people failed to help me, and be supportive to others in need as only few people have been supportive of me. Those are the people I hold dear to my heart, and I want to be one of those people.
Enough people have been hurt as a result of this and I refuse to drag anyone through the proceedings of a trial. Spending the next few decades of life in prison is nothing compared to what Tori was robbed of.
I know that my apology doesn't mean much compared to what was lost, and I'm not asking for forgiveness as I stand here, but I am trying to make amends the best way I can by giving you my life today."
![[Image: 3951423.bin?size=620x400]](http://www.canada.com/3951423.bin?size=620x400)
WOODSTOCK, ONT. -- Here is the statement of Terri-Lynne McClintic, as released by the court:
"Someone told me about four years ago that even though I was dealt pretty low cards in the game of life, I couldn't keep a poker face the whole time, but by acting unbreakable and burying all my emotions, I was just hurting myself more because eventually I'd break and all those things I buried would come rushing at me at once and I wouldn't know what to do. I told that person they didn't know what they were talking about. I never thought my method of survival, my method of protection, would wind up hurting me more than the life, the hardships life threw at me.
Over the last year, I've realized how accurate that statement is, but this isn't about me or anyone here else for that matter. This is about one thing, justice for an amazing little girl. This is about justice for Tori.
On April 8, I don't know what I thought was going to happen. I am honoured to have been able to spend even a brief amount of time with such an amazing person, and it pains me to think about how many people won't get to see what a beautiful and brilliant woman I just know she would have grown up to be.
Every night before I go to sleep, I tell myself that when I wake up in the morning this will all have been just a very, very bad dream, but when I open my eyes, I look around me and see that this is reality.
I can tell you that rather than acting, I over-evaluated the situation, and rather than think about any of it, I resorted to more drugs. I chose to tell myself until I believed it that everything would be okay.
I didn't wake up on that morning thinking I was going to take a child.
Not in a million years would I have pictured myself standing here, but here I am and I know that I need to stand up and take responsibility for my actions.
Every day I think that maybe if I hadn't walked down the street that day, that precious little angel would still be here. Every day I ask myself why, why did I tell myself that everything would be OK? Just why?
I can't explain my thought process on that day. I can't do anything except be honest. I will never try to make excuses for my judgment calls or my actions.
Yes, I was under the influence of drugs and, yes, there are things that I've experienced in the past that may have affected my reactions to the situation I was in, but regardless of those reasons, it doesn't make what happened acceptable.
Every time I close my eyes I'm flooded with the memories of that day. I will never forget what happened, the mistakes I made, the failure I was. A million tears will never be enough and a million words would never be able to express how truly sorry I am. I allowed my own issues, my own past to affect the future of an innocent girl.
I'll never be able to take back what's happened, but I've been trying to do everything I can to make things as right as they can be, which is why I stand here today. I would give anything to be able to trade that amazing little girl places, but I can't, and man that hurts.
Tori will never leave my heart. She'll hold my heart in her hands until the day I die. She has made me realize that I need to deal with my issues, that I can't continue on the road I've been walking. I owe my life to that precious little angel and all the people who've been hurt because of this.
I have one goal out of all of this, and that is to help other women like myself avoid winding up in positions such as this.
I will do everything I can to keep other children safe, and these are things I can do regardless of where I am. I also would like to help others avoid making the same mistakes I have; to learn what is meant to be learnt from our mistakes; teach others what I was failed to be taught; and most importantly, I want to help others in a way people failed to help me, and be supportive to others in need as only few people have been supportive of me. Those are the people I hold dear to my heart, and I want to be one of those people.
Enough people have been hurt as a result of this and I refuse to drag anyone through the proceedings of a trial. Spending the next few decades of life in prison is nothing compared to what Tori was robbed of.
I know that my apology doesn't mean much compared to what was lost, and I'm not asking for forgiveness as I stand here, but I am trying to make amends the best way I can by giving you my life today."
The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.