HUNTING

[cladking]

I'm a natural born hunter.

The trick is to be smarter than your prey so some things are well beyond my capability. Rabbits are way out and I look like Elmer Fudd hunting wabbits. Of course other things like deer and squirrel don't consider me a threat so I can walk right up to them. (Mebbe that's moose and squirrel) Well, in any case, I'm great with life forms that are definitively beneath me. I pick mosquitos out of the air if they get within 5" of my ear. Even the smartest cockroaches are in extreme danger with me around. Only one ever took two attempts. I was living in a dump in an area infected with the damn things and one late night I came home from work. My MO was to turn on the light, spot the roaches, and dance my way in. One night I almost met my equal. The sucker dropped from the cieling even before the light was fully on and took off in a zig zag to the stove. Within a second I was flying through the air poised to squish him permanently but he zigged and made it to the stove. The next night I had a hunch he'd be in the same place so I flipped on the light as I was flying through the air and got him pretty good. I won, so I was smarter.

The worst one was a damn rabbit. My father gave me permission to murder any varment with big ears that gnawed on his plants. With my trusty 4/ 10 I sallied forth to encounter an unusally large and intelligent beast with floppy damn ears. Little did I know at the time that I had met my match. It didn't seem sporting to murder a rabbit in mid-much so I bade it to show some tail. ...and missed him from 30'. I tracked the rascal to the back yard and thisa time shot while he was sitting and again missed. He seemed a little reluctant to even run by this point since he might have been tiring out but he hopped up and moved another 100' away at which point I missed yet again. This time he figured running was overexertion and might give me some kind of satisfaction so as not encourage me he began walking toward the property line. I'd had never seen a rabbit walk before. I've seen them run and hop but never saunter. By this time I figured this sucker had it. I got up as close as I felt comfortable... ...and missed again. I swear he turned around, looked me square in the eye with his right eye (yeah, yeah, it was on my left) and made a sort of hissing sound that was like a laugh.

I changed my mind and went back home. He learned his lesson though since he never came back.

I'd like to believe the ammunition was bad and his odd behavior could have been the result of having a pellet in him. Yeah, that's the ticket... ...I got the sucker.

I should stickto amphibians, birds, and reptiles. I'm smarter than all of them. Probably.