Dear Maggot MD

[HairOfTheDog]

Dear Maggot,

You posted in a previous thread that you were the Mock psychiatrist. I hope you can help me with this very serious dilemna, and maybe you can also assist other Mockers who might need some advice in times of crisis.

I bought a bottle of Seagrams Diet Tonic Water about three months ago. I cannot open it. I have tried beating the cap rim with a knife over and over; no go. I have banged it against the edge of my counter multiple times and twisted and shouted; still not budging. I have bruised my thighs squeezing it between them with a rubber band around the top and twisting madly for minutes; nope.

Should I just throw the bastard away, or do you have another suggestion? Have I brought this upon myself?

Thank you for your professional mock insight.
HairOfTheDog

Great post. I just so enjoyed it.

As long as Maggot doesn't recommend a solution that ties into his previous gynelogical practice, I feel confident that he can help me, Ma.