02-13-2014, 07:09 AM
Because I hadn't had enough of the bullshit. And at the time, I too considered myself a "functioning alcoholic". Sure, I had never gotten a DUI, or worse..hurt/killed someone else (I dunno howdafuck I got so lucky, I drove over the legal limit more than I drove sober). Had kept the same job for 25+ years at the time, was married, owned my house/car, etc, etc.
Nevermind the fact that I was always leaving work early to start drinking. Nevermind the fact that while I had a 10 minute drive home from work, and a case of beer in the fridge...I still had to stop at the gas station next to work for a tall boy to chug on the way home. Nevermind the fact that I was somewhat worthless for the first hour or two in the am at my job due to the shakes. Nevermind the fact that I was pretty much a recluse in my own home. Nevermind the fact that breakfast was 2 cups of coffee, and beer starting at 5:00am. Nevermind the fact that on the golf course at 6:30am I had already drunk 3-4 beers at home before I got there, and was the only one drinking on the course. Nevermind the fact that when I look back, I really was a complete dick...not only to my coworkers at times, but also to my family. My Boss told me shortly after I had quit, that I was extremely close to being terminated.
These are all things (and many others) that I didnt see at the time, that I do see now. Ya see..to me...it wasnt a problem..and that's why I suppose I didnt quit. The one thing I had always been proud of was my work. My longevity, my attendance, and my position. And when I had called into work for almost a week straight after I went on that bender...well..I reached out for help..as taking the first step, and getting my ass into treatment, was something I couldnt do on my own. The quitting thing I thought I could do on my own, as I have done it before with multiple other drug addictions I had. When the VP of my company told me I could not come into work anymore until I got the help I needed that was my fucking wake up call. I would have lost my job, and with that, would have been a loss of everything.
I guess that would have been my "rock bottom", and I quite frankly didnt want to go there. I just needed the help in taking the first step. I and knew I needed help for the first 2 weeks...withdrawals suck, and I thought my best chance of success would be to go to treatment, to where I wouldnt be alone, and the option of saying fuck this, I'm going to the liquor store, wasnt there. I always knew I was/am an addict...the thing is, in my drunken haze...I failed to realize that my problem was causing me problems. And when I realized that, and I was about to lose everything, that's when I woke the fuck up.
I do believe everyone has the power within them to stop, what some are lacking is the ability to recognize the problem and how it's affecting their life, the desire, and the knowledge on how to use that power.
Nevermind the fact that I was always leaving work early to start drinking. Nevermind the fact that while I had a 10 minute drive home from work, and a case of beer in the fridge...I still had to stop at the gas station next to work for a tall boy to chug on the way home. Nevermind the fact that I was somewhat worthless for the first hour or two in the am at my job due to the shakes. Nevermind the fact that I was pretty much a recluse in my own home. Nevermind the fact that breakfast was 2 cups of coffee, and beer starting at 5:00am. Nevermind the fact that on the golf course at 6:30am I had already drunk 3-4 beers at home before I got there, and was the only one drinking on the course. Nevermind the fact that when I look back, I really was a complete dick...not only to my coworkers at times, but also to my family. My Boss told me shortly after I had quit, that I was extremely close to being terminated.
These are all things (and many others) that I didnt see at the time, that I do see now. Ya see..to me...it wasnt a problem..and that's why I suppose I didnt quit. The one thing I had always been proud of was my work. My longevity, my attendance, and my position. And when I had called into work for almost a week straight after I went on that bender...well..I reached out for help..as taking the first step, and getting my ass into treatment, was something I couldnt do on my own. The quitting thing I thought I could do on my own, as I have done it before with multiple other drug addictions I had. When the VP of my company told me I could not come into work anymore until I got the help I needed that was my fucking wake up call. I would have lost my job, and with that, would have been a loss of everything.
I guess that would have been my "rock bottom", and I quite frankly didnt want to go there. I just needed the help in taking the first step. I and knew I needed help for the first 2 weeks...withdrawals suck, and I thought my best chance of success would be to go to treatment, to where I wouldnt be alone, and the option of saying fuck this, I'm going to the liquor store, wasnt there. I always knew I was/am an addict...the thing is, in my drunken haze...I failed to realize that my problem was causing me problems. And when I realized that, and I was about to lose everything, that's when I woke the fuck up.
I do believe everyone has the power within them to stop, what some are lacking is the ability to recognize the problem and how it's affecting their life, the desire, and the knowledge on how to use that power.
Of the millions of sperm injected into your mother's pussy, you were the quickest?
You are no longer in the womb, friend. The competition is tougher out here.
You are no longer in the womb, friend. The competition is tougher out here.