hypothetical: calling all evil vagina monsters

[Donovan]

LOL if only I had some sort of jedi mind tricks to get me out of this.

You need a stable home life. Find a decent apartment, preferably in an old Victorian, they have tons of charm and maybe a fireplace and lots of built-ins for all your books. Buy a crockpot so dinner is cooking while you're at work and it smells divine when you come in after a long day. Get some nice bedding *wiggles eyebrows* and use vanilla plugins throughout your new home. Smells are a mindfuck, don't forget that, it can be good or it can be bad, you want good.

What exactly do you look for in a woman? Are your expectations too high and no woman, no where, will ever meet them?

That's where I'm headed. There's a place right on the Erie Canal, across from a pioneer cemetery and in a landmark revolutionary period building. Old buildings just feel more solid to me. Gonna put up my books and invest in some comfort for a change. I'm afraid I'm gonna wind up living in a hovel under a damn tree like pop.

As for expectations, damned if I know. I've tried every kind of woman, and clearly I have not successfully picked one yet. Hell I even thought about trying men, but sausage gives me heartburn. I'm not particularly visual or physical in my criteria, and I seem to favor mentally stimulating and challenging women. Strong minded is a must, I'm a stubborn bastard although I know it doesn't show up in my writing . I truly fear my upbringing has permanently screwed me out of ever doing normal, because I can't wrap my head around normal. No frame of reference. All I can do is keep tallying up the shit they scream at me on the way out, so I can get a clearer picture of what they all seem to agree on.

Stubborn bastard
Childish asshole (probably unfair and I will hold my breath until they take it back)
Coldblooded and emotionless
Condescending prick
Infuriatingly Blunt
Always a million miles away (that's the ADD)
Inflexible and unmovable.
Brutally Honest (this is not a compliment. I apparently say what I am thinking even if I shouldn't)
Circle Talker (that's new, but refers to the vocabulary and the ability to out argue a female. You girls really hate that)
Fucking autistic spectrum jackass(she was really pissed but sometime I wonder)

There are more. But Sally will just say I'm humble-bragging. Mostly I seem to be impossible to live with for any length of time. Unless you're five. Kids love me.