08-30-2016, 11:28 PM
Luckily, I don't need to make that choice -- it would be a close call.
You see, Uncle Herman and Aunt Ethel committed double suicide when Aunt Lily and Uncle Fred left their sorry asses and ran off together. The child abusers were so angry and depressed about the betrayal, they locked themselves in the bomb shelter of the family compound and ate like 500 cans of high sodium processed foods. They just gorged and gorged, until their evil broken hearts exploded.
When the police first arrived at the scene, they thought it was a murder/suicide because Uncle Herman's penis appeared to have been dismembered and stuffed in his mouth. However, the lead detective quickly determined that he was simply trying to down his final Vienna Sausage when he passed away.
Uncle Herman and Aunt Ethel were buried in the back of the compound, next to the family pet cemetery. We kids put 'R I P' on each of their graves, using Campbell's Alphabet Soup letters.
You see, Uncle Herman and Aunt Ethel committed double suicide when Aunt Lily and Uncle Fred left their sorry asses and ran off together. The child abusers were so angry and depressed about the betrayal, they locked themselves in the bomb shelter of the family compound and ate like 500 cans of high sodium processed foods. They just gorged and gorged, until their evil broken hearts exploded.
When the police first arrived at the scene, they thought it was a murder/suicide because Uncle Herman's penis appeared to have been dismembered and stuffed in his mouth. However, the lead detective quickly determined that he was simply trying to down his final Vienna Sausage when he passed away.
Uncle Herman and Aunt Ethel were buried in the back of the compound, next to the family pet cemetery. We kids put 'R I P' on each of their graves, using Campbell's Alphabet Soup letters.