09-09-2016, 01:15 PM
(09-09-2016, 12:29 PM)sally Wrote: It depends, some guys go in there and get jacked. Even though they're eating the shitty food there bodies utilize it from lifting heavy weights in the workout yard and they do endless push ups and sit ups in their cells because there is nothing else to do. Plus I'm sure they can get steroids in there too. That's what I plan on doing when I get there.
Sounds like a sensible weight loss plan; step 1 is the most difficult.
I don't recommend robbing a bank and then telling the guard you're the perp, like that poor bastard in the Felony Stupid Criminal thread who REALLY wanted to get away from his wife. It worked out well for him, but could easily have backfired.
You'll need to pull off a crime that's serious enough to merit incarceration, but probably won't get you shot dead by the cops.
I think you should drive drunk to K-Mart, put on a stylish Jaclyn Smith two-piece cardigan set (make sure to pick one that has plastic security tags), and then walk slowly out the door to be sure the alarm goes off.
When the retail security officer tries to stop you, pinch him or her in the ass. When the cops arrive, pinch them in the ass too. DUI, shoplifting, assault, and resisting arrest -- that might get you 30 - 60 days if you beg your husband not to bail you out.
Good luck, sal.