Jeff Foxworthy On Michigan

[D]

• If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Michigan
• If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because Pellston is the coldest spot in the nation, you might live in Michigan
• Your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you might live in Michigan
• If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months of the year, you might live in Michigan
• If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you might live in Michigan
• If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Michigan
• If you have worn shorts and a coat at the same time, you might live in Michigan
• If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Michigan
• If you have a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Michigan

Part 2: "You know you're a true Michigander when"

• "Vacation" means going up north on I-75
• You measure distance in hours (Its 4 ¹⁄₂ hours from my house to detroit!!)
• You know several people who have hit a deer more than once
• You often switch from heat to A/C in the same day
• You can drive 65mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching (No one can winter drive like Michiganders... except Canadians and Montanans)
• You see people wearing camouflage at social events, including weddings
• You install security lights on your house, and then leave both unlocked
• You carry jumper cables in your car, and your girlfriend knows how to use them
• You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snow suit
• Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow
• You know all four seasons, almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction
• You can identify a southern or eastern accent
• Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce
• You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age
• Down South to you means Ohio
• A brat is something you eat
• Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole barn
• You go out to fish fry every Friday
• Your 4^th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost
• You have more miles on your snow blower than you car
• You find 0 degrees "a little chilly"
• You drink pop and bake with soda
• Your doctor tells you to drink Vernors, and you know its not medicine (A buddy of mine used to drive to NY with a trunk full of Vernors twice a year and sell i for $30 a 12 pack on the corner!!)
• You know what a Yooper is
• You think owning a Honda is Un-American
• You know that UP is a place, not a direction
• You know its possible to live in a thumb
• You understand that when visiting Detroit, the best thing to wear is a Kevlar vest
• You actually understand these jokes and share them with all your Michigan friends!