HAPPY HUMPDAY, MOCKERS

[Clang McFly]

Is your toilet bowl filled with blood after pooping or is your poop black?

I've had anal fissures that bleed like a motherfucker and look like I'm bleeding out but it's not that serious.

If your poop is black, you're bleeding further up your tract and definitely need to get it checked out.

Poop isn't black. It's the color and consistency of peanut butter, except for the pieces of shit that feel like I'm pooping glass with sharp edges. It's like a Reeses peanut butter cup only with poop and blood. It happened tonight less than an hour ago, preceded by slightly painful burning rotten egg smelling farts. Oh God I wish I was making this up. It's usually semi soft but the poop is so packed in there I have to finger myself to get it out. Fuck me, I'm sorry for oversharing all the gross details. Just tell me to shut up about it and I might actually listen.