Trust

[username]

Do you trust people right away and then disregard them when they let you down?

Or do you observe them first and then decide if they are trust worthy?

When people let you down how do you respond?

When you let people down how do you respond and hope others respond?

If someone does something to lose your trust will it regain again over time or are they lost to you forever?

I don’t trust people right away with any of what I perceive as vulnerabilities so I don’t have to be concerned about them “right away” letting me down. Trust, like respect, is earned IMO. So yes to question 2, I observe first.

If I give my trust to someone and they “let me down” I get possibly more angry at myself for my mistaken judgment than them but good luck to the person who lets me down and hopes to regain my trust/friendship. Probably won’t ever be the same.

I try very hard to be trustworthy and I think I do pretty well in that regard. My adult kids tell me everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) and often, whether they say it explicitly or not, I know that they don’t necessarily want me to share their experiences with my husband. 98% of the time I don’t but there have been a couple instances where I felt like he had a need-to-know basis as their father and I knew he would only react with love and concern (or say nothing if I told him he couldn’t which is a heavy cross to bare). Anyway, I’ve told my kids on those few occasions that I told their dad. I apologized but said the obvious in those instances: he loves u as much as I do and there’s no judgment. So far that’s worked out and neither has been angry that I’ve “betrayed a trust”. Usually it’s around 3 months later so whatever the issue was it’s not as intense by that time and my husband is good about letting them talk to him if they choose.

As far as me cutting someone off “forever” if they betray a trust, it really depends on the particular circumstances and timing. I’ve been married 30 years now.If I found out my husband had a hot one night stand with some woman he met in a hotel 20 years ago I truly wouldn’t give a shit at this point.