the 2022, trivial, boring, I really miss the old lady, boring drivel thread

[Clang McFly]

All the time!

I look at the door and yell at it
"You mother fucking door knob! Get a job! And a hair cut while you're at it!" "Where'd you get those knockers?! The drug store? You could use a paint job!"
"All you do is open-close, open-close, can't you think of anything else to do?"
"Look at this one! It doesn't have any knockers, it needs a door bell! Ding Dong! Ding Dong!"
"Look at your peep-hole! The last time you cleaned that was decades ago, you can tell by the spiderwebs"
"And this one has a mail-slot! Woa baby! Watch out!"

If you read this in the voice of Laverne from Laverne and Shirley it works great, because that is how I wrote it.