My buddy the Mainiac is late.

[Maggot]

He usually visits me by now and brings me my sack of first cut hay, so I called him:
Me: Hey maniac where's my hay bitch!
maniac: Crap.....its Turkey season loser.
me: Well.....bring one for my table then
maniac: nope
me: your going to jail for not getting insurance turkey ass.
maniac: Are you kidding me ........how
Me: They will snatch your tax return and buy a bat and hit you with it.
maniac: What's a tax return?
Me: Its homage for living in this great land
maniac: I aint filed one in over 30 yrs, why start now?
Me: They don't like people like you flying under the radar.
maniac: hahahahahaha
Me: hey maniac.......where's my hay bitch!
maniac: next week brother..........
me:
maniacs bitch wife: where's my pickles snookums....

life is good sometimes. Mainiac is about 63 and still kicks my ass arm wrestling. And I bet will still get social security at some point down the road.

[Duchess]

A bale. *swoons*

[crash]

I'm wondering if a mainiac is mainstream crazy, not off the wall window licking crazy..

[Maggot]

Window licking crazy? bwaaaaahahahaha

[Maggot]

The guy that moved into the nut down the roads house looks just like John Locke from "Lost" and his personality is also a match. He works for Comcast an internet/television company. We were talking about barter and how well it works around here. He has an HVAC issue.
I may get my Sci-Fi channel back.

[HairOfTheDog]

Lucky.

I don't know exactly what my newish neighbor is doing in terms of home improvements, but he's been doing something almost every day for months from 4:45 to 6:45 a.m. and then again for a couple of hours at night. Sounds like he's in my room; the beauty of shared walls.

He's a substitute teacher with nothing to barter. He did offer to trim my bush and invited me to a couple of barbecues, but that's before I hit him up for blocking part of my driveway a few times. Now, I never see him - just hear him pound, pound, pounding away.

[blueberryhill]

Hair:

Your new neighbor wanted to trim your bush and you blew him off for blocking your driveway a little bit. He is probably building a torture room to put you in so he can take his revenge for u rejecting him. Be
careful, girl!!!

[crash]

Maybe he offered to trim the bush to gain access to the driveway? Maybe he'll move on and try to cut the other neighbours grass from now on..

[HairOfTheDog]

Hair:

Your new neighbor wanted to trim your bush and you blew him off for blocking your driveway a little bit. He is probably building a torture room to put you in so he can take his revenge for u rejecting him. Be
careful, girl!!!

My niece would track me down and rescue me - pronto, I know it! She loves me (okay, she needs me for money and someone to poke fun at).

And, she's always shooting up people on her X-box games, so she may be more of a threat than the mild-mannered school teacher.

Wait...it's those mild-mannered neighbors who are usually the ones hiding some dark secret, right?

Maybe he offered to trim the bush to gain access to the driveway? Maybe he'll move on and try to cut the other neighbours grass from now on..

Shit, I forgot about the alternate meaning of "driveway".

It was funny when he offered to trim my out-of-control bush (which is actually a large bougainvillea with red geraniums intertwined), but I didn't laugh in his face or anything.

Seems petty to hit someone up about blocking part of the (literal) driveway and I wouldn't normally care at all. BUT, when you have to park three blocks away from home on a hill and carry grocery bags that inevitably break, causing you to dodge oncoming cars in order to chase down a fast-rolling can of corn niblets and a bunch of yogurts... That's what happened the last time. Probably should have waited til the next day to huff up his stairs and address the parking infringement issue; betting I came across bitchy, even though I was (fake) smiling.

Anyway, we don't have front yards in the neighborhood and most of us have rocks in the backyard; no grass. But, I'm hoping he finds someone willing to barter for a little trimming of the bush. He seems to be looking for love and he is a nice guy (at least, I think he is - blueberryhill has me wondering).