Jokes I like

[HairOfTheDog]

Mokay... This thread was dead in the water until I brought the funny in.

Nah, this thread was dead in the water before you dived in, and now it's a floater, Gunnar.

Sorry, truth hurts sometimes.

But, your joke in post 15 did make me smile for a second. Honest.

[Blindgreed1]

Mokay... This thread was dead in the water until I brought the funny in.

Nah, this thread was dead in the water before you dived in, and now it's a floater, Gunnar.

Sorry, truth hurts sometimes.

But, your joke in post 15 did make me smile for a second. Honest.

Three people have commented on mine. Only one commented on his (me). I win by total count. It's science. You can't argue science.

[HairOfTheDog]

Hey, you used that "can't argue science" bit in the crime forum. Wasn't an absolute truth there either; you forget to consider context. But, science is irrelevant in this thread anyway.

I see that you've made this into a competition. Cool.

A good cock fight is almost always better than a good joke.



Carry on...

[Midwest Spy]

Post #14 was great.

What a friggin' nightmare scenario.

[Blindgreed1]

Post #14 was great.

What a friggin' nightmare scenario.

And yet another vote for funny. See, there's something here for everyone it's just different strokes for different folks. I have plenty to share. I'll post more as time allows.

[Blindgreed1]

Hey, you used that "can't argue science" bit in the crime forum. Wasn't an absolute truth there either; you forget to consider context. But,science is irrelevant in this thread anyway.

I see that you've made this into a competition. Cool.

A good cock fight is almost always better than a good joke.



Carry on...

Indeed.

[HairOfTheDog]

And yet another vote for funny. See, there's something here for everyone it's just different strokes for different folks. I have plenty to share. I'll post more as time allows.

Well... at best, I think it's worth like ¹⁄₂ a point for getting a thumbs-up from MS on that old Vaudeville joke, Gunnar.

It centered around a married every-man hoping for some side sex. So, it's almost cheating to count his vote at all given that's what the majority of his posts are about. Pandering!

If you'd edited the joke a bit to include the word "knockers", "hooters" or "tits", that vote would have been so pandered, the full point would have been awarded to the opposing cock, in all fairness.

(See, science can often be legitimately argued, in context).

Okay, enough from the peanut gallery. Back on topic...

Husband: My wife is a liar! I think she's cheating on me.
Friend: Why do you say that?
Husband: She didn't come home last night and when I asked her where she'd been, she said she had spent the night with her sister, Bessie.
Friend: So?
Husband: So! So! She's a liar! I spent the night with Bessie last night.




I'll leave you boys to it, now.

P.s. I actually like MS, and these corny jokes. They just bring out the Alice Kramden/Ethel Mertz in me.

[Midwest Spy]

And yet another vote for funny. See, there's something here for everyone it's just different strokes for different folks. I have plenty to share. I'll post more as time allows.

Well... at best, I think it's worth like ¹⁄₂ a point for getting a thumbs-up from MS on that old Vaudeville joke, Gunnar.

It centered around a married every-man hoping for some side sex. So, it's almost cheating to count his vote at all given that's what the majority of his posts are about. Pandering!

If you'd edited the joke a bit to include the word "knockers", "hooters" or "tits", that vote would have been so pandered, the full point would have been awarded to the opposing cock, in all fairness.


P.s. I actually like MS, and these corny jokes. They just bring out the Alice Kramden/Ethel Mertz in me.

Gunnar, my vote before was only worth ¹⁄₃ point, so I'm gathering steam.

HotD you know how I feel about you (and I'm sure you still want to hurl when thinking about it).

However, if FQ2 wins the lottery and she takes all of us to Jamaica, you know you'll be the moth to my flame (unless you're into some really weird Red Room of Pain Freakshow shit, then count me out).

[HairOfTheDog]

I do know it, MS. I do.

And, I'm slightly ashamed of myself for not being able to hide my feelings for you.

I'm so under your thumb and everybody knows it, baby. Ah well, I'm only human.

[Blindgreed1]

And yet another vote for funny. See, there's something here for everyone it's just different strokes for different folks. I have plenty to share. I'll post more as time allows.

Well... at best, I think it's worth like ¹⁄₂ a point for getting a thumbs-up from MS on that old Vaudeville joke, Gunnar.

It centered around a married every-man hoping for some side sex. So, it's almost cheating to count his vote at all given that's what the majority of his posts are about. Pandering!

If you'd edited the joke a bit to include the word "knockers", "hooters" or "tits", that vote would have been so pandered, the full point would have been awarded to the opposing cock, in all fairness.

(See, science can often be legitimately argued, in context).

Okay, enough from the peanut gallery. Back on topic...

Husband: My wife is a liar! I think she's cheating on me.
Friend: Why do you say that?
Husband: She didn't come home last night and when I asked her where she'd been, she said she had spent the night with her sister, Bessie.
Friend: So?
Husband: So! So! She's a liar! I spent the night with Bessie last night.




I'll leave you boys to it, now.

P.s. I actually like MS, and these corny jokes. They just bring out the Alice Kramden/Ethel Mertz in me.

My gawd that's aweful.

[HairOfTheDog]

My gawd that's aweful.

I know. Bessie always was a tramp.

[Blindgreed1]

A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street. They pass a playground. The priest says to the rabbi, "hey, wanna fuck those kids?" The rabbi replies, "out of what?"

So a black guy picks up this white girl at a club.
he takes her home, and she asks him, " is it true what they say about black guys?"
He replies, "It sure is baby".
So he stabbed her and stole her purse.

So these two co-workers steve and joe were discussing their up coming wives anniversaries that happens to be in the same week. Joe says "I haven't quite figured out what to get my wife yet...what about you." Steve replies proudly "well I got my wife a diamond necklace and a Mercedes." Confused Joe says "why did you do that?" Steve "well if she doesn't like the necklace I got her she can go return it in her new Mercedes." Joe thinks for a second and says "I know what I will get her.....a dildo and flip flops." Steve bewildered responds "why that?!" Joe "well if she doesn't like the flip flops I got her, then she can just go fuck herself."

[Blindgreed1]

The queen of England was visiting one of Canada's top hospitals, and during her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating.

"Oh my god!", said the Queen, "That's disgraceful, what is the meaning of this???"

The doctor leading the tour explains, "I'm sorry your ladyship, this man has a very serious condition where the testicles rapidly fill with semen. If he doesn't do that five times a day, they would explode and he would most likely die instantly."

"Oh, I am sorry" said the Queen.

On the next floor they passed a room where a young nurse was giving a patient a blow job.

"Oh my God", said the Queen, "What's happening in there?"

The Doctor replied, "Same problem, better health plan."

[Midwest Spy]

I do know it, MS. I do.

And, I'm slightly ashamed of myself for not being able to hide my feelings for you.

I'm so under your thumb and everybody knows it, baby. Ah well, I'm only human.

This ^^ caught me a little off-guard, but I'm finally able to repsond to you.

You're just a red-blooded woman who has finally acknowledged her true feelings.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that FQ2 wins the lotto and you and I can finally consummate what is truly 'meant to be'.

Until Jamaica my sweet....

[HairOfTheDog]

Thank you, MS.

I've long pictured us, tucked away alone somewhere, sharing a box of White Zinfandel by candlelight, Dan Fogelberg playing softly in the background...

You, finally within reach...piercing me with those irresistible hypnotizing blue eyes...sitting there all cross-legged in your black sweat socks and fart filter underwear....captivating me with the most recent entertainment awards show dish...whispering mainstream movie quotes in my ear...oh, god, simply sweeping me off my feet...

Your wife is the luckiest woman in the world, MS. Affectionately respecting you as the faithful non-cheating dreamboat that you are, I will be fully satisfied with a gentle bit-too-long clammy handshake to consummate what is truly meant to be between us.

Until then...

[Midwest Spy]

I think you and I both know that my wife is really NOT that excited about how gassy I am.

If we do ever meet, please make sure you're wearing a burlap sack so that I don't start drooling while in your presence.

As fate would have it, when we fly back from Hawaii in April, we'll have nearly a 6 hour layover in SF.

I'm trying to convince my gal that we need to hop on BART and head downtown for an hour or so (I've never been there, she has).

Do you think it'd be worthwhile (assuming the weather is nice)?

[HairOfTheDog]

I'd take a taxi and have an agenda in mind, MS.

If your layover is six hours, you should have time for a look around and a nice lunch or dinner downtown or anywhere in the city without rushing.

If it's dinner, make sure you have a reservation though - Saturday nights are long waits.

PM me if you're interested in suggestions or anything.

[Donovan]

Cynical Ninja and his wife were prepping for their first honeymoon night together and were very excited to see each other naked for the first time. As he removed his shoes and socks, Cinnamon said " Now please don't be alarmed, my love. I was a sickly child. I have some...flaws. My feet are shriveled and wasted looking because I had Toelio as a kid."
His wife asked, "Don't you mean Polio?"
"No, stupid woman, I said TOE-LIO."
Annoyed, Cinnamon pulled off his trousers and revealed scarred, misshapen knees. His wife gasped in horror and he said, "Don't be afraid, I told you I was a sickly child. These scars came from Kneesles."
His wife asked, "Don't you mean Measles?"
Cinnamon shouted "God dammit woman did I SAY that? I said KNEE-sles!" Angrily he yanked down his underwear.
Cinnamon's wife laughed and said, "Oh don't tell me I know this one. Small-cox, right?"

[Clang McFly]

Lol

[Donovan]

After fifty years of marriage Cinnamon Nutmeg
's wife was on her deathbed and she called him to her side. " I have a confession to make," she said. "Please go under the bed and get the blue shoebox. Open it."
When he did, Cinnamon found a stack of close to $5,000 and an egg carton with three eggs in it.
Cinnamon's wife said, " I have to confess that I haven't always been honest about our sex life, and you sometimes were inadequate as a lover. I didn't want to hurt your feelings, so any time you didn't sexual satisfy me I instead put an egg into the carton. Please forgive me..."
Cinnamon said, "Well I AM a little hurt. But honestly, three eggs in fifty years ain't bad. I guess I can let it go. But what's this $5,000 dollars for?"
The wife shrugged. "Every time I got to a dozen I sold it at the public market for a buck."