NO SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE

[Duchess]

That used to be the "rule" back in the day. Recently I've been reading & hearing about more & more people going back to that way. Isn't it more important to find out if you're sexually compatible rather than waiting for your wedding night to discover that? Would you agree that not being compatible sexually is a deal breaker?

[SIXFOOTERsez]

It would definitely be a deal breaker for me.
Happened more than once, sex for the first time with a new partner that was something less than Stellar due to compatibility, chemistry or whatever.
Some people just don't know how to fuck

[HairOfTheDog]

Would you agree that not being compatible sexually is a deal breaker?

Marriage is a deal breaker to sexual compatibility, for me.

Seriously, I guess it depends on what people want outta marriage or long-term partnership.

Sex is important to me in a relationship and I don't have any religious or moral objections to adult consensual sex under most any circumstance. If I was interested in marriage, I'd not wait til after the wedding to sleep with my husband.

But, I understood aussie's point a while back about staying married (or getting married) to someone when sexual compatibility is lacking (or unknown). Some people consider the companionship, emotional support, commitment and other non-sexual connections to be higher priority. (I have never been involved with a man who put any of those things above good/fun sex, though.)

[Duchess]

I can't even imagine being in a relationship where I wasn't sexually compatible. I think it's too big & important to take a chance on.

When I signed on the other morning there was a headline regarding that family with a shit ton of kids, one of them had gotten married and her & her new husband hadn't even kissed before that day.

[Duchess]

Some people just don't know how to fuck

Have you ever had a partner who just laid there? I've heard talk about them.

[ramseycat]

Bad sex = bad marriage.

[HairOfTheDog]

Bad sex = bad marriage.

So, then, do you think that good sex = good marriage?

It's possible to have incredibly good sex with someone, but zero compatibility and a real drag of a relationship outside of the bedroom.

And, I know a few very old and wise women who were happily married for ages to men to whom they weren't necessarily physically attracted, at least not initially. They wanted someone who would be a good father, a good provider, someone with whom they could grow old comfortably and peacefully...

I think it's very rare in life that any satisfying relationship or commitment (business, kids, friendships, lovers/spouses) can be maintained without trade-offs and compromises.

[ramseycat]

Good sex doesn't guarantee a good marriage. It helps though along with the other things you mentioned. But bad sex is going to ruin a marriage. I hope to have a combination of good sex, laughs, respect, communication, love, all the good things someday. I certainly didn't have it in my first marriage.

[HairOfTheDog]

I hope you find someone who offers you all of those things, rams.

If he offered you all of the other things and you loved him, but you considered the sex "bad", I hope you wouldn't kick him to the curb without pushing your own openness and imagination to the max first.

Since I really like/love men with whom I'm engaged in a relationship, I'm more than half way there already. Between simply asking for what I want, my mind going where it wants, and addressing what I don't want and coming up with acceptable alternatives if it's something that he really wants, I've not experienced sex that I consider "bad". Some has been mind blowing, some has just been satisfying, and most has been everything in-between.

[Blindgreed1]

Draw straws or make an educated decision? No brainer. Sleep together and OFTEN before you even discuss marriage. But that's just one man's opinion.

[HairOfTheDog]

Draw straws or make an educated decision? No brainer. Sleep together and OFTEN before you even discuss marriage. But that's just one man's opinion.

In my experience, that's just about every man's opinion.

[SIXFOOTERsez]

Some people just don't know how to fuck

Have you ever had a partner who just laid there? I've heard talk about them.

One, she was all about it until it was time for the actual deed. Found out later on that she didn't think she was supposed to do anything and didn't know what to do, was kind of weird.
I thought it was me, wasn't hitting the right spot or something, wasn't enthusiastic enough or she just wasn't impressed.
Same conversation later on that she didn't want to do it with me again, to big, too much power, too much. Said she couldn't walk right
Told her Damn, I thought I wasn't giving you enough so I kept trying harder!
Stuff was falling off the night stands.
A little squeak, holler, or god forbid some movement would have helped.
We laughed about it then, that was about a year after the initial encounter, never went for round 2.

[Blindgreed1]

Draw straws or make an educated decision? No brainer. Sleep together and OFTEN before you even discuss marriage. But that's just one man's opinion.

In my experience, that's just about every man's opinion.

Then you date smart men.

[Maggot]

Does money figure in any of this?

[Duchess]

Told her Damn, I thought I wasn't giving you enough so I kept trying harder!
Stuff was falling off the night stands.

That's hysterical! She never said a word. WTF. Hahaha

[HairOfTheDog]

Then you date smart men.

You bet.

I don't need a genius or anything close, and don't like when people try to control me. But, straight-up dumb or submissive people are turn-offs for me no matter what else they've got going on and I doubt I'd ever end up in the bedroom with someone like that anyway.

Does money figure in any of this?

It doesn't matter to me. My money is mine and his is his, so I don't really care about it. If I was looking for a marriage partner with whom I planned to raise a family, it might matter more overall (but probably not in regards to the sex alone).

[Blindgreed1]

Then you date smart men.

You bet.

I don't need a genius or anything close, and don't like when people try to control me. But, straight-up dumb or submissive people are turn-offs for me no matter what else they've got going on and I doubt I'd ever end up in the bedroom with someone like that anyway.

Does money figure in any of this?

It doesn't matter to me. My money is mine and his is his, so I don't really care about it. If I was looking for a marriage partner with whom I planned to raise a family, it might matter more overall (but probably not in regards to the sex alone).

I have the same feelings about women. Stupid chicks drive me insane. I have a buddy who's involved with a really cute chick, but she's dumber than a bag of hammers. I can't even stand to be in the same room with her because he has to explain everything to her. Major turn off if you can't carry a conversation.