HOMELY PEOPLE & LAZY BASTARDS

[Clang McFly]

*starts singing the parody to Everybody hurts, replacing "hurts" with "poops"*

[Clang McFly]

*starts singing the parody to Everybody hurts, replacing "hurts" with "poops"*

Or:

[Donovan]

At the risk of giving Sally and HotD boners so long and hard they'll need to call their doctor, I have no Jedi mind tricks for making kids hit the toilet before they want to and am currently working on the 4 yr old for the exact same problem: hiding in the bedroom to poop.
Of course, behavior mod tactics would work wonders but the GF has decided to pull rank on me based in a recent unrelated power struggle she lost, and I am forbidden to exercise any of the more effective natural consequences. Strictly positive reenforcement. Which will take for fucking ever. But I am nothing if not cooperative. Hell, I'm a goddamn pushover when it comes to letting women have their own way. If I ever met Sally I'd probably let her step on my neck or something.

Yeah that would happen.

[Duchess]

It was fun posting about your jedi mind trickery. I wish I would have had many pokes to give.

[Midwest Spy]

I am currently working on the 4 yr old for the exact same problem: hiding in the bedroom to poop.

This brought up a really funny memory for me.

My oldest son was probably 3 ¹⁄₂ or so, and it was very difficult to get him to sit on the toilet to poop.

When he had to go, he'd find a corner of the house, and stand, facing the corner and go in his diaper. He obviously didn't want to be seen, but after a moment or two of "where's Josh?" we'd go looking for him and there he'd be, grunting and his little face turning red.

It's funny what kids will do.

[Duchess]

Hilarious

[username]

One thing I know for certain...none of these kids will chose to shit in a diaper by the time they're ten or something.

Some parents are really freaking opinionated about hitting certain milestones at some exact age--I was never that pushy and my daughter did give up her "binky", they both DID learn to pee and shit in a toilet.

Then again, my kids are pretty screwed up right now so I'm probably not one to be giving parenting advice. Heh-heh.

[Maggot]

None of my kids ever used a pacifier. I did use earplugs a few times.

[Donovan]

When I get home if I can find it I will post a video of me and the boy at a playground. He was being adorable so I was filming him running around and accidentally caught him in mid-loafpinch. You can practically hear the tone of my voice change in mid sentence.

[Maggot]

If you're fast you can put them on the can mid-grunt.

[HairOfTheDog]

Hell, I'm a goddamn pushover when it comes to letting women have their own way. If I ever met Sally I'd probably let her step on my neck or something.

Yeah that would happen.

You should let Big Sal step on your neck, Donovan. She seems gentle.

Then, I'll get the razor and shave your head.

Then, we'll collect our $5,000 from Carsman.

- You can donate $1,000 to "Friends of Incarcerated Male Murderers Seeking Sex Change Operations".
- I'll donate $1,000 to "All Protests, All The Time" & "We Need Water -- Please Give a Dam".
- The remaining $3,000 goes towards booze -- we'll play quarters, til the well runs dry.

I suspect we'll both lose, and still sal will have drunk us under the table.

[username]

Well done, HotDog.

[Duchess]

The Queen of Pun.

[Duchess]

I was thinking jeeze she's pushy, she doesn't even want a nigger to sleep.

You sleeping, nigga?

[Duchess]

Are you away having another baby?

[sally]

Who me? I went on a little mini vacation. Back to the same old shit tomorrow.

[Duchess]

Who me?

There's my lil' nigga! Yes, you. I notice when you're not here.

[Duchess]

I saw someone reading this thread so I read it too. I had two immediate thoughts--y'all are hilarious & we've been talkin' shit for years.

[BigMark]

Why you gotta insult @#$%& like that?

[Duchess]

Just callin' a spade a spade.