Questions?

[Maggot]

I will give you an alternative future. Just ask. The doctor is in.

[Maggot]

OK I will start:
Maggot: Every time I do laundry I hang my shirts up, but then I run out of the plastic hangers. All I'm left with is metal hangers and I resist using them and end up folding the damn things. Why?
The Doctor: Let me begin by saying that I'm quite insane. Now that that's said I will dissect your troubles.
At some point in your life you were almost aborted. Your fear of wire hangers could be gone if you thought of them as muffler hangers. They are great! if you ever run over a paperboy or Chinese lady walking 3 miles to the bus on the coldest day of the god damn year and their skull tore off your muffler you could quickly repair the damage and not even spill your Dunkin Doughnuts coffee that you put that Kahlua in. In other words...........Get a life.

[HairOfTheDog]

I will give you an alternative future. Just ask. The doctor is in.

That gif is perfect for your head-shrinking service invitation, Dr. M.

I had a 1:10pm appointment today. At 2:30pm, my number was finally called by one of the many completely clueless staff members working the Saturday shift at the Daly City DMV.

I had an appointment, damn it -- like a reservation -- I was late for a lunch date and very irritated by the time I made it to Window 9 and finally came face-to-face with the world's slowest (in all ways) clerk, who was chit-chatting away with the winner working Window 10, while trying to help me and chew gum at the same time.

If I'd have had a squirt gun in my bag, I'd have shot them both right in the ass, repeatedly. I was fantasizing about it.

Does that make me a crotchety old hag and, if so, is there any remedy?

Thank you.

[Maggot]

Does that make me old and crotchety and, if so, is there any remedy?

Thank you.

How can I say this.........you are experiencing the experience of a dead battery in your timepiece. Had you stopped for 5 min as you were rushing to your DMV hearing at the local pharmacy you could have gotten your prescription for Adderall and a new battery. Your parole officer was probably fairly pissed off by the time you got to lunch but as long as you offered to pay for the meal with tip you were probably fine.
My advice? Write it off as another psychotic episode and go sharpen a few knives.

[HairOfTheDog]

Thanks Dr. M. -- I feel like you've really helped me to get in touch with my inner self and the outer world.

I see the light now. I'm not a crotchety old hag, just a burned-out delusional bitch in need of meds.

Unfortunately, my parole officer is a nosy bastard and the conditions of my parole forbid me from being in possession of knives, nunchucks, nutcrackers, or ice picks ever again.



I'll look into the Adderall, though.

[Duchess]

I only use wood hangers. I'd lose my mind if I had hanger shoulders.

[Maggot]

I only use wood hangers. I'd lose my mind if I had hanger shoulders.

I will have to sleep on that.................

[ramseycat]

My closet only has wood hangers. The boys have plastic. I also hang my clothes by type and cot family. What's that mean Maggot?

[Duchess]

I will give you an alternative future. Just ask. The doctor is in.

I can't eat a sandwich without chips on the side.

I lift both feet up whenever I go over railroad tracks.

Touching public doorknobs skeeves me terribly. *shudders*

I hate my picture taken. Hate. It.

I save the life of worms I come across on my brick walkway because I know the sun will bake them if they don't get off it.

Does my future look bright in spite of my weirdness?

[Blindgreed1]

I am very organized. A place for everything and everything in it's place. Monday - Wednesday I wear the same outfit I wore last Monday - Wednesday and have for as long as I can remember. Thursday - Sunday is a crap shoot. It annoys me to no end when my daughter doesn't throw away empty containers. I just recently quit smoking and I still hate non-smokers who complain about smokers.

[Maggot]

My closet only has wood hangers. The boys have plastic. I also hang my clothes by type and cot family. What's that mean Maggot?

You have plenty of time on your hands it seems, what you should be doing with it is running through the green, green grass with bare feet. Be careful of where the dog has been and when you get tired lay on your cot.
The difference between wood and plastic hangers is debatable but it shows that you value your clothes more than the other things that crawl through your house. They may have at one point beat each other with the plastic ones but once broken they were hidden behind the dryer.
My advice: Wash everything with bleach and a couple permanent markers live a little and think outside of the pizza box.

[Maggot]

I can't eat a sandwich without chips on the side.

I lift both feet up whenever I go over railroad tracks.

Touching public doorknobs skeeves me terribly. *shudders*

I hate my picture taken. Hate. It.

I save the life of worms I come across on my brick walkway because I know the sun will bake them if they don't get off it.

Does my future look bright in spite of my weirdness?[/i][/size]

Ahhhhhhhhh...........finally a classic case of multiple personalities! I am so glad that you came. I may need the names of your "family" but that can wait till later sessions which you will most definitely need. The good thing is that they may last into the summer and dang my AC is broken so you could wear anything or nothing. I'm a doctor and will accept you the way you are, no matter who you are.
Lets start with the "worms"
Your mind is a bit jumbled like a multi colored gumball machine. You see the worms as you see people from far away. The fact that they are touchable makes you happy and by saving them you are saving another thing that you can never save and that's your sanity.
I have set up another appointment for you and if you stop at the front desk and speak to my transgender cat Tomasina (who speaks multi languages) he/she.......she /he will be glad to schedule our next session.

[Blindgreed1]

I can't eat a sandwich without chips on the side.

I lift both feet up whenever I go over railroad tracks.

Touching public doorknobs skeeves me terribly. *shudders*

I hate my picture taken. Hate. It.

I save the life of worms I come across on my brick walkway because I know the sun will bake them if they don't get off it.

Does my future look bright in spite of my weirdness?[/i][/size]

Ahhhhhhhhh...........finally a classic case of multiple personalities! I am so glad that you came. I may need the names of your "family" but that can wait till later sessions which you will most definitely need. The good thing is that they may last into the summer and dang my AC is broken so you could wear anything or nothing. I'm a doctor and will accept you the way you are, no matter who you are. Lets start with the "worms"
Your mind is a bit jumbled like a multi colored gumball machine. You see the worms as you see people from far away. The fact that they are touchable makes you happy and by saving them you are saving another thing that you can never save and that's your sanity.
I have set up another appointment for you and if you stop at the front desk and speak to my transgender cat Tomasina (who speaks multi languages) he/she.......she /he will be glad to schedule our next session.

Nice gig Doc!

[HairOfTheDog]

"Your mind is a bit jumbled like a multi colored gumball machine"...

I love it when the lecherous doctor is in.

I do suspect that he's not only an advocate for, but also a user of, psychedelics. For medical purposes, of course.

[Duchess]

"Your mind is a bit jumbled like a multi colored gumball machine"...

Spot on, huh.

[HairOfTheDog]

"Your mind is a bit jumbled like a multi colored gumball machine"...

Spot on, huh.

I've never noticed the similarities between your mind and the old school gumball machines, but I'm not a doctor.

I loved those multi-colored gumball machines, though. And, if the the good doctor's analysis is spot on, "penny for your thoughts" quite literally applies to you.

(Actually, those gumballs probably cost at least a nickel by now.)

[Maggot]

I am very organized. A place for everything and everything in it's place. Monday - Wednesday I wear the same outfit I wore last Monday - Wednesday and have for as long as I can remember. Thursday - Sunday is a crap shoot. It annoys me to no end when my daughter doesn't throw away empty containers. I just recently quit smoking and I still hate non-smokers who complain about smokers.

This was a hodgepodge of enlightening shaded sunshine. A true ego-maniac with diamond reasoning, when reading the above paragraph I was perplexed and flexible like Gumby but after a bit it became very, very clear.
The man has never learned the Julian calendar. He has been going by some freaky astronomy thing for so many years that his mind has adapted and changed in some un-godly non-smoking pile of ashes. I believe he should throw his own beer cans away and step away from the caulk board with haste as he cannot distinguish between caulk dust and cocaine. My advise is to sit back and decide that Monday is the day this time that he goes to work forgetting Wednesdays pants, it would sure shave some time off getting that latte, dbl cream, six sugar, dbl. espresso Triple straw concoction and allow extra money for a college education for his daughter and possibly some physiological therapy for her so that by the time she reaches adulthood will absolutely be trying to figure out a way to acquire the toenail clippings he has in his will before he turns 60.

[HairOfTheDog]

Geez, Mags, that's pretty aggressive therapy.

What if Gunnar doesn't have the fortitude to leave behind all of his old ways cold turkey?

What about a stepped approach -- like starting off by wearing no pants to work this Wednesday, and wearing two pairs of pants to work next Wednesday?

[Maggot]

That's a possibility, maybe going commando the first day with different color socks to show non-conformity.