DIVULGING HURTFUL INFO

[Duchess]

If you know about something being said or done to someone you like and whose feelings you care about, do you tell them even when it will serve no purpose to do so?

I know what I would do but I'm curious how others would handle that.

[Maggot]

No matter what you will become a hero or a heel then a rat by the other people. If it was said in confidence that's a different matter.

[HairOfTheDog]

If the person I like is being talked about or done wrong by people he/she likes, I might say something if I see that what's being said/done is having a negative impact on the person.

It bothers me when above-board people get stabbed in the back by conniving two-faced people. I'd address it with the conniver(s) as the first course of action.

If it's just insecure gossip-mongers making up stupid shit about a person they can't control or don't like, without any impact on the person's life, I'd probably just roll my eyes and forget about it.

[F.U.]

I hate people that talk shit behind someones back and don't have the balls to say it to their face. I always make a mental note of those people and know that if they will talk shit behind a friends back they will talk shit behind mine too.
If I hear them talking shit about my friends I call them on it and they either put up proof or shut the pie hole. I don't run back and tell my friend about it though. I don't see what that would accomplish.

[sally]

If someone was saying hurtful things about my family or a close friend I would confront that person and then I would tell my family or close friend.

If it was just an acquaintance talking shit about another acquaintance I'd just mind my own business and not get in the middle of it.

[Duchess]

I never want to deliberately hurt anyone whose feelings I care about & I'm guilty of lies of omission.

[BigMark]

Do these pants make my ass look big?

[Duchess]

Yes, but I think it's because they're bad mom jeans. Get something that rides low on your hips and stop tucking your t-shirt in.

[username]

In the original post you said something like even though it would serve no purpose. If it would truly serve no purpose and the person ur telling would just be hurt but unwilling to confront the issue or make changes to the friendship, I'd say no. What's the point except the person gets hurt?

I think, especially in that scenario, it's better to confront the people that are being assholes on his/her behalf. Or do/say nothing.

[Cutz]

"It serves no purpose" is bullshit. It serves the purpose of letting them know who to trust. It may hurt every person involved, but the future is brighter than the massive nuclear warfare the situation was building for some point in the future. It's like cheating spouses - it may only hurt to find out the truth - but that hurt will be less 2 months into a marriage than 20 years and 2 kids into the marriage.

[Mohammed]

I'm making quite the strange experience about something like that right now.

I spend my younger years being pretty much an arrogant and selfish shit, couldn't help it really being totally gorgeous and all, and then I moved to Hong Kong with 22, starting my Gypsy sort of life style. Strangely enough I never realized this very point until now. The point being of what others do and how to live with it. Because in that moving around the planet, of course you pick up friends, from all over the globe, but that specific problem never really comes up, simply because you spend precious little time with each other, therefor don't bother what others do or say, or you are just simply entertained by it, like in that case where I was the Executive Chef in that large hotel in Nairobi where the Financial Controllers wife got some colourful disease from the General Manager which he apparently picked up from a three some with 2 Ethiopean chicks, which obviously upset the French Financial Controller, but didn't keep the German F&B Manager screaming for her at 1am, after she walked out of his house after a short hot session, which I know because he was my neighbour, and all this leading to an unforgettable birthday speech by the GMs Phillipino wife, and yet all those people told ME to behave!

So you spend your life with people that pretty much come and go, sure, there is also some gossip, but basically nobody gives a shit. And then I come here. My wife's hometown. A place where people spend the last 30 years in the same spot! And it's like someone slaps a brick into your face. Hilarious! Who says what, who does who and what, and how much shit they give about it. Since ages!

All new to me but it's sure funny as hell.

[Donovan]

My experience is like yours Mohammed, albeit maybe less exotic. My entire formative years were spent not caring about public perception because 1) we were always getting ready to leave, and 2) my parents behavior almost always guaranteed social ostracism for us within a few months anyway. Even as an adult I never had to worry about awkward truths or hidden knowledge or the dreaded ex-relationship, because I generally left town and never saw people again.

But now I've been here in this place, raising my son, for 23 years. It's forever it feels like. I am starting to see people I "used to know," and becoming entirely too familiar with other people's secrets and weaknesses. I have at least three ex's in the same town and occasionally see them around.


I don't like it. No sir, not one bit. I don't like people knowing me too well, and I Don't like knowing them too well either. Because if you stare long enough you see where the deceptions are and the lies in their character, and I struggle with tolerating liars.

I think it's time to move...

[ramseycat]

I think it would depend on the situation and how close I am with the involved parties. But for the most part, I try to stay out of things that are not my business.

[Love Child]

If you know about something being said or done to someone you like and whose feelings you care about, do you tell them even when it will serve no purpose to do so?

I know what I would do but I'm curious how others would handle that.

There is a co-worker who works in a different department than I do, and she likes a guy I work with. I am pretty sure he does not prefer females, but is not open about it. In fact he hides it pretty well.
Do I tell her?

[Duchess]

There is a co-worker who works in a different department than I do, and she likes a guy I work with. I am pretty sure he does not prefer females, but is not open about it. In fact he hides it pretty well.
Do I tell her?

Yeah, I think so. You'd want to know, right? So would I.

[Maggot]

It would sure slow down your competition.

[OnBendedKnee]

There is a co-worker who works in a different department than I do, and she likes a guy I work with. I am pretty sure he does not prefer females, but is not open about it. In fact, he hides it pretty well.
Do I tell her?

Yeah, I think so. You'd want to know, right? So would I.

Probably nothing is going to come from it, so why not let her live with the possibility? If the thought of him puts a bounce in her step, why end it?
Her reality is cold enough without having someone else dunk her face in it.

[sally]

There is a co-worker who works in a different department than I do, and she likes a guy I work with. I am pretty sure he does not prefer females, but is not open about it. In fact he hides it pretty well.
Do I tell her?

It depends on how friendly you are with her and how well you can trust her not to tell other people. Are you good friends who can share information like that with each other or are you just simply co-workers? Since you're not 100% sure he's gay and if he is then he's obviously trying to hide it then you would just be starting a rumor about the poor guy.

[Donovan]

I say no. If that girl approached the dude it's up to him what to say or how to say it. They are grownups. It ain't up to you to guide their love life or make guesses on whether or not he prefers the fellas.

Besides you could be wrong. I used to know a guy who played gay/metrosexual/ambiguous specifically to nail chicks. He'd put them off guard, make them love him for going dancing and shopping with them, and them swoop in for the kill through the "gay friend" door. And he was good at it.

[Love Child]

I like the no answers! It puts less pressure on me. Sally I feel like I am becoming closer friends with her now. This community is so freaking tight that I think anything told to one person will surely get around.
The reason I think he prefers males is that I had to use his computer for a weekend while he was out and he did not clear his browsing histories. It was evident that the trip he was going on he was searching on craigslist for male partners and situations and places he could recieve male company.
But hey, maybe he still likes to hang with females also. Honestly I don't know and don't care and I also know that he doesn't want a relationship at all is what he has said recently.

A couple people have approached me about this girl and his like for this guy I work with and I'm like "I don't know!" I seriously feel like I am in high school again. I think that is what this place does to people-it is so isolated.

I have always learned, if a guy likes you, he lets you know.
There is none of this guessing game and wishing for and pining for. If he doesn't like you, well he doesn't pay attention to you. It seems pretty straight forward to me.