hypothetical: calling all evil vagina monsters

[Donovan]

Opinions solicited, especially from the female of the species. Entertain the following situations/ scenarios and give me your honest opinions.

Scenario: suppose a couple hits a very rough patch in a dedicated, longterm relationship, so rough that it leads to a permanent separation of more than six months. Separate households, final breakup, the works. Let's say the man, we'll call him Jonovan, meets a new woman and dates her for three months, a fun and really intense relationship that lacks the stability of the former one but is new and sexy and hot. But inevitably it too breaks up before getting serious. At the same time, Jonovan struggles financially having inherited a number of joint expenses and been laid off from work. He periodically asks his former partner to take him back despite her repeated rejections, even talking to her while dating the hot party girl (secretly of course).

Fast forward six months or so. Party girl is gone. Jonovan is nearly broke with no job in sight. Out of the blue, one of his texts to the ex, we will call her EVA (short for Evil VAgina) is answered that yes, she will consider a serious reconciliation. There is happiness all around, much crying and carrying on, and ultimately they decide to move back in together and give every effort to a longterm relationship.

It is no picnic, of course. Jonovan is still broke and money is very tight. But after Xmas things begin to turn, Jonovan gets a fantastic job tripling his former salary, lots of perks, money ceases to be an issue. The reconciliation progresses not perfectly, but acceptably.

Suddenly, out of the blue, the party girl ex contacts Jonovan asking for a reconciliation of her own. Because she was hot, and fun, and intense, and truthfully dumped Jonovan unfairly, he agrees to go meet with her, strictly for closure.

He does not tell his current partner his plans. He actually lies to her and says he's going elsewhere. He meets with the party girl, tells her how he feels, gets his closure, and ends it. But a week after, he feels so guilty he tells the current partner about the secret meeting, that she would not have known about had he not volunteered his confession.

QUESTION NUMBER 1: what is the appropriate response from the current girlfriend, if she is you? Are you pissed? Happy? Indifferent?

[sally]

At the same time, Jonovan struggles financially having inherited a number of joint expenses and been laid off from work. He periodically asks his former partner to take him back despite her repeated rejections, even talking to her while dating the hot party girl (secretly of course).

So Jonovan only wanted his former partner back because he was hurting financially? And if she took him back was he going to continue secretly dating the hot party girl or dump her?

If Jonovan switched roles and put himself in his girlfriend's place how would he react?

[ramseycat]

You're an idiot.

[sally]

WTF did I do?

[ramseycat]

I meant Donovan/Jonovan.

[Donovan]

@ramsey: elaborate. You've apparently seen through my extremely clever attempt at deception, now in what way am I an idiot?

@ Sally, I am asking how you would react, given the parameters of the scenario, placing yourself in the role of EVA. Your husband leaves you, dates a sexy hottie for a little while until she dumps him, hubby goes broke and begs you to come back, until his job situation improves. Then you are told he secretly went and met with the sexy bitch after lying to you about it.

[FAHQTOO]

I told you all...he's an ASSHOLE!

I love it when the Asshole gets all soup chickany though. Great Mock fodder for now and the future.

[sally]

I would be hurt and pissed off and would probably tell you to get the fuck out of my house.

[Donovan]

Hypothetical scenario two:

Given all the prior details of the first scenario, we revisit the same couple several weeks later after the dust has settled from the first confession. It has been strained. EVA is having some trust issues given that Jonovan lied to her about visiting the ex, even though he swears no hanky panky went on. Sex is sparse and unsatisfying. EVA has made it clear there is to be no further contact with the sexy bitch.

So one morning out of the blue, Jonovan brings up the topic of whether or not they are together for the right reasons or whether he simply went for the lifeline. Is the relationship legit? he asks. During this conversation, Jonovan lets slip after being asked point blank that sexy bitch has continued to pressure him, and that there has been an ongoing conversation for about a week, secret of course, in which Jonovan is forced to admit he still has strong feelings for sexy bitch. EVA is stable, reliable, and a good partner for parenting etc. But stability is boring. Sexy bitch is a known tramp but was PLENTY of fun, and very intense. Jonovan is torn between the boring reality and the sexy dream and admits to EVA that he will have to choose between them but the matter is not settled. Jonovan acknowledges that even though their financial situation has improved greatly due to his now fantastic job, he isn't happy and longs for the sexy tramp more than a little. She is much more compatible in party type interests than EVA, he says.

If you are EVA, how do you react to this?

[Donovan]

I told you all...he's an ASSHOLE!

I love it when the Asshole gets all soup chickany though. Great Mock fodder for now and the future.

Answer the question. In situation one and two, how do you react? At what point does anger come? When is enough more than too much?

[FAHQTOO]

Hypothetical scenario two:

Given all the prior details of the first scenario, we revisit the same couple several weeks later after the dust has settled from the first confession. It has been strained. EVA is having some trust issues given that Jonovan lied to her about visiting the ex, even though he swears no hanky panky went on. Sex is sparse and unsatisfying. EVA has made it clear there is to be no further contact with the sexy bitch.

So one morning out of the blue, Jonovan brings up the topic of whether or not they are together for the right reasons or whether he simply went for the lifeline. Is the relationship legit? he asks. During this conversation, Jonovan lets slip after being asked point blank that sexy bitch has continued to pressure him, and that there has been an ongoing conversation for about a week, secret of course, in which Jonovan is forced to admit he still has strong feelings for sexy bitch. EVA is stable, reliable, and a good partner for parenting etc. But stability is boring. Sexy bitch is a known tramp but was PLENTY of fun, and very intense. Jonovan is torn between the boring reality and the sexy dream and admits to EVA that he will have to choose between them but the matter is not settled. Jonovan acknowledges that even though their financial situation has improved greatly due to his now fantastic job, he isn't happy and longs for the sexy tramp more than a little. She is much more compatible in party type interests than EVA, he says.

If you are EVA, how do you react to this?

Your shit would be burning in the driveway and the locks changed.
Not only are you an Asshole, you're a Stupid Asshole. Bad, very very bad.

[Donovan]

I told you all...he's an ASSHOLE!

You have no idea.

I would be hurt and pissed off and would probably tell you to get the fuck out of my house.

That's what I thought. Seems like a reasonable response.

[Donovan]

Your shit would be burning in the driveway and the locks changed.
Not only are you an Asshole, you're a Stupid Asshole. Bad, very very bad.

Are you saying that there is no way to really look at this scenario and find sympathy for Jonovan? I mean, the party bitch was during a permanent separation, during which Jonovan had no reasonable expectation EVA would ever return. EVA already stated she wasn't jealous of the party bitch's time with Jonovan. Couldn't Jonovan be legitimately conflicted? And now that Jonovan has found stable work, even though EVA has been morally and emotionally supporting him and was even talking marriage, isn't mutual happiness more important?

[Donovan]

I wouldn't mind hearing from some of the less idiotic women here who don't already hate me. If there are any.

[FAHQTOO]

I told you all...he's an ASSHOLE!

You have no idea.

I would be hurt and pissed off and would probably tell you to get the fuck out of my house.

That's what I thought. Seems like a reasonable response.

Yes, I do have an idea. You've proven it time and time again.

You can't keep your dick in your pants for one.
You hate anyone that has more than 2 dimes to rub together and even go as far as wishing them dead or being happy they died because they were enjoying the fruits of their labor...something you'll never have to worry about.

You've fucked over what sounds like a great woman because you're "bored" and can't handle playing daddy anymore.

We can all see your rage on here. You're a dangerous, rage filled, ticking time bomb Asshole.

I could give many more examples, but I'm sure you get the point.

No worries though...Bernies a shoe in for President (haha)...so it's not like you won't be taken care of...finally. The bright side is that you won't have to settle for a boring girlfriend to use and abuse to support your worthless ass anymore.

[sally]

I would not want to continue a relationship with a man who has feelings for another woman and is only with me because he was broke and needed my financial support. Why would anyone want that? Why is this even a question?

[Duchess]

I wouldn't mind hearing from some of the less idiotic women here who don't already hate me. If there are any.

[Donovan]

Yes, I do have an idea. You've proven it time and time again.

You can't keep your dick in your pants for one.
You hate anyone that has more than 2 dimes to rub together and even go as far as wishing them dead or being happy they died because they were enjoying the fruits of their labor...something you'll never have to worry about.

You've fucked over what sounds like a great woman because you're "bored" and can't handle playing daddy anymore.

We can all see your rage on here. You're a dangerous, rage filled, ticking time bomb Asshole.

I could give many more examples, but I'm sure you get the point.

No worries though...Bernies a shoe in for President (haha)...so it's not like you won't be taken care of...finally. The bright side is that you won't have to settle for a boring girlfriend to use and abuse to support your worthless ass anymore.

So, basically, under the circumstances becoming angry about the above situation is a normal reaction, and one that you'd have as well? No forgiveness? No understanding? No wiggle room?

[Donovan]

I would not want to continue a relationship with a man who has feelings for another woman and is only with me because he was broke and needed my financial support. Why would anyone want that? Why is this even a question?

I would think these exact words would have been part of the conversation after the admission of feelings for party girl. I really just needed to see how normal people would react to such conditions. I can't always tell. My basis of experience is badly skewed.

[Donovan]

I wouldn't mind hearing from some of the less idiotic women here who don't already hate me. If there are any.

I value your opinion even more than these jackals. They just wanna see Jonovan bleed. Honest opinion. Please.