Slightly Awkward Situations

[Love Child]

My father's 4^th and current wife is in the hospital, she probably will not make it. My uncle asks if I want to go visit him and I say, "No" but with hesitation. I hate making decisions like this and I hate trying to figure out what to do in situations like this.

To give you background on my fathers and mine relationship-we did not talk for almost 20 years. I reached out for relationship a couple years back and it fizzled out when it was one sided on who was doing the reaching out.

My sisters will not have anything to do with him, and I am supposed to spend time with them this evening before I go back over the mountain tomorrow.

Why would I give a night up with my sisters to go be with my dad who has not been there in our lives?

Because its the right thing to do.

?

[BigMark]

If your tits really look like that it would probably cheer him up.

[Love Child]

yeah probably.

Went on a walk with my friend tonight, decided there is no wrong answer, whatever I decide to do is fine. The sucky thing is-if she dies, he cannot take care of himself. He is 75 years old, probably won't be around much any longer anyway.

[BigMark]

I spend a grip of money so my parents are taken care of, my brother and sister both have new cars and i'm driving a 2006, they don't help monetarily. My dad used to kick our assses for the stupidest reasons, my parents sit there and quarrel all fucking day long and apparently have amnesia about talking with your mouth full.

[Duchess]

Went on a walk with my friend tonight, decided there is no wrong answer, whatever I decide to do is fine.

I think in these types of situations you have to do what you can live with and maybe that's not always what is perceived as the right thing or even the wrong thing, it simply has to be what YOU can deal with. Peace of mind is no small thing, it's priceless.

[Love Child]

That is true also. Thank you Duchess.
My dad's wife passed away today. I have met her. She was a stong woman, good for my dad. Has a wonderful family.

[Duchess]

My dad's wife passed away today.

I'm sorry, honey.

Whenever I think about death I think about the time my phone rang to the tune of Save A Horse, Ride A Cowboy at a viewing. *cringe*

[BigMark]

I'm glad I made it less awkward for you.

[username]

Love Child, what inside of him caused him to allow his daughters to not to be a part of his life? Or not to make an effort to even keep a relationship that you tried to establish?

I hope his wife's family takes care of the old goat but no, based on what you said I don't think reaching out to him (again) when his wife was in the hospital was at all obligatory on your part. It seems pointless given his (seeming) nonchalance over the years.

I think it's good not to be angry at him--he must be kind of sick in some way. I will try being a nunny bunny tonight and I will pray for him and his hard heart.

[Love Child]

Wow, thank you username. I would say my father is sick. Pathological. I used to think I was supposed to see the good in every person and I usually do for the most part, but I have come to learn that some are just Aholes, and I don't have to find whatever good is in them, I just don't have to be in their life.
His wife had a family of her own, and they had a fear that we would tell them what he did when we were growing up. I did not have that desire, I just had a desire to get to know my father, what he was like when he was young, how he grew up etc etc. I did have that chance for a couple of months. But the meeting in the middle was all one way-I had to go out of my way to make plans with him and go see him.
I think he will end up in a home. Even his brother said so.

Duchess, that made me chuckle.

[aussiefriend]

Sorry Love Child, that's a terrible time you guys are going through over there. I hope you can comfort each other and especially your Dad, that is a tricky situation. Let us know what you decide and how you negotiate your way through all of that. My father is gone since I was young, I would give anything to spend 5 minutes with him, even 1 minute.

[Love Child]

Thank you Aussie, sorry to hear that. I wonder if you have had in your life anyone that you had considered a father figure?

Funny things happen when people die.
I called my dad tonight to check in, say hi etc etc
It was a nice conversation. I also got to finally talk to and meet (over the phone) one of his late wife's daughters. They are taking good care of him.
I will go to the service. Her daughter invited me to her home. She had 3 kids I think (one that passed away young) so it looks like I will get to meet the family I did not get to meet before.

[aussiefriend]

No I have never had a alternative father figure except God of course. As long as your dad is comfortable and being taken care of, and he is happy, there is nothing more, you need to do or have to do.