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**sally** · 09-09-2016, 11:43 AM

That would work. I'd have to give all the butch's in there my food in return for not beating me up and raping me. No oatmeal for me in the morning, I'll have to hand that over to Big Sue.

**Donovan** · 09-09-2016, 12:05 PM

Not sure about that, most of the dudes I know who got locked up ended up getting fat. I think it's all the low quality starchy food and lack of exercise.

**sally** · 09-09-2016, 12:29 PM

It depends, some guys go in there and get jacked. Even though they're eating the shitty food there bodies utilize it from lifting heavy weights in the workout yard and they do endless push ups and sit ups in their cells because there is nothing else to do. Plus I'm sure they can get steroids in there too. That's what I plan on doing when I get there.

**Donovan** · 09-09-2016, 12:45 PM

You probably won't have to worry, from all the stuff I've seen on Porntube and Orange is the New Black, women's prison is super awesome.

**HairOfTheDog** · 09-09-2016, 01:15 PM

(09-09-2016, 12:29 PM)sally Wrote: It depends, some guys go in there and get jacked. Even though they're eating the shitty food there bodies utilize it from lifting heavy weights in the workout yard and they do endless push ups and sit ups in their cells because there is nothing else to do. Plus I'm sure they can get steroids in there too. That's what I plan on doing when I get there.

Sounds like a sensible weight loss plan; step 1 is the most difficult.

I don't recommend robbing a bank and then telling the guard you're the perp, like that poor bastard in the Felony Stupid Criminal thread who REALLY wanted to get away from his wife. It worked out well for him, but could easily have backfired.

You'll need to pull off a crime that's serious enough to merit incarceration, but probably won't get you shot dead by the cops.

I think you should drive drunk to K-Mart, put on a stylish Jaclyn Smith two-piece cardigan set (make sure to pick one that has plastic security tags), and then walk slowly out the door to be sure the alarm goes off.

When the retail security officer tries to stop you, pinch him or her in the ass. When the cops arrive, pinch them in the ass too. DUI, shoplifting, assault, and resisting arrest -- that might get you 30 - 60 days if you beg your husband not to bail you out.

Good luck, sal.

**sally** · 09-09-2016, 03:17 PM

I was thinking about that and you're right. Stealing a Jaclyn Smith two piece from K-Mart would probably get me more time than say molesting a child or stealing an old ladies purse. Put some weed in the pocket and I'll really go down.

**Duchess** · 09-09-2016, 04:27 PM

You could probably add a little more time for conspiracy and HotD can accompany you. God and everyone just watched you make your little plan.

**koko** · 09-09-2016, 04:37 PM

Pussy too fat fa' that

**HairOfTheDog** · 09-09-2016, 05:04 PM

(09-09-2016, 04:27 PM)Duchess Wrote:

You could probably add a little more time for conspiracy and HotD can accompany you. God and everyone just watched you make your little plan.

Well..........I could lose some weight myself, so I guess a little hard time might be a blessing in disguise.

If we don't like our new free home/gym and our roommates suck ass, we'll call you collect from the women's correctional center and you can come visit us.

Bring a bible with a file hidden in the middle. A cake with a file would probably be easier, but that would kinda defeat the purpose of our stay.

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